"I survive, it's all I do"

here are the musings of a cancer patient who's something hardly captivating and beyond a survivor. my body has truly betrayed me. this blog has things i like, things i feel and things that i feel like i like... sometimes.. I'm dying, my disease is stable ATM but it can change at a moments notice a d quickly morph into a instantly deadly form of leukemia. my symptoms are managed and my life is much different than when I started this blog, I happier now than I've been in my entire life. I am working hard every day to live authentically and sincerely, savoring every experience, taste, lovers; appreciating those who recriprocate with sincerity and love despite my bodies limited ability. Finding someone, a friend, a partner a lover, a buddy, anyone whom you love and ALSO who doesn't judge or disregard you simply because you've gotten sick and never going to get better are few and far between; when you find those people make then your tribe and love them like you both will be gone tomorrow. BECAUSE you simply never know. This blog shares the feelings, pitfalls, fears, broken dreams, and maligned struggles of being a person with chronic illnesses, mental and physical, of which has made me terminally ill.

[jamicoleman]

It's my 11 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

My Tumblr hits puberty today, just like I did; God help us all.

[disagigglebilities]

Anyway,

You deserve family who try to understand your illness.

You deserve family who try to accommodate your illness.

You deserve family who respect your decisions regarding your illness.

You deserve family who nicely listen to you vent about your illness.

[vaspider]

[feministism]

[wool-feathers]

@nunyo-bizznez with the truest tags I've ever seen

[talkethtothehandeth-deactivated]

Since I keep forgetting, I wanted to remind you:

Getting worse isn’t a character fault, and it isn’t a failure on your end.

Your disabled/chronically ill body is not your fault. You didn’t decide that this would be the best way to live, you didn’t choose to become disabled; you didn’t choose to be born into a disabled body.

Getting worse isn’t a personal failure. Your body is trying its best with what it has, and it getting worse doesn’t reflect your character.

It’s not your fault that this is the body you have, but it’s not your body’s fault, either— even if you have a disease/condition that is turning itself onto your body to attack it, it isn’t your body’s fault. Its working with what is has, even if it seems like it’s against you all the time. Trust me, I know how it is.

It’s hard to not hate something that hurts you, but keeping recognition that it’s working in the only way it knows how is important.

Be kind to you, and to your body.

[03josten]

stop fucking using the word psychotic to describe bad behaviour and violence already god fucking damn it

[03josten]

oh my god i’m so tired psychotic does not mean violent it does not mean angry or erratic. it refers to a person suffering from psychosis, a loss of touch with reality that includes hallucinations and/or delusions. psychotic people are not inherently violent and y'all need to understand how much stigma you create when you again and again incorrectly use the word psychotic without even thinking about it

[03josten]

would appreciate if non-psychotic people could reblog this

[impotsiblelife]

Don't feel bad if you haven't recovered from a condition your doctor says is "very treatable." Doctors and society in general often underestimate how debilitating pain, physical illnesses, and mental health problems can be. Don't listen to anyone who insinuates that you don't want to get better or aren't committed to your treatment because your symptoms haven't improved much. Take as long as you need to heal.

[kipplekipple]

And sometimes things that are considered very treatable don't respond to treatment in you. That's not your personal failing.

[earhartsease]

and sometimes "treatable" means manageable, not curable

[vintagevintagevintage-deactivat]

Tired of loving, recovering Loving, recovering Loving, recovering Loving, recovering It’s girl-sized inside

[another-suffering-artist]

"I miss younger me, the one

Who didn't stop to think how hard the hill would be to climb but dashed to the top,

Who didn't worry about what the mirror had to say,

Who laughed loudly and smiled wide no matter what people thought,

Who loved what surprises life had to offer,

Who imagined the endless possibilities without a care of whether or not they were realistic,

Who danced and sang no matter the audience.

I miss younger me, but she is no more because,

Anxiety strangled her,

Depression surpressed her,

Pain made her bitter,

Exhaustion drained her,

Cruelty tore her heart,

And Hatred pierced her soul. "

[another-suffering-artist]

Every time I go to tell someone how my illness chose to brutalize me today all that comes out is:

"I'm fine =)"

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned that in the 18th century rich people would keep ornamental hermits on their estate as a status symbol. They would be fed and cared for by the estate owner, almost like a pet (x)

[jamicoleman]

Where do I apply?

[whitepeopletwitter]

Story of my life

[kelpforestdwellers]

your disabled friends are not okay right now.

we are remembering March 2020. how when hospitals get overwhelmed, we are 'triaged' to death to prioritize nondisabled people.

how 'don't worry, healthy people won't get severely ill (but it's fine if disabled people die)' was the messaging back then too, except now the virus is much more infectious.

immunocompromised people with 3 vax doses apparently have the same protection against omicron as unvaccinated healthy people.

and we're waiting for the medical system to cancel our non covid related medical care.

i got almost no medical care for the first year because i decided the risk of covid outweighed the risk of delaying.

please check on us. please remind us we're not alone. that was the most painful part of the early months, for me at least. feeling like we had to face this alone, like only other disabled people cared if we survived.

and please ask if there's practical things you can help with.

[weltenwellen]

Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies

[vitariesocks]

Comic on having long-COVID as a young person. Sending love to others who may be similarly suffering.

Ko-Fi

(ID under the cut)

Keep reading

[vitariesocks]

This is getting traction again as cases surge. I want to repeat what I’ve said on Twitter: In the 4 months since I’ve posted this, none of my symptoms have improved. I’m nearing 2 years post-COVID with zero improvement, no answers, and little hope. Take this seriously.

[youngchronicpain]

chronic pain isn’t just dealing with pain

-it is choosing between making food or taking a shower

-it is having to take meds on an empty stomach and dry heaving through a morning

-it is knowing that you can’t possibly balance your school/work, social life, and physical fitness all at the same time

-it is barely being able to handle one

-it is years of having to miss out on years of events and parties and being dubbed “antisocial” because of it 

-it is spending 99% of your time in pain and alone 

it is so much more than “just pain”. I think abled people forget that chronic pain really does permeate every aspect of a person’s life. 

[plant-ghoul]

If I may add to this… -It is having to plan your days/weeks/months around your pain -It is having to break engagements you planned for months in advance but your pain decided it would jeopardize your happiness -It is taking two steps forward and one step back constantly throughout your life -It is dealing with people thinking you’re not only antisocial but a flake who doesn’t keep promises Chronic pain destroys your life.

[thefibrodiaries]

- it is having regular doctors and hospital appointments which have to be prioritised over any social things you may be looking forward too

- it is uncontrollable rapid weight gain (or loss) which will be blamed on your diet or lack of exercise even though exercise often isn’t possible and a good diet is hard tot maintain due to dietary requirements and inability to cook for yourself

- it is constantly fighting for any sort of support whether it is medical help, financial help, care or accessibility.

- it is constantly having to rely on other people for help and support.

- it is a never ending fight with your internalised ableism. Which can sometimes make you question yourself thanks to years of gas lighting.

- it is spending a lot of time in bed wishing you could be out living your life.

Chronic pain isn’t just being in pain. It doesn’t just affect you physically but emotionally, socially, psychologically and even financially.

 Chronic Pain defines every aspect of your life and it will always be more than just being in pain.

[cutespoonie]

one of the worst chronic illness feelings is when you’re stuck somewhere and have a flare-up and all you want is to be home and feel safe

[berrizcombo]

Yes and you can get really stressed out or outright panicking if you feel really bad, like if you can’t breath, or speak, or stand up and you don’t want to make a scene and you’re even more afraid someone is going to touch you without your permission.

[cutespoonie]

very relatable