Chapter Forty-Four Mike Ramble
Recaps! The love triangle is still a problem! The wedding is still on (for now)! We still need to deal with the fallout from Xiomara and Esteban sleeping together! Rafael still has all of the problems! Luisa is still AWOL! Oh, Susanna got her to go back to rehab! That's right! Petra still loves Rafael! Fake Petra's epilepsy will come up in this again in this episode! The narrator has given up saying everything that has happened because there's too much! Not enough time. We have a wedding that needs ruining! But how?! Jealous exes?! Sick babies?! Family drama?! Labor disputes?! Crime lords murdering the groom?! All of this at once?! Yeah, probably all of this at once.
Young Jane hearing about her grandmother's wedding! Flashback within a flashback technology! Good, Jane has a good model for accepting things will go wrong during the wedding and that this doesn't ruin the event. Because if a broken shoe is the worst thing that happens during this wedding it will be a minor miracle.
Michael and Jane really turned on by the approaching wedding! Just have to go one more day before changing the show's title! And now a sweet moment before everything gets ruined. Seriously, at this point I'll consider it a victory if Michael survives the wedding.
Rogelio in chaotic wedding planner mode! Charo performing during the ceremony! Yeah, they really can't be worried about Mateo crying during the ceremony. Decent odds of that happening no matter what sort of preparation they do.
Oh no! The honeymoon hasn't been moved up to correspond to the new wedding date. I'm actually kind of surprised they did this. A lot of couples don't do the honeymoon immediately after the wedding anyway, and it seems like it would be expensive to do a last minute change. Seems worth just staying around town for a few days after the wedding, then going on the honeymoon. Okay, not having wedding night in Rafael's hotel with the entire family there is probably a good idea. Have they not furnished the house they bought yet? Because I actually think that's a much nicer place for a wedding night than a random honeymoon hotel.
Also, Michael got his job back?
Luisa is coming back to the show! Rafael looking for a break from family drama! Ha ha ha, he's not on the right show for that. Mother is arrested and now hoping brother gets arrested too. Now that there's paperwork of a pretty shady transfer of the hotel to Derek just before he disappears and another crime lord is found in said hotel, doesn't that implicate Rafael in the crime ring? Shouldn't that at the very least force him to confess the insider trading to explain why he's involved in the shady hotel deal?
Nice Petra and Rafael moment. Interrupted by Jane pulling him into more family drama! But it's good drama! Mateo is walking! And Rafael is sadly reminded that some of Mateo's first steps will be down the aisle for Jane's wedding with Michael. And now Rafael is hallucinating about Jane secretly wanting him to stop the wedding. That's just great.
Michael did get his job back! But the person who leaked the info that got him fired is still unknown! Susanna suspects it could be the chief himself! But could it be a diversion?! Could someone in the crime ring still be threatening her family like Rose did, forcing her to be the leak?!
Poor Luisa! So many trips to rehab! But she gets to come to Jane's wedding now! Because there wasn't enough potential for chaos before!
Less than 24 hours out! No DIna for the wedding! I feel like the actress was just unavailable these past couple episodes. Hopefully she becomes more of a regular next season. Yay for Alba getting angry and sending Rogelio out of the room to stop stressing out everyone else!
Wow, Esteban has an impressive line of licensed goods. Este-buns extra firm extra long hot dog buns is a nice touch. Esteban is pursuing her now. But does he really like her or does he just know it will really piss off Rogelio to see his ex dating his nemesis?
Yeah, it's probably a bad policy to let someone change their thesis this late without presenting an alternative. Seems like a problem to worry about over the summer. She can be inspired by whatever way her wedding gets ruined. Her parents fighting over Xiomara sleeping with Rogelio's nemesis is a good start. But it will take more than that!
Rehearsal ceremony! Everyone's late!
Really? Michael doesn't know it's a good idea to consult Jane about spending $1700 for a hotel room? When a few episodes ago he saw her agonizing over spending $50 on baby supplies. This is a ridiculous fight to be having just before the wedding. Also though, Jane didn't realize it'd be super expensive to change their honeymoon plans at the last minute? Even if Michael hadn't forgotten initially and made reservations 3 days ago when this first came up, it was still going to be expensive. I wonder if wedding stress just causes couples to fight more. We should look out for this.
Rogelio and Xiomara fighting during the rehearsal. Rogelio announcing Xiomara's sex life to the entire audience. Mateo messing up the important religious things. And the Priest knocking himself unconscious. Still, no jealous exes and crime lords. All involved still alive. C+.
Rogelio and Xiomara putting their fighting on hold until after the wedding. Jane and Michael are okay!
Fake Petra really pushing for Real Petra to attend the wedding. Super suspicious. Does a mediocre job explaining this away. What could she have planned that requires Petra's presence? A really convoluted plan to capture Moose and Squirrel?
Luisa is serious about staying sober. She's in love with Susanna! Aw! And still shares too much...
Rafael planning on messing up the wedding. Luisa surprisingly telling him not to do it. Yeah, she's definitely changed. Very different from her advice when she was dealing with alcohol or cult-y new age coping tools. Aw, it was more her relationship with Susanna than the rehab that changed her. She knows there's not just a "one" and people have multiple shots at true love.
Alba revealing the full story of her wedding! People interrupted the wedding because she'd had sex before! Fights broke out and they had to run out without her shoes or her veil! Wow, this pretty key insight for her character. That is some pretty solid motivation for encouraging your granddaughter to wait until after marriage to have sex. Still, Alba is super super wrong if she thinks Jane's wedding can't go any worse than that. Like my over-under for the body count is at 2 right now.
Aw, Michael made a list of the important things to talk about before the wedding. Jane loves lists! The only thing that could make this better is if they had done this several weeks/months earlier like they really really should have!
Aw, Jane putting on the dress and veil with her grandmother! They're so adorable! And Jane is inspired to write her thesis about her grandparents! Sounds like a really interesting concept. But is it too late? Her professor wants her to come in and pitch it to the committee in person. I can't believe her professor isn't even aware of the wedding though. I know she doesn't like marriage stuff, but I don't think that means having to hide the entire thing from her. Also, maybe this is a department thing, but I have trouble believing this is a final deadline. They really couldn't go back to the committee in the fall and tell them the original idea fell apart but here's the new one? Still, Jane stopping to pitch a writing project on her wedding day seems super in character.
79 minutes to go! Michael is supportive! 57 minutes! The committee approves! 34 minutes! Why is Jane buttoning her dress by herself! Someone help her! Wait, why is she putting on the dress at the school and not the Church? At least her professor was a little supportive. 24 minutes! And Rogelio killed the car! Uber is too far away! They caught a bus but have 17 stops to go!
Michael is stalling! Rogelio is disturbed by Esteban's ad on the bus! Jane is officially late! Jane shocking Rogelio with the news that he and Esteban are nemeses because of how similar they are.
17 minutes late! That's bad but not so bad.
Rafael tells Jane he loves her right before the wedding! No! It was just an imagination scene! He does have good enough sense not to ruin the wedding because he's not the literal worst.
Family drama sorted! Jealous ex uses self-restraint! Down to just a murderous crime lord to destroy the wedding!
Wedding march! Aw, I really liked the brief moment of Jane and Petra exchanging a loving look! Their complicated friendship has probably been the best part of this season! They worked out a good way for Alba, Xiomara, and Rogelio to all walk Jane down the aisle. And the great embrace with Rogelio and Michael, reminding us that they too have one of the best relationships on the show!
Got to the beginning of the ceremony! Aw, Jane crying! Michael reading his vows in Spanish! Alba also crying! I'm not crying! You're crying! Rings! They made it through the ceremony! Narrator in disbelief! Me also in disbelief! The Virgin Mary, the choir, and the whole audience now encouraging Jane to have sex... I am briefly worried that the whole wedding and not just the hallucination were in Jane's imagination.
Yay! The wedding happened! Now we just need everyone to survive the reception! Really rooting for the show to change its title rather than anything happening to Michael.
Reception! Wow, they really did get Bruno Mars for this! Hope he runs away before the crime lords show up!
Aw, poor Petra! Afraid she'll never have the kind of love Jane has! But interrupted by her baby's first laugh! Great line by Fake Petra! "Baby has your sense of humor, laughing at others' tears!"
Aw, Michael bonded with the crew during his short time with Rogelio. And Susanna is definitely part of the crime syndicate. This is not a subtle way to set this up. Teach Michael the "Role Tide" line. Michael will say it to her later. She won't say it back, and we'll know her whole backstory is a lie. (Or she's been replaced with a plastic surgery twin at some point.) Which means the entire hospital scene was a set up and Rose is still alive somewhere (*cough* Fake Petra). See how much gets revealed by awkward setups!
Father-daughter dance! So great!
Fake Petra is dead! Or passed out after an epileptic seizure or something! Way to bring down the mood during the reception.
Luisa confessing love to Susanna! Her and her terrible track record falling in love with criminals.
Rogelio and Xiomara making up. Almost, really making up. But the issue of kids is still too big a problem. Wonder when he and Dina are gonna have the kids talk. Cant wait too long for that sort of talk.
Fake Petra faking locked-in syndrome. Not buying it. Oh no! It's Fake Petra inducing locked-in syndrome on Real Petra to steal her identity! This is not a good long-term plan. Even if they keep drugging her, someone at some point should have the idea of giving her one of the devices that allows her to communicate via eye movement.
Michael and Jane leaving to go have sex! Esteban sexting Xiomara!
Aw, Michael got Jane a wedding snow globe! So appropriate with the recurring them of kissing in snow (or petals that represent snow)!
Rafael and Fake Petra hooking up!
Xiomara pregnant with Esteban's child! Wait, didn't they have sex like a week ago? How long ago did Xiomara and Rogelio last have friend sex? Maybe it's his? Otherwise, this is going to cause a lot of problems.
Narrator thinking we can't tell the difference between Michael's body and Rafael's.
So much for a Motel 6! Will Michael make it back from the ice machine?
Susanna is working for the crime syndicate?! I'm shocked! Shocked, I say!
Snow globe broken! Michael shot! Gah! I was worried about this happening all season, but I really hoped they wouldn't go through with it. I hope he just winds up in a coma for next season and not dead. Did they really need to preserve the show's awful title this badly? Bah!
So Rose was really Susanna and not Fake Petra as I've been predicting. Fair enough. Though I had the impression that Susanna was a lot shorter than Rose. Maybe that's wrong. Though honestly, the thing that annoys me the most here: Rose ran a secret underground plastic surgery ring. And to take on a new identity, she uses an impractically realistic mask? Fine, why not.
Rose being super creepy getting Luisa to leave with her. End of season 2!
Bah! I'm not happy with these plot twists! I liked Susanna, and Luisa really deserves a stable relationship with someone who isn't evil. If Xiomara is really pregnant with Esteban's kid, that's going to cause rifts I don't really care to see. Though given Xiomara's steadfast feelings against kids, this could lead to an interested talk about abortion beyond what most shows are willing to do. Or maybe it will just be a false positive and quickly resolved. Now that it appears Fake Petra isn't connected to crime syndicate, that story line is a lot less interesting. Presumably just a plot organized by Petra's mom to get Fake Petra to marry Rafael and use his money to support her.
But mostly I'm just upset about Michael. The show has put too much time setting up Jane and Michael's happiness. I know these sorts of of deaths are common for a soap opera / telenovella. But I think this highlights how Jane the Virgin is different from them. The show uses the tropes but mostly is a form of parody. Jane the Virgin has a primarily comedic tone, not a dramatic one. How does the show return to a comedic tone next season? Jane is not just going to quickly bounce back from this and start contemplating a reigniting a relationship with Rafael or a new person to maintain a love triangle. At the very least, they'll need a large time skip. The writers have been strong so far, so I'll stick around and give next season a chance, but I'm really skeptical about where they go from here.
For my part, I'm just going to spend the summer assuming Michael is still alive. Until they show a funeral, I'm staying in denial.