SAM WINCHESTER LIVED BUT HE NEVER ACTUALLY MOVED ON
Firstly, letβs talk about why Sam lived. It was because when Dean was dying, he asked Sam to promise him that it was okay, not to bring Dean back, and Sam gotta keep living and fighting. That was the only way for Dean to keep on being with Sam in his heart, in every step that Sam would make. Sam simply lived because it was Deanβs request, his death will.
However, living without Dean was almost impossible for Sam. He had been struggling for a long time, isolating himself from the world. Everything in the bunker reminded him of Dean and he was living like a walking dead and had been crying for awhile. Until he got a call from work, he decided to leave the bunker.
When he left, Sam brought Deanβs duffel instead of his back bag. He left everything behind except for things that reminded and contained Deanβs memory.
After that, Sam got a son and he named him Dean Jr. Normally, we all knew that it should be Dean who names his son Dean Jr in case he got a son. However, Sam used this name for his own son. Naming your son after your dead brother proved that he very needed a Dean in his life. And Dean Jr became Samβs living reason.
Speaking of those photos in Samβs house, most of them were photos of Sam and Dean together. There was no photo of Samβs wife or partner. Later, there was some of Dean Jrβs photos but they were just a few. Sam hung on life by creating a new family, naming his own son Dean Jr, but the real Dean had never been replaced by any of that. He held onto the new life, but he could never get rid of Deanβs picture in his mind.
Sam still kept Baby. At this moment, Sam was pretty old, but he still couldnβt hold back his tears when he sat in the Impala. Because it was where Sam and Dean call home, where their journey began. The empty feeling inside of Sam had always been there. As if it wasΒ βa stormy sea of moving emotionβ and Sam gotΒ βtossed aboutβ, βlike a ship on the oceanβ. After all those years, Sam could never stop feeling in pain when he thought about Dean.
When Sam was in his death bed, Dean Jr came to him, put his hand on Samβs and told Sam it was okay, he could go now. They were exactly those words that Sam had told Dean to comfort him when his brother had been dying. And when the time came, Sam needed those exact words from a Dean to comfort a Sam. Sam, at his time of dying, was still carrying Deanβs watch as if it was their memory object, a symbol of his brother.
Sam walked right to Dean when he was in Heaven. Why didnβt Sam look old like he was supposed to be? He died old, not young, right? I have been wondering since I watched that scene. Until I realized that Heaven is where your soul lives. And the fact that Sam looked exactly the same as when Dean had died showed that even when Sam lived such a long apple pie life, his soul had actually died right at the moment Dean passed away.
In conclusion, Sam has always been alive, but he couldnβt actually live ever since that night.
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