Sorry again, I loved you a lot.

And even if I still don’t know, and even if I’ll never know... Here’s the words I never showed: This is the end, I love you so.

[jasminesaura]

I’m getting a little tired of the food here, to be honest. I think I might get sick if I have to eat this jello again.

Still, today was a pretty okay day. I downloaded a new game and it’s really cute! I think it’s called Dr*g*li* L*st? I really like the little models in it!

Hopefully I’ll sleep better tonight, it’s been hard to fall asleep cause of the pain. It’s nothing I’m not used to, though. 

In any case... I hope everyone is having a good day!

[jasminesaura]

phantomdesires‌:

“Do I? I didn’t think it was that noticeable…” The corner of his lips upturn into a small smile, attempting to shake loose the dread settling within his heart. Ah, how he’s thankful for an excuse - how merciful Tachibana was, an angel truly. But he had always been too good for this world, wasn’t he? Perhaps that would be why elsewhere was calling Tachibana forth, a place that transcended this finite realm but god, how Gentaro never wanted him to go. 

“But to answer your question, unfortunately that was the case. I have another deadline coming up at the end of the week.” He settles upon that, and leaves it precisely at that - words spinning skillful white lies, strengthening the front he puts on in front of his dear friend. If only he could spin a reality that could be theirs, one that was merciful to both of them: one where Tachibana was healthy and truly happy, one where Gentaro would be safe in loving him ( for nothing would take him away, it would be them and only them ). 

The book is left momentarily forgotten as he sets it down upon his lap, hand moving to gently grasp those slender fingers within his own hands - giving a small squeeze of reassurance. 

“I’m fine, but perhaps we’ll continue this story another time.” Please, he doesn’t it to end yet. 

He lets go of his hand ( though a desperate part of him wants that to be the last thing he ever does ), clearing his throat quietly. 

“How are you feeling today?”

What good was an angel whose wings were clipped? Pure white meant nothing if it was dirtied by a world that kept him shackled to the ground, forced to bear the weight of his sins that he never knew he commited. Perhaps in a past life he did something that warranted his feathers to be scattered all over the world, left at the mercy of those who found them. It was simply some twisted form of fate that Gentaro, his own personal angel who also had shackles around his wrists, would attempt in vain to put those wings back together, try to let Tachibana fly again, but they knew it was fruitless.

They both knew all of this was pointless, yet Tachibana always tried to reach his hand out, grace that light that was cursed to dim forever in his heart. It was like as he reached his hand out and brushed his fingertips against Gentaro’s cheek, he would slip through his fingers, much like Tachibana was doing to him. It was a truly torturous cycle that trapped them in an endless lop, a mobius strip where nothing came to an end. 

Except Tachibana’s strip was slowly snapping, hanging on by a thread. It was only a matter of time before it finally split. 

He let a solemn smile form on his lips as he let go of his hand, his arm subconsciously reached to touch it again, to keep him close, to let him feel that warmth he knew was fleeting. He held it back. He wasn’t strong enough.

What a coward.

‘ I’m feeling a lot better now that you’re here! ‘ a half truth, really. Gentaro could see through those so easily, it was impossible to lie to a self-proclaimed liar. Yet Tachibana just wasn’t brave or selfish enough to tell the truth. 

‘ I always feel better when you tell me your stories, Gentaro. Do you think I can tell you a story next time you come around? ‘

[phantomdesires-a-blog]

if you must die sweetheart, die knowing your life was my life’s best part

“Ah. I’m sorry, it appears I’ve lost my train of thought….” A merciful lie choked from between lips that desperately swallow back every tidal wave of anxieties  ( though it’s so hard to swallow with his throat so tight ) - the invisible hand of grief wound tight around his neck like a rope, relentless and unmerciful. But he has no right to grieve, there’s no place for grief - not when Tachibana is right there beside him, patiently awaiting for Gentaro to continue onto the next sentence. How abruptly his words had trailed off, Gentaro suddenly still for a few heartbeats of silence. How unlike him to have a moment of weakness, he wills himself to regain composure - but today was one of the harder days, it was one of the days where the realization that this shared moment of content was so utterly fragile - just like this precious friend of his sitting beside him. With each passing heartbeat, time continued to slip further and further through his fingertips - it’s nauseating to know their time together is on a timer bound to click to a stop any second. His grip tightens on the book, and he wills himself to concentrate - read the words, speak them aloud but he can only concentrate on his heartbeat so painful within his breast, so loud within his ears - each steady drum that asserts, “Don’t go, don’t go.”

Oh, but he’s a liar and a coward: and he cannot will himself to say those words aloud either. 

closed starter / for @jasminesaura

[jasminesaura]

Just like always, every word he uttered was filled with raw emotion, captivating his heart and making his eyes widen with genuine excitement with every detail put into the setting and the story. Attention to detail was always Gentaro’s forte, but also a double edge sword-- with every meticulous, well-crafted sentence, it served as a reminder of the wedge that separated them. Shackles kept him bound, and he could tell with these woven stories that Gentaro tried in vain to loosen them. 

How many times would he see those bruises on his fingers?

How many times would he see that defeated look on his face? How many times would he tirelessly try to pull him into his world of splendor filled with golden flowers and white petals that surrounded them?

... Ah. He’s finishing his story. Looks like both he and Tachibana shared something in common: they were both liars and cowards, parallel lines that always went the same direction but never met. As the days rolled on and those flowers began to wilt, Tachibana realized that meaning was more and more true.

He’s a fool, a hopeless lovesick fool, but at least he could make Gentaro happy, even for a moment.

‘ You can take it easy if you’re not feeling well, Gentaro, ‘ soft reassurance emphasized with his fingers tapping against Gentaro’s arm, his smile as gentle as ever.

‘ Did you stay up all night writing this again? You have bags under your eyes. ‘

[jasminesaura]

Hello?

I’m new to this whole blog thing, but I’ll do my best. It’s really nice to meet you all!

[jasminesaura]

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