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Its Great to Not Give a Crap...

Give a crap about what matters only, not about what doesn’t. You can’t please everyone like Rick Nelson said, so you “got to please yourself.” If you don’t you will sit wregret. Now you need to decide what matters.

I consistently tell clients and I call them clients, not patients BTW, that if you sit w/ regret you have to either affect change or suffer. How difficult a decision is this? Right?

So why do people suffer? Well, it’s what you tend to learn in life until you decide that you really matter and work at gaining a voice. People’s experiences some times reinforce a negative mindset of invalidation, that the persons feelings are not valid. Like they don’t matter. This is what SOOO many people suffer from. It leads to poor connections, relationships and self care very often. There IS a better way.

Many people are so busy trying to please others they miss the boat. Too much time keeping up appearances and not enough time investing in self, in growth and in empowerment.

You have to be willing to look at how you got to this point? Some people have trauma. Others have low self esteem. Many have a combo. Childhood didn’t teach them that they matter and/or negative experiences reinforced feelings of unworthiness.

Leaves you with one choice: decide that you matter now and work to change it. Therapy, coaching, reading, podcasts, social media. Yes social media. There’s a very positive and motivating side to social media. There’s SO MUCH info out there to help you to grow.

People will say “Well you went to school for this!” No, that’s not what I went to school for. Grad school can give you a baseline of theory and understanding. Internships and experience are what changes you.

I grew up in NY and in a family of psychoanalysts and that didn’t prepare me for the day I walked into a psych ward to work. There are times I thought nothing could prepare me for that and I’m beyond grateful I got the opportunity. And while I definitely manifested it, it happened. People can manifest many things, and sometimes deciding what to give a crap about can start that process! Something to think about.

#wellnesswednesday #wellnessblogger #therapist #selfcarehacks

Feelings...nothing more than feelings.

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OK most of you don’t even know where that line comes from. However....

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When you see a photo what does it conjure up for you? In CBT/ cognitive behavioral therapy there are four basic feelings:

Mad

Sad

Glad

Afraid

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Do you know how well you navigate each of them? Most people try to avoid sad, they minimize mad, and deny being afraid. So basically they lie to themselves. Way to go :)

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Human beings are supposed to have ALL four of these feelings, albeit, we can learn how to manage afraid and mad better as we develop.

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Somehow, someone decided maybe we shouldn’t feel sad and afraid ‘cause that’s bad. This has had major consequences with children. You MUST feel ALL four feelings and then work with them and endure consequences.

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Not dealing with feelings can make you more anxious, more out of control with anger, and even lead to greater levels of depression. Children need to learn how to cope with disappointment, frustration, loss etc., or else they will become adults who have trouble coping and fitting in; playing nice in the sandbox.

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Feelings are another cornerstone of development so why the f$&@ are children being told not to be sad or angry?

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I have no GOOD idea. None. Teach Your Children Well. Feelings are good for you. All of ‘em. If you learn how to deal with mad, sad, and afraid well, the reward is you get to enjoy “glad” a lot more. Who wouldn’t sign up for that. Just sayin’

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Not learning to deal with feelings AKA “coping” is one BIG reason why therapists are in business.

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In short, feelings are good for you, good for the soul.

#feelings #madsadgladafraid #cbt #emotionalwellbeing #emotionalwellness #morningpush #therapist #therapistlife #therapistlife #emotionalintelligence

#cognitivebehavioraltherapy #therapysession

Therapy isn’t just for the birds.

As a therapist I have to walk the walk AND talk the talk. I’ve done the work, still do when I feel I need to. Please note, I was raised by two psychoanalysts, AND I buy into the concept of therapy.

There is such a stigma still about counseling, and trust me it will not be going away during my extended lifetime. Yes, extended, I’m gonna fight like hell to be productive, healthy and relevant as long as possible.

Feelings matter. If you think it’s for the birds try and explain why we have more mental health issues worldwide despite the numerous technological advances over just the last 25 years. It’s because we don’t deal effectively with emotions. It’s like we decided “Screw That!”

With technology, hings are easier on one front. Feelings are the same though. And they need to be dealt with.

Children struggle more than ever. There’s more bullying too. Which sucks. Preventable, though if parents monitor their children AND model pro-social behaviors.

I’m an advocate of talk therapy. Have always been. Will always be.

It helps. I’ll admit finding a good fit with a therapist is SOOOO important. A critical factor. So do your homework. Check out PsychologyToday.com or ask a friend. Good therapists earn their reputation.

There are options. Feelings have to be dealt with or they build up and affect communication.

Feelings can be like a rabid dog chasing you. If you don’t check them, feelings can bite you in the ass.

Wellness Management is:

Intellectual

Spiritual

Social

Physical

Emotional

#mentalhealthadvocate #psychologytoday #psychotherapy #talktherapy #betterhealth #forthebirds

Worked on an article about depression this week. Yeah depression. The dreaded D word. The thing no one wants to talk about, out of fear of getting it. That’s how people feel about cancer too, and both suck.

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Depression comes in different shapes and sizes. From little “d” to Big “D” and never fun. Truth is most people do not understand depression thoroughly, its causes, the etiology, and how to best combat it.

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But most people have to consider also is that If you’re a parent, you have the opportunity to teach skills to build resilience, which ultimately will help a growing child understand and stave off clinical depression.

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I’m not saying it can’t happen, what I’m saying is the children who learn skills and understand that sadness needs to be dealt with and expressed have lower chances of developing depression that is more serious. Further, children who learn from their parents that it’s OK to be angry, and that there is a way to deal with it appropriately also have lower rates of depression.

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From the psychoanalytic side, depression is anger turned inwards. Too often it is communicated to children but sadness and anger are “bad“ feelings to have, which is one of the worst things you can teach your child, unless your goal was to prepare them to struggle in life.

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Children who learn to manage and navigate their feelings, “feel” them, digest them and express them in a healthy fashion are best prepared for the future.

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Sometimes people need medication to help with depression, however, I don’t ever see a situation where therapy is not called for, and therapy is the game changer usually when it comes to depression. Getting your feelings out and expressing them, keeps them from staying inside and poisoning your system.

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Depression can come from unresolved emotions, and unresolved trauma, and that usually leads to some form of anger turned inwards.

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Healthy people have healthy tools/skills. Go Talk! Crush Depression!

#mentalhealthquotes #emotionalintelligence #healthymindset #healthymindbodysoul

Acting Opposite to Emotion

#falafel ‘cause no doubt everyone really cares that I’m eating right :)

#plantbased #plants #plantbaseddiet #thatsawrap

#health #healthyfood

#lilikoi is a great place with great food, south of fifth :) #southbeach #sobe #miamibeach #miami

#selfcare #wellness

Tip-Acting opposite to emotion or acting “as if” is something necessary for clients to learn. Not everything goes right all the time and you need to be able to adapt. If you don’t adapt you will likely duck st whatever you are doing. And you don’t wanna suck at #life

Plan-Sprint tri on June 30...bike is in the shop getting prepped. Time to get to the swim...this is one time you need to work at a weakness. Usually you enhance a strength. #change

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver REHAB segment.

Among my regrets about this post is the fact I did NOT write this piece for Last Week Tonight. I’ll own it. Since I am not one of their writers yet...it makes sense. The rest is beyond F$&@%d up. The industry has lots of issues, much like a magazine rack. LWT nailed it. John Oliver is fabulous.

A few things to consider if you read this-understand that part of this post was written before this video aired. I actually posted part of it on Linkedin and it fell like a proverbial lead balloon. This is a great piece they did, I’m a huge fan of this show and the writers.

Please read this carefully and mind you Parenting is ALWAYS the first line of defense and more important than ever. Parent your kids like there’s no tomorrow. You should know who they’re talking to, what they are reading, and what their interests are, good bad and indifferent. They DON’T have to like it. That’s NOT your job. The “don’t snitch” mentality we see today is much more pervasive than it used to be among youth. It just is. Creates a culture of dishonesty for them and panic for you the parent.

When your kids want to use ANY drugs say no-the bullshit argument of “it’s bad for you” isn’t gonna resonate with a teen mind that isn’t developed nor is it looking to grow. And they wanna fit in. As onset of use has started earlier than ever you need to be aware. Kids should know that the family fabric is the cornerstone of their life. You don’t F%$k with that. Kids learn about a moral path at home. You do not want them diverging from that path.

The mindset of a teen who wants to “check out” and “relax” etc. is not easy to negotiate with. Children have learned to self medicate. Period. Not all, but too many.

If you’re struggling with your child, speak to professionals who know what they are doing. Ask around!

Great professionals will refer ONLY to great professionals. The number one notion of parents is to send their kid to therapy. I’m not saying kids don’t need or require therapy, but you have to look at what’s going on in the home environment before you place a child into therapy which they likely are not interested in. No kid ever says “dammit mom I wanna go to therapy and you and dad are holding me back!!!! Just sayin’...

Down the road, if problems aren’t nipped in the bud, no pun intended, the decision to send a loved one to treatment would likely be the biggest a family could make on all levels...I was in NYC and FL this past year and saw a number of things from afar. After years of working in the Delray / Boca area I have seen how private practitioners feel and have been affected. Some people likely will not enjoy this post. Maybe I am wrong.

Some may take offense to it. As far as “rehab” goes:

1-If you are making the decision for treatment off of a commercial, you need to take a minute to think about it...

2-If you are making a decision for treatment off of a commercial and can say to yourself “that ain’t a real doctor and he isn’t a very good actor either” you should think about it a bit more...🙂

3-Personal and professional referrals are so important. 1-800-dentist is one thing...but Treatment isn’t a cleaning or a molar. I wouldn’t use 1-800-proctologist either as an example. I would want a personal referral as lives depend on it here.

4-Certifications and licenses of centers are important. They can be obtained and managed by people who are experts at handling paperwork. That’s not dumb. It’s actually a good move, but it ain’t the only criteria. Licensure is a great start.

5-You should look for highly and intensively trained staff and licensed staff. Especially w DBT. If you can’t find the staff on the website....think about why you don’t. If they show off the pool but not the staff?

6-“We take insurance” is a phrase that scares me. Insurance companies have luckily, after eating dollars and getting screwed, become aware of the abuses resulting in massive lawsuits and making it difficult for centers to collect. Sober homes too. The urine screens thing is true. Again another reason a personal referral matters. There has been a lot of crime.

7-“I read a bad review of that place” is something I often hear. It may be they got a bad review. Consider the source and how much free time someone likely has to post that kind of crap. Not saying it always wrong or always right but do your homework.

8-It shouldn’t cost you your life savings to PUT someone in treatment.

There ARE some VERY good places out there; honest, ethical and professional. They understand that their job is to heal. And they take it seriously. Ask around, the cream will rise.

Considering what has gone down in SFLA, and now others places, people need to do their homework. And hopefully trust their gut. This segment just nails it.

https://youtu.be/hWQiXv0sn9Y

Three stages... Amazingly, I hated veggies as a kid, even as a young adult. I would eat tomato sauce on pasta or pizza but NEVER plain tomatoes or tomato soup. What was I thinking. Hell I even grew tomatoes before I considered eating them. I better learn to make grilled cheese ASAP! If you eat food loaded with crap you’ll likely feel like...crap! Making your own is tops! #jamieoliver recipe it’s awesome. #plantbased #plantbaseddiet #tomato #tomatoes #tomatosoup #healthyfood #healthyeating #veggies #eating #vitamix

jasonericross

Tom Petty

jasonericross

Tom Petty

This day is rough enough...now Tom Petty

There was nothing Petty about him. Nothing. He was a guy who took his career, his music, those around him and the business of music seriously. I’m writing this pretending he isn’t gone. I’m an optimist if even a schmuck.

When I first saw him, when I was 11, I didn’t know him really. He was just this blonde dude with a Rickenbacker guitar and a sound that reminded me of a very well-known group, a fact he didn’t mince words about. He was a fan too. And he made we wanna play. To this day.

He looked like he was having fun. Watching “The Waiting” and “Woman in Love” on MTV, as a first-generation watcher when it was music, opened my eyes a wee bit more. He was an American Guy too. Raised on…well, I found out later. I bought Hard Promises immediately. I have multiple copies. I learned the tunes ‘cause he made me wanna play.

Petty stood up to the industry, didn’t wanna slam his fans and Wouldn’t Back Down. He wasn’t afraid to make his point, and one time so much so, with his fist into a wall almost ending his career. He came back. He wrote catchy tunes, made great videos, won awards and was honest about what he did and didn’t like.

His love for all things Beatles, Byrds, Rickenbacker and Dylan led him to step out into The Traveling Wilburys, the iconic 1980’s Quintet made up of Petty, Lynne, Dylan, Harrison, and Orbison; a veritable rock legend fest. He never seemed to lose sight of his presence or luck/talent to be there. He bonded with Harrison and if you’ve never seen George’s documentary, go see it just to listen to Petty reminisce about his late Beatle friend and mentor. Worth the price of admission. Made me wanna play...more.

And he put on a show for his fans always. I missed him this summer and was hoping to go. The Waiting for me was 35 years plus.

There was an MTV documentary about him and The Heartbreakers when I was 12/13 years old and I listened to him play a short bluesy tune called “I’m Stupid.’ I learned it right then and still play it. 'Cause really made me wanna play.

There is no greater accomplishment for any musician I believe than making others want to listen to you, mimic you and play your songs. I’m due to play his again. This is sad, and I don’t wanna believe this shit, ‘cause I do know how it feels. Wishing his family peace and many others in the world, we need it everywhere.

The world just lost a true voice and talent. If you don’t have his albums solo or with the awesome Heartbreakers go get ‘em.