Gooey - a Jason Todd song fic
This was inspired by the song Gooey by Glass Animals so I would recommend listening to it while you read this.
This is the first real fic I’ve ever written so I apologize if it is absolute garbage, but I hope you. enjoy!!
WARNINGS: angst fic, depictions and descriptions of violence, injury, and death
Let me show you everything I know
Spinning round my head and I stare
For the third night this week, Jason finds himself staring up at his ceiling, unable to sleep. The thoughts buzzing around his head creating too many distractions for relaxation to take hold a lull him into a dream. He closes his eyes and allows the memories to flood in, images of seemingly simpler times flashing behind his eyelids.
He recalls the first time he put on the Robin costume, how excited he was, how happy and honored he was to be a part of something so much bigger than himself.
Fresh out of an icky, gooey womb
Dopes up on her silky, smooth perfume
He can practically feel the adrenaline rush that came with flipping off of high buildings at Batman’s side. He feels the cool wind against his skin as he remembers what it was like grappling around the city at night. He hears the buzz of the bright lights shining against billboards sitting just above the skyline. He sees Bruce’s lopsided smirk, a rare show of how proud he was of his son.
He can taste the copper in his mouth at the recollection of the first time he missed dodging a punch to the face. He feels the pull of the first ever stitches Alfred had to give him after a particularly bad night. He can picture Bruce staring down at him, a mix of disappointment and worry, as he lectures him on being more cautious.
Right my little pooh bear, wanna take a chance?
Wanna sip the smooth air, kick it in the sand?
I’ll say I told you so but you just gonna cry
You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes
He remembers the freeness of it all. Feeling invincible, like no one could touch him, even on his worst nights, even when he nearly got his ass handed to him in a fight. He remembers feeling like nothing, no one, could keep him down. He was Robin. He was the Boy Wonder. It was like magic, it made him feel magical. Nothing in the world could compare to being Robin.
How he wishes that feeling could’ve lasted.
My, my simple sir, this ain’t gonna work
Mind my wicked words and tipsy topsy slurs
I can’t take this place, no I can’t take this place
I just wanna go where I can get some space
Soon come the more difficult memories. The ones he tries his best to keep on the outskirts of his mind at all times, though it hardly ever works.
Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he is there. He’s always there, just laughing at him.
Jason can hear it. He can hear his venomous, manic laughter. He hears the sickening crack of his own ankles and ribs. He feels the sharp, shooting pain of the crowbar coming into contact with his body. He slowly begins to feel the numbness as the pain becomes too much to even register.
He hears his own staggered breathing, his punctured lungs struggling to function properly. He tastes the blood in his mouth, pouring down from his temple, from his lips, even coming up when he coughs. He hears him again, taunting him.
I’ve been there, I’ve done this all before
I curl it up and puff it into plumes
He remembers putting on a brave face. He remembers using what little strength he had left to lift his head and look that sick bastard in the eye. He remembers smirking at him, missing teeth and all, and spitting his blood in the Joker’s face. He remembers a feeling of satisfaction, a show of defiance, of strength, in what he had yet to realize were his final moments.
Right my little pooh bear, wanna take a chance?
Wanna sip the smooth air, kick it in the sand?
I’ll say I told you so but you just gonna cry
You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes
He remembers how quickly the look of satisfaction fell from his face as the Joker simply wiped the blood away and raised the crowbar again. He remembers putting all of his energy into just staying awake.
All he had to do was stay awake. Batman was coming for him. He just had to stay alert until Batman rescued him.
My, my simple sir, this ain’t gonna work
Mind my wicked words and tipsy topsy slurs
I can’t take this place, no I can’t take this place
I just wanna go where I can get some space
He remembers I feeling like days were passing by as he laid on the floor of the warehouse and took hit after hit. It couldn’t have possibly been more than an hour that the was actually there, only minutes since his show of defiance, but it felt like forever.
Waiting for Batman, for Bruce, felt like forever. He remembers when the crowbar finally didn’t come back down on him, as the Joker just set it off to the side. He remembers laying on the ground, gasping for air, as he looked up at the Joker. He watched him leave and waited for the door to close before trying to pick himself up.
Hold my hand and float back to the summer time
Tangled in the willows, now our tongues are tied
How can I believe you, how can I be nice?
Tripping round tree stumps in your summer smile
He remembers how quickly the dream that was his life as Robin came crashing down around him. How quickly he went from feeling like he had magic to feeling like he was helpless. He remembers how badly he wished he could go back in that moment, go back and listen to Bruce, let the Joker go. He remembers thinking maybe it was a mistake, not just going after Joker, but everything. He remembers thinking that, if he could go back, maybe he just wouldn’t be Robin.
Right my little pooh bear, wanna take a chance?
Wanna sip the smooth air, kick it in the sand?
I’ll say I told you so but you just gonna cry
You just wanna know those peanut butter vibes
He remembers the pain burning throughout his entire body as he struggled to move towards the door, leaving a trail of blood behind him. He remembers using all the strength and energy he had left in him to try and open the door. He remembers looking around and desperately searching for a way out.
He remembers looking to the side and seeing the countdown. He remembers that moment of realization. He remembers allowing himself to slide back down the the floor as reality settled in. He remembers the sinking feeling in his gut as he moved from panic to acceptance. He remembers thinking that Batman, Bruce, his dad, wasn’t going to find him after all.
My, my simple sir, this ain’t gonna work
Mind my wicked words and tipsy topsy slurs
I can’t take this place, no I can’t take this place
I just wanna go where I can get some space
He remembers the deafening sound right next to him. He remembers the blinding brightness. He remembers the instantaneous, excruciating heat and the force of the explosion shaking his body. He remembers everything going dark.
He doesn’t remember hearing the roar of Batman’s motorcycle pulling up to the warehouse at top speeds as the building explodes. He doesn’t remember the walls and the ceiling collapsing on him. He doesn’t remember Bruce desperately screaming out for him as he dug through the rubble. He doesn’t remember Bruce lifting his lifeless body out of the ruins as he cried. He doesn’t remember being buried.
As Jason slowly opens his eyes, he lets the tears start rolling down his face. He closes his eyes again as he lets himself cry, and for the first time this week, exhaustion sets in and he falls asleep.
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