tejana

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[guerrillatech]

[kitdadington-deactivated2015060]

ahhh yes i am a big fan of classical music! *plays wmyb*

[fanficmemes]

Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

[mikkeneko]

i know fandom history that even I don’t care about

[staticretro]

Tell me why I’m still processing Matilda while Cinema is playing

[watchmegetobsessed]

main vocal:

🎵🎶You got, you got the cinema🎶🎵

back vocal:

[stylinsuns]

[quiet-reassurance]

Me: *drags myself out of yet another depressive episode*

Me @ me: I lived bitch

[furiousgoldfish]

abuser’s point of view is not valid pass it on

[furiousgoldfish]

I think all of us who went thru long term abuse we were unable to escape from had to tear out pieces of ourselves, of our mental health, physical health, emotional health, our integrity, our personality, our life, just to stay alive, we had to trade parts of ourselves for our life and that is not something you ever forget or recover from.

[furiousgoldfish]

victim’s point of view of what happened is the only version that matters.

[dankcptsdmemes]

[sadallthedamntime-blog]

[furiousgoldfish]

Putting your own child into state where they want to hurt themselves is inhumane cruelty. Getting your own kid to the point where they feel suicidal is insane level of monstrosity. Forcing your own kid to lose hope of ever being happy or free of you is prisoner-level torture. Parents who do this should be banished from society and never allowed near any children.

[furiousgoldfish]

It is likely you will feel the worst of your trauma only after you’re safely away from your abusers. A lot of you need to hear this and be prepared. Even if you didn’t have a strong reaction to trauma while it was going on, even if you felt like you were fine, and even if you can manage your symptoms now, once you’re safe (as in, abusers physically can’t get to you), the absolute worst of trauma will hit you because it will be finally, for the first time in your life, safe to feel it. This can mean exhaustion like you’ve never felt before, because it’s the first time you’re allowed to rest, and you don’t have to expect a sneak attack like you normally would. It can mean more panic attacks, more breakdowns, flashbacks, nightmares, feelings of terror, re-living past, feeling frozen in trauma, paralyzing, shaking, crying, having your entire body hurt and ache, your chest feeling like it’s tearing in pieces. You might experience bursts of rage and feel so irritated and restless you’ll want to jump out of your body. Your fear of the abuser will increase thousandfold and you will feel like you’d rather die than spend one additional second in their presence after what they did to you. It will become completely insane to you that you were able to live in their presence ever before.

This post-trauma effect isn’t irrational or exaggerating, if you feel this it’s because this is how horrible the trauma really was, but your were not able to feel it in the moment for several reasons; one of them is that it was unsafe to feel those things in front of abusers, they have already taught you that you will be punished for displaying trauma symptoms in front of them. To be additionally hurt in the middle of such pain would be unsurvivable. The other is that it would have killed you to feel all that as a kid. Keeping all that repressed to feel later is your body’s strategy of survival, you can only feel it now because you’re still alive in order to do it.

What you’re going thru is extreme and something nobody on the earth should be put thru. No matter what you do, do not blame yourself for your symptoms, because it’s impossible for you to cause this to yourself. Know that whoever caused this to you did it on purpose, and is absolutely evil for it. You did not deserve this. Go easy on yourself and allow yourself more comfort, more rest, more ease than ever, you do not need any additional stress, grief or self hatred in this time of your life. It is awful, and extreme, but it will get better. It wouldn’t be happening if your body didn’t estimate that you can survive it. It will come in waves, so don’t despair if you get a little better and then worse, it’s designed to allow your body a little rest before the next wave hits it, again in order to be survivable. Trust your body to know what to do, because it already pulled you thru so much trauma alive. And do not trust anyone who doesn’t think you should be safe from people who have done this to you.

[clever-and-unique-name]

Reparenting Affirmations for an Inner Child

I am so glad you were born.

You are a good person.

I love who you are and am doing my best to always be on your side.

You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.

You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection.

All of your feelings are okay with me.

I am always glad to see you.

It is okay for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are.

You can make mistakes - they are your teachers.

You can know what you need and ask for help.

You can have your own preferences and tastes.

You are a delight to my eyes.

You can choose your own values.

You can pick your own friends, and you don’t have to like everyone.

You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent, and not know all the answers.

I am very proud of you.

– Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

[jazebabe]

decided to hop into tumblr dot com today and see my old posts and it’s really sad. i was really struggling with my mental and physical health every day when i used tumblr from like 2009-2017. i’m so glad this website is here and gave me community when i really needed it. i have grown a lot, although i still feel sad for the younger me who was so hurt. i’m glad that i have made it this far and am still alive and can see how much better i have gotten, even though right now I am really struggling as well. like i am not well currently and am dealing with major things but it is not like the past. that’s really good! it’s a victory and i can thank therapy.

[clever-and-unique-name]

Reparenting Affirmations for an Inner Child

I am so glad you were born.

You are a good person.

I love who you are and am doing my best to always be on your side.

You can come to me whenever you’re feeling hurt or bad.

You do not have to be perfect to get my love and protection.

All of your feelings are okay with me.

I am always glad to see you.

It is okay for you to be angry and I won’t let you hurt yourself or others when you are.

You can make mistakes - they are your teachers.

You can know what you need and ask for help.

You can have your own preferences and tastes.

You are a delight to my eyes.

You can choose your own values.

You can pick your own friends, and you don’t have to like everyone.

You can sometimes feel confused and ambivalent, and not know all the answers.

I am very proud of you.

– Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker