Self Indulgent Teen Stenbrough Fic. Also Available on AO3.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/22845556
Stanley Uris isn’t good at being affectionate.
Okay maybe it’s not that he’s “not good” at being affectionate, it’s more like he just has difficulty showing affection.
He doesn’t know why or where these difficulties stem from. Is it just due to his insecurities? Is it his parents fault for not hugging him enough? (That reason sounds stupid to Stan but he’s really just trying to figure out what it could be) I mean he knows they love him, they just aren’t very affectionate people. Just like Stan. Maybe it got passed down to him? He doesn’t know, but then again it doesn’t really matter, because he doesn’t need to pinpoint an exact reason. Right? But he kind of wants to.
A lot of the time he’s consumed with these affectionate and loving feelings that are just aching to explode out of him, but there is always that barrier that stops him from being able to do so.
That’s especially hard to cope with when you’re dating Bill Denbrough.
He really likes Bill, like really really likes him. He thinks he may even love him.
But he doesn’t want to think about that. Cause that word just holds so much meaning and power and Stan doesn’t know if he’s capable of handling that much power.
He’s currently in Bill’s room. It may be a little messy, but surprisingly Stan doesn’t mind. It smells like cinnamon and ink- an odd combination but it just works because it’s Bill’s. It’s a contrast to Stan’s which is always in pristine shape and smells of soap. He likes Bill’s room though because it’s warm and cozy and feels like home.
Speaking of Bill, Bill is currently kissing Stan on his bed.
Bill always kisses hungry yet slow, like they have all the time in the world. And Stan feels grateful that in a world where they sadly don’t have all the time in the world, he’s lucky enough to be able to receive some of Bill’s time.
Stan wants to tell Bill that he would gladly give up all of his time to kiss him.
But he doesn’t know how, and he won’t. And he’s afraid Bill won’t understand what he means by that, because Stan himself isn’t even sure what he means.
Stan’s thoughts don’t make much sense in his head when he’s thinking about Bill because there’s just so much to think about.
He’s interrupted by his rambling mind when he feels Bill start to tug on his shirt.
“You’re s-so beautiful” Bill whispers when their lips part for a short second.
“Stop.” Stan basically pleads.
He has a love/hate relationship with how Bill compliments him like that because it just comes so easily to Bill, when Stan has so much difficulty trying to express how he feels about this man in front of him. And boy does he feel .
Bill instantly stops what he’s doing.
“I’m s-sorry. I didn’t m-mean to push you t-too far.”
“You didn’t! I promise.” Stan tells Bill. It hurts to see Bill’s face so apologetic when he really didn’t do anything wrong.
“Then w-what’s wrong. You can t-talk to me babe.”
Babe. Ugh he’s really trying to kill me. Stan thinks
“I’m sorry I actually really was enjoying what we were doing, but when you called me beautiful, it kind of just makes me sad. No, not sad, because I like when you call me that, but I guess I mean frustrated? Ugh I don’t know what I’m saying.”
Stan mentally face palms.
God Stan what the hell are you saying! Nice rambling!
“W-why does it make you frustrated?” Bill asks.
Stan is hesitant to answer his question and Bill can see that in his face. He intertwines both of his hands with Stan’s.
“It’s just- I don’t know! It’s hard for me, like you’re literally so freaking good at being a boyfriend. And like I wanna tell you how attracted to you I am and like how amazing you are and give you spontaneous kisses, but I can’t! That’s just not me. I’m not wired that way. Saying it out loud just feels stupid. But I can’t help but feel like you’re getting the shit end of this deal. Like I get an amazing, attractive, sweet, artistic, perfect boyfriend. And you just get me. And I don’t understand how you’re okay with that. And I know you’ll probably get over me soon and that hurts because I’m kind of in love with you.”
Lord, he said it. The L-word.
Bills face melts. And he squeezes Stan’s hands tight.
“S-Stan. I love you too. And I don’t plan on getting r-rid of you anytime soon. You’re perfect, and the most s-stunning person I’ve ever seen. You’re so smart, and f-fascinating and there’s nothing I would ch-change about you. And it’s okay if y-you’re not ‘good’ at expressing h-how you feel. That’s who you are Stan and it’s part of the m-many reasons why I’m s-so in love with you.”
“I’m sorry I got so emotional.”
“S-stop apologizing. You literally haven’t done a-anything wrong.” He says kissing Stan’s cheek lightly.
Stan smiles, at catches a glimpse of his watch. It’s 10:30.
“Can we just lay down and cuddle now, it’s getting pretty late and I think cuddling is the way I wanna end this night.”
“I’d l-love too.” Bill replies with a huge grin. Probably because Stan initiated the contact.
As they lay down Stan’s eyes begin drift off.
Bill starts to whisper in his ear.
“The highway is full of big cars
And folks is smoking anything that’ll burn
Some people wrap their lies around a cocktail glass
where you’re going to turn
“What’s that?” Stan asks, grinning ear to ear.”
“A p-poem by Maya Angelou” He replies.
“You’re b-beautiful Stanny.”
Stanley doesn’t stop Bill when he calls him that this time.
“Some prophets say the world is gonna end tomorrow
But others say we’ve got a week or two
The paper is full of every kind of blooming horror
Stan drifts to sleep with Bill’s words.
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