Unfortunately, for personal reasons, I am resolving I don’t want to use this account anymore.
No one person did anything to cause it. I’m just so tired of the social media culture. I’m tired of having to read about bad news through sensationalist posts. I’m tired of having to shoulder how yucky this world is all day every day. I’m tired of cultivating an issue of the model fan in order to try and attract new friends. I’m tired of seeing discourse about which animated characters should or shouldn’t kiss. I’m tired of playing Dodge the Spoilers every time a shared fandom I’m in updates. I’m tired of getting into indie stuff where the creators are actually on the platform and I become afraid they’ll try and police how I fan over their things. I’m tired of finding freezing-cold takes every time I try to browse for the fun stuff. I’m tired of being unable to find discourse-free people to follow. I’m sick of the responsibility that comes with following/being mutuals with a person and balancing my enjoyment of their content with my desire to try and make a friend. I’m sick of getting antsy because specific people didn’t reblog posts that I didn’t even send to them because I’m trying not to be clingy but I’m addicted to validation.
This is sudden, and I’m sorry for those who I’m leaving in the dust. I want to thank those of you who’ve cared about me and been there for me all this time. But honestly, leaving this site now will save me a lot of mental breakdowns later. I’m not ending up in the mental ward of the hospital over textposts that try to teach me how to write fanfic. Again, it’s nothing any one person did. It’s just the culture here, and honestly the entire social media culture. It’s not for me anymore. Maybe it never was.
My plan is to leave the account standing so my posts will still be there for those who want to dig them up or look through my archives, but if I find that increases my temptation to come back and start engaging in what is essentially mental self-harm, then I’ll actually deactivate and I apologize in advance for any issues that may cause. But these past three days without using Tumblr have been some of the days of greatest mental clarity since I joined it.
Again, thank you to those who did treat me as a friend. And as for the rest of it...I won’t say “fuck you.” But I will say that the only reason you all still hate the Once-ler is pure and utter misogyny. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth, and if I’m going to have any one discourse statement immortalized as my final post, that’s the hill I want to die on.
Peace out.
