canon au tied heavily to @skywalkir (currently being remade):
rather than being j.aro t.apal's padawan , a.nakin s.kywalker was cal's jedi master. being his master , it gave him a wider , less intense , rigid view of the jedi order. he was encouraged to think for himself , to act on impulse , to do what he could if he believed it was right , even if it went against direct orders. cal was also well aware of the relationship between p.adme & a.nakin , after walking in on them kissing , which could not be explained away. there was no judgment , & even if cal struggled with knowing what they were doing went against the jedi code , he cared too much about his master , as well as p.adme , who became a mother figure to him for all intents & purposes. he loved them both.
at the age of 15 , cal was sent off on his first mission alone , with a.nakin gifting him his lightsaber as a token of his trust & affection. during his mission away , however , order 66 was issued. cal managed to barely escape the onslaught of his troopers , who turned against him the moment the order was initiated. cal escaped with his life , exploding his ship in the process , leaving him to crash land in a lifepod on b.racca , where he remained for the next five years. he didn't know what happened to a.nakin , to obi - wan , to p.adme , fully expecting one of them to eventually come & get him , but they never did. when he used the force for the first time after five years , his former master felt it , thus forcing an extensive overkill of inquisitors to show up on b.racca to get him , to bring him to nur , to reunite master & p.adawan once more.
this was also the only reason cal was able to escape nur later with his life. the shock of the two meeting after so long apart , of that former , well frayed bond , were the only things cal had to utilize to get away. cal later discovered what happened to p.adme , & in his grief , he visited her tomb on n.aboo , to pay his respects five years too late , & tell her how much he missed her. during the events of jedi: survivor , v.ader is very focused on obi - wan , rather than his former padawan , so cal is able to scrape by without too much resistance , but if v.ader were to ever catch up with him , get him alone , cal is afraid the grief of losing not one , but two of the people he cared about most in the universe , would push him over the edge , & turn him into someone he wouldn't be able to recognize.
