Jeff The Killer

Honestly, what the fuck are you even doing in this blog? Well, I guess since you're already here, you might as well get comfy. Hi, my name's Jeff: I kill people and sometimes I talk about my dick. Feel free to ask me some questions or send me messages singing my praises. Also, try to ignore the feeling of being watched. They don't like it when you acknowledge their presence.

[jeff-the-killer]

We wish you a merry christmas

We wish you a merry chirstmas

We wish you a merry chirstmas

And a happy new year.

[jeff-the-killer]

Jeff! I know how much you say you drink, and how much pasta you say you eat. Is it possible that you've let yourself go the past year or so?

You fool! Every pound I add is just an extra layer of protection against body damage. Although it might look like I’m falling out of shape, I’m becoming stronger and stronger with each bowl of pasta!

[jeff-the-killer]

Are you baptismonfie?

((god i wish))

[jeff-the-killer]

Did you hear that Jeff the Killer's origin story got a rewrite by the author? It's really good. Glad to see the classics never die, they evolve

((Happy as I am to hear, I don’t think I’d want to read it. I don’t know, I’m sure the creator did a really good job, but I don’t ever want JTK to be changed from the utterly ridiculous, pulpy mess than it is in my mind.

Besides, how could I take it seriously after five years of roleplaying this worthless piece of shit?))

[jeff-the-killer]

How does it feel to have so much weird porn drawn of you?

Flattering and invasive, both in the worst possible way.

[jeff-the-killer]

I had a dream where it was at night and your shadow was on a wall. You looked very skinny and scary like a feral animal in pain that had been in a cage without food or water.

Skinny? The fuck are you on? I’m fucking ripped, dude. I’m coming at you and when I find you I’m taking you on a trip to fucking suplex city.

[exitstageentropy]

⛵ (i'm unsure if it counts bcs our "ship" consists of them screaming at each other and beating up monsters for therapeutic purposes but it's also my fave)

meme | accepting!

inbox ⛵ if you ship our muses!

my fucking number 1 ship hands down is absynt and jeff like. “no romo but hey wanna fuck and then rob a pharmacy but ONLY take their anti-fungal medications before getting into a fight about whether or not it’s acceptable to leave sacks of three day old organs in the toilet tank? which is isnt fUCK YOU JEFF ITS NOT THOSE STAINS ARE NEVER COMING OUT IM GOING TO BREAK YOUR LEGS”

and lets be real absynt. was literally made. to be jeff’s weird eldritch roomie who left tacky dildo lamps in his bedroom but also made sure there was food in the kitchen so his sorry mentally ill ass didnt starve. this was destiny. this was literally why absynt is here but now shes AN ENTIRE FUCKING CHARACTER AND ITS YOUR FAULT EDGAR 

[cinematik-deactivated20180629]

new cryptid: tumblr users who have never changed their url

[sleepysamurai-deactivated201710]

you can change your url…?

[jeff-the-killer]

i was rezed by mercy and all i got was this shitty blog

((He’s here.

I need to go sustain myself, shitposting will begin once I return.

It took me like three hours to find this theme btw omg. I couldn’t stop tho, I was committed to the “veteran tumblr edgelord” aesthetic.

Expect me to take this about as seriously as I take Jeff’s blog.))

[jeff-the-killer]

((so, in theory

if I were to make a blog where I  wrote in the exact same style I do for this one

but it was from Gabriel Reyes a.k.a. Reaper from Overwatch

would you guys be into that or what?))

[jeff-the-killer]

i've followed this account through my edgy emo™ phase and i still fucking follow it because i live by the phrase "ride or die." im not unfollowing until someone kills me. someone please kill me. (also the mod is funny af so i stay)

((oh my god you poor innocent soul.

For all it’s worth, considering I eat once every three days and sleep a grand total of two hours every night, I probably won’t last for long. So if we’re talking a battle of attrition, you’ve probably got me beat. Don’t worry, you’ll be free someday.

Also, I appreciate your loyalty <3))

[jeff-the-killer]

Jeffmod: Okay... so imagine if you will you're like

Jeffmod: 10 year old Edgar

Absynthmod: I am ten year old Edgar

Jeffmod: You're getting bullied every day, your parents hate you and you're universally considered a disappointment

Jeffmod: With me so far?

Tessmod: Relatable.

[askredrhymer]

Honestly, Jeffrey, you could do a lot better than that. 

@jeff-the-killer

[sakamuna-deactivated20220322]

new ask game: what kind of character would i be in a dating simulator game?

[cinemamind]

Jeff the Killer based on @jeff-the-killer‘s Jeff.

commissioned by @blueisanerd

[jeff-the-killer]

((Crocs. He drew my Jeff with fucking crocs.

What the fuck have I created.))

[jeff-the-killer]

((The fact that @staff continuously finds new ways to make this website worse fucking baffles me. Seriously, the level of incompetence the people running Tumblr display every time they roll out an “update” is impressive on it’s own merits.

Like... this new “safe mode” bullshit. Let’s ignore the fact that it completely fucks over LGBT+ blogs -- because that’s a fucking atrocity and worthy of scorn onto itself, especially considering that staff fucking knows what their audience is and what they’re communicating by doing this, but let’s set it aside for a bit and focus on something else. 

Can we talk about how, just in the last 3 days, I’ve been followed by no less than six fucking pornbots?

WHAT THE FUCK IS SAFE MODE EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO.

This can’t be an accident. You can’t be this fucking bad at your job without trying. Surely they’re just seeing what they can get away with at this point, right?

Anyways, here’s hoping that the fucking heroes working over @new-xkit-extension have some idea on how to fix this, because god knows staff isn’t going to do anything anytime soon. And when they do, it’ll probably only make things worse anyways.))

[jeff-the-killer]

Ive been following you for such a long time and i havent talked to you yet. So im gonna go for the classic: kys. Love you <3

I appreciate your loyalty, except not really. Also, I gotta feed LeBron later, so that’ll have to wait.