Jenni Zepol.

Singer. Songwriter. Mermaid.

[jennizepol]

Falling like rain Settling into these puddles of uncertainty Masked by love, what's my fate? Drifting into the unknown then awaking. . . Stalling is my best Swimming in these seas of everyday, everyday Masked by you, you're my chest Holding you in cause I can't bear it I can't bear it. . . music and lyrics by Jenni Zepol. written on December 17, 2014.

[jennizepol]

What will I say to have you closer? Never imagined it this way. It’s a ball game at a ballpark, Yeah, I’ve never seen it. It’s a home run, a long strike, a long shot Yeah, I feel it. What will I say to have you home now? what does that mean? It’s a ballpark in a ball game and I knew you would run It’s been a long time in a hard place and I know it’s not fun I knew it and it know it - that it’s all just bad luck What? What will I say to have you closer? Never imagined it this way. It’s a ball game in a ballpark that I’ve never been to It’s a home run, a long strike Yeah I know it’s true It’s a long shot, a strong strike Yeah I can see it - The days all dissolving and your coming close I feel it… It’s a ball game in a ballpark that I’ve never been to It’s a long day with a long start and I feel like I’m drowning It’s a ball game in a ballpark and I know its really Its really, its really, its really coming closer Its really coming closer… What will you do now? What will you say? What will you feel now? Cause your feelings never mattered anyway... Oh, what? music and lyrics by jenni zepol. recorded in Oct 2014.

[jennizepol]

it's clear I've lost you were you ever here? what is the truth? my dear, i see you're going far far is near real close to my heart you say you want it you say you do but I can't see it darling it's hard to view clear as the night break in the sky i feel you for days in more than one way come in my mind sure is disguised you're a beautiful girl... it's clear i've lost you it's clear to my heart were you ever here? what is the truth music & lyrics by jenni zepol C2014

[jennizepol]

on my way out there a world I've come to find an ocean in my mind... on my way out there as clear as day, as night a sea of thoughts defined... on my way down I find you alright I find you've drowned... and oh, dear I've sailed out my hope's you've survived this long way down... on my way, so scared of what I've come to hide secrets dark inside... on my way out there a larger than life tide a sway from side to side... on my way down I find you alright I find you've drowned... and oh, dear I've sailed out my hope's you've survived this long way down... music and lyrics by Jenni Zepol. recorded on July 13, 2014

[jennizepol]

I would be lying if I said I didn't love you here you are trying in a dark cold room where the lights flicker in and out and the monitors are the loudest sounds I already miss you... let's wipe the tears from my eyes who am I to be crying? when you're the one dying... time keeps on flying there's not much I can do days are nights and weeks, I'm high on the hope that you'll pull through the doctor's are in and out they're speaking words, but I don't hear a sound I really miss you... recorded on March 1st, 2014. lyrics and music by Jenni Zepol.

[jennizepol]

I see you in the background hear you falling from the sky... oh, don't you go take me away oh, so I know you'll be okay... I see you in the background feel you falling from the sky I follow in the same doubt how could you've been here in this life... so don't you know you take me away oh, how I hope you'll be okay... music and lyrics by Jenni Zepol.

[jennizepol]

you could see me in the silence you can see me in the sky I will hold you, feel my violence hold you close until I die... your face stone cold won't reach the kingdom of cloud and rain I curse the night float above and hope to sleep some hold you close until I die... it's you, it's you you always knew it true and I won't let go... music and lyrics by Jenni Zepol. C 2014

[jennizepol]

music and lyrics by Jenni Zepol. recorded on August 4, 2014

[jennizepol]

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26 years ago on November 8, 1987, my mother left this earth. Being so young, I don't remember many things about her, but I do remember the day my uncle took my sister and I to her graveside to tell us she was gone. He explained that we would see her again someday and that she was in heaven looking over us. I remember looking up and seeing the white puffy clouds and maybe feeling happy. Though I can't recall any hospital visits with her, I knew she was ill. Maybe I felt happy at that moment because I understood she was no longer in pain and that I would get to see her again someday. I now wonder how hard it must have been for my uncle to have to take these little girls -  who were barely 4 and 5 years old - to tell them their mother died. 

I remember my mother being happy and always smiling. I remember her being thoughtful. When we would grocery shop, she often bought grapes for my grandmother and I always got the pleasure of surprising my grandma with them when we visited.

I remember my mother's laugh. It was sweet and high pitched. I think she laughed often. I wish I could remember more about her. I wish I had a million memories that were endless. The few that I have though, will last a lifetime.

When I got the chance to speak to Vic last year, he shared stories with me I never knew. It was amazing and heart-breaking to hear them. I feel so lucky I got to hear how she was a great cook. How when they went to Tahoe on their honeymoon it was her first time flying and she was extremely terrified. How he still thought about her and visited the cemetery after all these years. 

My father and I have recently reconnected. His letters always mention her. He tells me how amazing she was. When we talk on the phone, he is taken aback and says I sound just like her. I like to think that I share some similarities with her. It makes me feel good.

I wonder what she would be like now at age 51. Would she let her gray's show? Would she dye her hair light like some of my aunts? Would she have moved to New York like I had always thought she did when I was a kid because I didn't want to believe she was gone? Would she have had more children? 

I know she would be my best friend. 

I wrote this song earlier in the year. I recorded it a couple of weekends ago when I couldn't get her off my mind. I miss her so much, sometimes it hurts.

My parents, 1980.

Crys, Mom & I.

Vic & Mom, 1987.

[jennizepol]

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I recently joined an on-line songwriting collective where a new topic is selected every month. August was my first time participating and the theme was to write a “sexy song.” At first, I was nervous and continued to ask myself: “what is sexy?” As the days crept by, I began to realize that sexy is anything you want it to be. It could be the strum of the guitar, the rhythm of the beat, the words. Making the theme my own and then sharing it with the group would bring great joy. It was very exciting and thrilling to wonder what the others would submit. As August came to an end and the submissions trickled in, the gratification of listening to everyone’s creation was extremely entertaining.

Based on the love/hate relationship of Piper Chapman and Alex Vause from the hit Netflix series Orange Is the New Black, I present to you my song “Crazy In My Heart.”

You can also listen to all of the submissions for August here: http://underweareverywhere.bandcamp.com

[jennizepol]

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New York. As a child I dreamed about visiting the big city in search of the one I've always missed. I wrote this song about her and the hopes of finding her someday.

[jennizepol]

Hello & Welcome.

Hello Everyone! I look forward to posting my songs, drawings, dreams, and illusions here for your enjoyment! Thank you for visiting. 

~Jenni Zepol.

[jennizepol]

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Robots.