j e n t h i n k s

32 | SF Bay Area, CA | easy yoke

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What a year it has been <3

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You remind me of something else Something that I used to feel Something like what I've been missing

I’ve been in this stage long enough, having missed who I used to be, yearning to once again be the girl I see in old photos. This song feels like the theme of the moment for me, awakening from the lull I’ve let myself become all too familiar with, and not that it requires any action on anyone else’s part but my own. Desperately longing for a new beginning, here’s to seeing it through.

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Entire performance is amazing but this rendition of “Sun and Moon” had me in tears.

I had the privilege several years ago to see them live for an acoustic session with my roommate, him being a huge fan of theirs and inviting me to come along. Unfortunately, I had a little too much wine and lounging on a slanted grass lawn with such calm, melodic symphony set up the perfect environment for me to pass out and miss a fair amount of the show. Sigh

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Standing in the desert, staring up at the night sky. 

No better way to celebrate another year alive.

My first try at night photography. Not bad for using the stock lens. :)

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Oct ‘21

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future husband

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seasons of life

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gives me life and assurance.

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flutter.

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I haven’t shared this on here yet.

I adopted two adorable kittens in June 2019, Matcha (grey stripped, female) and Koji (cream seal point, male).

This is the two of them cuddling in my luggage as I was packing the night before a trip.

My heart...

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Hi there, 2020

I guess I should mention that one intention of mine this year is to get back into writing, and by that, I mean something like this - popping onto tumblr sporadically whenever i feel an inkling to share something meaningful to me.

Yesterday, we celebrated my uncle’s 70th birthday. My cousin, who had shared weeks prior that they were expecting their third child and had asked for prayers due to complications, told us that she had found out the day before that they had lost the baby. Immediately, my eyes welled up with what I tried to hold back as much as I could. I just felt so much for what she is going through, the devastation and heartbreak, the fact that she had been through this four times before.

Yesterday, was the Women’s March. Maybe it’s the hormones because I’m on my period, but I became overwhelmingly emotional reflecting on the fact that there are some women who desperately want to conceive and can’t and how unbelievably unfair it is that there are women out there who can and do conceive and yet choose to undo it.

I’ve never been the type of woman to have always yearned for motherhood. That is not to say that I don’t want kids. I actually would like three of my own, to be exact. Coming from a small family because I was the only child, I knew I wanted to have a bigger family of my own. Nothing crazy, but more than one for sure, more than two, even better.

But I can’t help but wonder if maybe a similar journey I will have to bare and honestly, I don’t know if that’s something I could. 

Back to my uncle, who is very similar to my father. They are only three years apart and I have seen a softness in them that would make most men feel too vulnerable to dare show. He opened his gifts and almost couldn’t utter a thank you because he was about to break down in tears. But he gathered himself and shared how content he was, not because of the gifts, but the family he has. He was thankful for a family that gets a long and is at peace, which is a rare thing. 

I too am thankful the family I have and hope that I too can raise up a family to carry on that kind of legacy.

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ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows

sigh. life. it’s good. i mean, i think it is.

i’ve been digging deep into my feelings and current state, almost just probing to make sure that i’m getting the right response from myself. does that make any sense?

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I'm in the woods tonight, tucked away under a quilt. It's calm and it's quiet.

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Band version of my favorite Flume remix

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hi,

long time no see. its seems that my forever habit of procrastination and distractions has set in once again. i’m currently stressing over planning for an upcoming trip, but before i get into that, let me give you some updates about my life while i’ve been gone.

i started a job that contributes to the well-being of others, is fairly low stress, and has the greatest co-workers and boss.

my boyfriend and i moved in together, into a really cute apartment with a lot of light, a huge kitchen, and less than a 20 minute commute to work. both of our parents approved and gave their blessings. we’ve been living here for 3 months now and still have yet to get a couch.

we celebrated our one year anniversary of being in a relationship a little over a month ago and living together has been a breeze! i’ve been spending a lot more time with his (huge) family and feel accepted into the family already.

so about this trip - i leave next week to travel internationally for 2 weeks, visiting 4 (technically, 5) different countries and spending by birthday in Madrid (!).

all in all, life has been amazing and i am beyond blessed right now (and of course, always)! definitely trying to take in and cherish these moments while they are here. 

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When your boyfriend offers to cook dinner so you can have time to work out.

Keeper.

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Maybe I prefer sadness. Is that a thing?