jKM

A place to put the billion thoughts in my mind down.

[jkm-writes]

An Open Letter

Dear whoever's going to read this,

I am NOT lazy

I am NOT unmotivated

I am NOT a stuck up b*tch

I am so sick and tired of having to be told I am lazy because getting out of bed feels impossible, doing daily chores is tough, I don't feel motivated to do what I was doing before, I had goals a plan which I wanted to achieve.

I WANT to get out of bed, be motivated, not cancel plans, go to work, cook a nice meal, go out for a walk, be active, have a life.

Do you know how hard it is? Constantly drowning in your own self. Thinking of ways to end it, how easy it would be, how better off everyone around me will be. It's a constant battle somedays I win, most days I lose.

It's sad that I have to constantly lie that I'm feeling sick, because that's easier than telling people I'm depressed. Because our community doesn't understand what it means, how it feels.

I'm sad, I have to continuously be undermined by my family, and friends being told I'm lazy, I'm faking it, or I'm full of drama.

It's sad that I have to hide it - my scars, my reality with a smile and excuses

But guess what I'm not the only one. There are many others who struggle daily. Before you call someone lazy, unmotivated, or talk about them behind their back remember this.

Because for us we are just trying to live through that day, survive, and get better.

[jkm-writes]

Waiting

I’m waiting for you to see me,

I’m waiting for you to hear me,

I’m waiting for you to show me the love you claim to have towards me.

Waiting. 

Waiting for you to notice, 

Notice my loneliness,

See that i’m in pain.

But all I've been doing is waiting...

Waiting for a time that will never come. 

- jKM 

[jkm-writes]

There is a difference...

Between “I love you” and “love you”

Between “Night” and “Good night” 

Between “Bye” and “Message me when you get home”

Between “Morning” and “Good Morning” 

Between being “in love” and “loving somebody”

A huge difference. 

[jkm-writes]

Have I Ever

Have I ever told you how much I love you.

The way you can make me feel happy with just a quick text

The way you can calm the most anxious emotions inside of me with just one touch. 

Have I ever told you how much I love your smile but more importantly your laugh.

The way you can fix all my problems by just looking into my eyes.

I love you more than words can describe.

What I feel for you is deeper than anything I've ever felt before.

Have I ever told you?

Told you that I want to be with you forever & more. 

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

Day & Night

You would always call me. Day or night.

never wanted me out of your sight. 

I fell in love with what you said. 

I dropped my guard, and fell deeper. 

I kept falling till the point of no return

And that’s when it happened.

You no longer called me, Day or night.

You never had me in your sight. 

I had fallen so deep, so deep in your love

that I was forever trapped.

Dreaming, wishing, hoping you would call me one day or one night.

[jkm-writes]

Broken

She cried herself to sleep every night

She wanted to feel something other than sadness

Love. Happiness.

She searched long and hard.

But there was a problem.

She always searched in someone else, something else anything but her.

Then one day she had, had enough of searching and crying all alone in her sadness.

She decided. She didn’t WANT to be sad anymore. She wanted to be happy. 

So she stopped searching, and looked in herself. 

She began to love herself, and found happiness within.

She no longer cried herself to sleep.

She smiled.

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

People today are so media-oriented  I’ve seen people who volunteer every month and don’t post about it on media outlets and everyone thinks “you’re not volunteering you liar.”

Yet one person posts an image of giving food to a homeless person ONCE  and they’re looked at as “so helpful, a kindhearted, caring etc. person” just because they’ve posted about it on the internet. 

***

The media-obsessed need to understand that what people post is not always true. There is much more going on if you look outside around you. Yes the internet is a wonderful place, but to think everything on it is true, and everything not on it is a lie is wrong.

Open your mind. 

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

A note to you

Days, months, years have gone by, and yet I still wonder...

I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

I wonder if you ever look back at the moments we shared together.

I wonder what your life is like now.

Are you truly happy? Or just pretending to be?

This wonder is what is slowly making me lose my mind.

Oh this wonder....

                       I can’t help but wonder if you have this wonder about me?

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

Arguments.

When you’re in a relationship you should never have to cry yourself to sleep over arguments. 

Yes there will be arguments no relationship is perfect, but if a significant other is leaving them unresolved, and leaving you upset something needs to change. 

The last thing you should feel in a relationship is distress. If your significant other doesn’t want to talk to you then I can assure you as time progresses you will find yourself unhappy, stressed, upset, and/or depressed. 

You need to make a decision whether or not to leave now, or to leave once the relationship has taken it’s absolute toll on you. Because as unfortunate as it may seem it is very unlikely that things will change. 

- jKM

(unfortunate thought)

[jkm-writes]

 A moment of happiness, taken away within seconds, sadness overwhelming you also within those seconds. No matter how close you are to getting something you want or being something you want...if it’s not meant for you it will disappear...BUT it will in time be replaced with what is meant for you. So just wade it out, let the struggle strengthen you, and help you appreciate what will be.

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

Life

Nothing is permanent in this life, 

love, happiness, sadness, loneliness.

It’s all temporary.

So it’s important to not get too invested in something, for it can change at any given time.

Go with the flow, enjoy day by day. For what you have today, you may not get the chance to have tomorrow. 

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

Darkness

Darkness is an old friend, 

Darkness has been with me through the best of times, but more importantly my worst. 

Darkness as lonely and cold it seems is the only one guaranteed to be there once everything else leaves. 

-jKM

[jkm-writes]

Words

Words have the ability to create the deepest scars. Just one word can resonate in your mind, with negativity that could absolutely destroy you. As time goes by, in your head you begin to become defined by that word. The minute it hits your ears again, those thoughts, feelings, emotions and scars reopen...allowing that one word to create chaos in your life. 

& I leave you with this: 

“It’s true what they say, choose your words wisely, for you may never know which word holds an emotional wound that can be reopened upon hearing it.” 

- jKM

[jkm-writes]

Happiness

“She was always the one with the smile on her face.

Doing everything she could to keep others happy.

The more she tried to keep others happy the more her smile faded...

Eventually her smile was lost.”

The moral of this is you cannot make everyone happy. There are times you need to do you. Who cares if the people around you are unhappy. Their happiness is NOT your responsibility it is theirs. Just as YOUR happiness is YOUR responsibility. 

-jKM

[jkm-writes]

Thought of the day - jKM

[jkm-writes]

[jkm-writes]

perfect..

The perfect man stood before me arms open, waiting for me to run into them. My mind was urging me to go fourth “one step at a time” it kept chanting. But my heart was unsure, beating almost painfully, I think somewhere deep down I knew that this man though he was perfect he just wasn’t my perfect.