I had this friend for six years, I've always been very bad at keeping friends so I was doing my best to keep her close. I was talking to her daily and sharing things about my interests and asking her about hers and yet she barely talked to me. For two years. She would tell me that she was busy and that she's sorry but she doesn't have the energy to talk and like that's fine but I want a friend not a diary that sometimes responds, like once a month if that.
I tried to talk about things which interested her to keep her engaged in the conversation for more than ten minutes but it almost never worked.
I struggle a lot with my plans not working out, like if the plans change I will have a meltdown about it, she knows that. And yet she reschedules multiple times last minute and change literally all of the weeks plans, so of course i get very upset at her and she apologises and I forgive her and then she does it again.
Back when we went shopping she would restrict my money, telling me that I literally wasn't allowed to spend money on stuff because "you don't need it" when it was literally things attached to my special interest, I'm an adult, I can spend my money however I want, but no, she would pry it out of my hands and place it back.
She used to hit me also, back in highschool when I told her I didn't like the things she did, like I hate beans for example, the texture makes me literally throw up and she slapped me across the face for expressing that, her fingernail cut up my cheek, I needed to press a tissue against it for almost 5 minutes for it to stop bleeding, she never apologised and i forgave her.
She told me all the time that she understands that I have difficulties due to my autism (as she herself has adhd) but she never showed that understands and I think I'm realising that just now.
It's been a while since I cut her out of my life. I don't miss her and I feel kinda bad about it.
If this is what having friends is like, then I think I don't want to give it another shot.
