— dear, stupid diary (m.) —
Contains: Strong language, cheating trope ahead (you’ve been warned) sexual content, the word “hate” multiple times, and a slightly delusional jeonghan.
Disclaimer: None of this reflects Yoon Joenghan of Seventeen and is all a work of fiction.
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Unable to tag: @winterciella @kimchijeon00
She seems pretty dry lately… I’m not sure if it’s something that I did or if it’s her own internal thoughts that keep her from even talking to me much the past two days. Whatever. It’s probably better this way.
I made it a goal to distance myself from Jeonghan since he’s constantly making my life here in the house unbearable without Hoshi here. Not in the way that’s horrible either. When we’re alone, I can feel him try to carefully talk to me. He even set my laundry outside of my door after it was done. He never does things like that.
If she can’t love me or become mine… I don’t need what Hoshi has. I want what he can’t have. And if it’s y/n hating me. That’s exactly what I want.
She’s writing in her journal by the time she's interrupted with a timid knock at her door.
A moment later, Jeonghan peeks his head through and slowly comes in.
“Okay. You’ve been avoiding me lately.”
“Yes. You have.” Jeonghan points to her bed. “Can I sit?”
“I..”She adjusts in her chair. Her back is now straight and tense. “Guess, yeah.”
Jeonghan adjusts his eyes and wills himself not to notice her body language. “I see Hoshi isn’t coming home.”
“Yeah, the storm’s going to keep him there. He was supposed to have a break..The competition is going to be going on for another month anyways so…” She adjusts in her chair and sighs. “I’m sorry if I’ve been dodgy lately. I just miss him and don’t want to um…”
“Like what?” Jeonghan lets out a confused scoff.
She realizes that he wouldn’t understand her feelings— that he didn’t know how much he affected her. Telling him any of this wouldn’t make a difference. But why did this moment—now— make her wish that the space between them was close to nothing… that she didn’t have to think about the complications of having a boyfriend. With these intrusive thoughts she curses out loud and confuses Jeonghan even more.
“y/n what’s your deal?” Jeonghan runs his hand through his hair.
“Jeonghan, get off of my bed.” The sight of seeing him on Hoshi’s bed was beyond wrong. It shouldn’t be happening.
His eyes narrow again and he leans back against his hands. “It’s technically not your bed so I won’t take orders from you.”
She feels her blood boil but not with anger.
“Please. Jeonghan.” y/n pleads with her eyes. Knowing that her resistance could only last for so long.
Her voice echoes around his ears and if it weren’t for the context of the situation, he’d love to hear those specific words somewhere more intimate. The moment passes again, frozen in the air as he also connects the dots instantly in his mind.
“You can’t take this anymore, can you?” Jeonghan rolls himself back to sitting up on the bed. Now ready to throw himself forward and reach for her but before he could think to make another sly comment, or even tease her. She takes charge, yanking him from the room and pulling him out of every familiar emotion in that space she and Hoshi shared.
“I’m not stupid, Jeonghan. I know you’re trying to make me fall for you—you’re just toying with my emotions.” There’s pain in her tone of voice, as if her throat was holding back more words unable to be transposed into sentences.
Jeonghan flicks his wrist. Her smaller fingers easily slip away as he narrows his eyes. Tilting his head slowly. He approaches her smaller frame. Backing her up into the hallway wall. He doesn't stop when the wall catches her.
“stop…” Her voice is small.
Jeonghan places his hand against the wall. Leaning his head closer.
Her hands ball in a tiny fist, knuckles starting to turn white.
One second becomes ten seconds.
“Answer me.” Jeonghan doesn’t make a move to back away. He only persists to stare into her soul. “You told me that I wasn’t that bad.”
“Not when it comes to you and me.” She unfolds her fingers from her sweaty palms.
She practically hears the beating of her heart in her eardrums. Though the pulse wasn’t as loud as the way Jeonghan’s voice swirled around her and enveloped every nerve of her existence.
“So is alcohol, but that doesn’t stop you from getting drunk does it?”
His lips crash against hers.
Her eyes are shot open and as soon as her ears turn hot, she slaps him.
Jeonghan’s face is turned and his gaze is distant. Body still processing what just happened. His cheek is now flushing with the sting from her palm.
It’s almost an illusion that Jeonghan’s lip twitches into a smirk— almost. “Do it again.”
“Slap me again, y/n! If Hoshi receives love from you, give me your hate!” Jeonghan rages on the inside with several mixed emotions, his chest heaving with frustration.
He wanted to punch multiple holes into a wall, at the very same time fuck her smaller body into oblivion.
Her legs wrap around his waist and before morals could degrade the issue into a thing of the past, Jeonghan feels her hands grip the soft locks of his hair to her soft lips.
Roughly, the dance begins and there’s no stopping the symphony of tongues clashing together and grunts leading into the living room of their apartment. Jeonghan feels the tingle of pain shoot from his shoulder as her nails dig crescents into his skin. “Fuck!”
Jeonghan glares momentarily before tossing her body onto the couch and pinning her down underneath his weight. “Say you hate me, y/n.”
Her chest huffs while she peers up at the attractive and obviously frustrated man. “Why…”
“Because I won’t fuck you if there’s a possible chance of you loving me.”
More breathing fills the room and she narrows her eyes.
“There isn’t.” She lies. “I hate you.”
Jeonghan quickly unzips his pants and tears a condom open. “Good. Because you’re about to get fucked with the least amount of love you’ve ever experienced.”
—🌻chapter 5
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