john wick more like john thicc @johnwickmorelikejohnthicc - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
john wick more like john thicc
@johnwickmorelikejohnthicc
I write fanfic sometimes when it's late at night and I'm running on fumes. This account will be frantically changing fandoms as my attention span is smaller than a bird's brain. I will also be shamelessly promoting my shit on this account, so enjoy :)
Ghost is a ragebaiter. He thoroughly enjoys purposely pissing people off and is very educated in certain subjects that tend to invoke rage the most and he figures out how to use this knowledge to piss off the people around him. He gets three reactions typically from people.
Those who know he's trying to ragebait them and purposely have no reaction. Those who don't know he's ragebaiting and fall victim to his schemes. And those who know he's ragebaiting and still get wrapped up because what he just said is so absurd.
Price has learned that no reaction gets him the best results: Ghost giving up and leaving him alone. He, every once in awhile, makes a mistake and gets caught up in something Ghost says and can't back out so now he has to commit to arguing over some stupid conspiracy theory Ghost researched the night before.
Gaz knows Ghost is purposely trying to piss him off. He knows that man is trying to get a reaction. Yet he can't stand the shit he says and falls for it almost every time. Sometimes he starts arguing full force, Ghost grinning like a lunatic. Sometimes it builds and builds until he explodes. Or, once upon a blue moon, he tells Ghost to fuck off and he listens.
Soap, unfortunately, falls for it everytime. And he thinks Ghost believes almost 80% of the time. Ghost can get Soap going so easy, it's hilarious. Soap is always his favorite to fuck with. And even after Soap figures out Ghost is ragebaiting him he keeps going, even angrier now.
Everyone knows Ghost needs enrichment, unfortunately it's unpleasant for his favorite people.
The briefing room was loud in the way it always was before a mission.
Papers shuffled. Chairs scraped against the floor. Soap was halfway through arguing with Gaz about something completely irrelevant to the operation while Price leaned against the table with a mug of tea that had definitely gone cold twenty minutes ago.
Laswell stood at the head of the table, flipping through a folder.
Ghost stood slightly behind the others, arms crossed over his chest, silent as usual.
No one paid much attention to it at first.
Until he stopped listening.
Noticeably.
It happened mid-sentence while Laswell was explaining a satellite window.
Ghost’s head turned slightly toward the glass wall that overlooked the hallway.
Soap noticed first.
“…an’ if the timing’s off—” Soap stopped mid ramble and followed Ghost’s line of sight.
Walking down the hallway was you.
You had a small stack of folders hugged to your chest, head slightly down like you always walked…careful, quiet, like you were trying not to take up too much space. Your office was down the hall in the records room, which meant you sometimes passed the briefing room.
You didn’t even glance inside.
Just kept walking.
Ghost watched you the entire time.
Not in the casual way someone notices movement.
No.
It was focused. Intent. Like he’d completely forgotten where he was.
Laswell stopped talking.
Price’s eyes shifted from Ghost to the hallway.
Gaz smirked first.
Soap leaned back in his chair slowly.
“…Lt.”
No response.
“Ghost,” Price repeated, more amused now.
Ghost blinked and looked back at the room like he’d just been woken up.
“…Wot.”
Soap grinned like a shark that smelled blood in the water.
“Oh, nothing, mate. Just wonderin’ why ye look like a guard dog watchin’ the front gate every time she walks by.”
Ghost stiffened.
Laswell closed the folder in her hands slowly, clearly deciding the briefing could wait.
Gaz tilted his head.
“Records girl, right?”
Ghost said nothing.
Soap slammed his hands on the table.
“OH MY GOD YE FANCY HER.”
Ghost’s head snapped toward him.
“I do not.”
“You absolutely do,” Gaz said instantly.
Price sighed, rubbing his forehead like a tired father.
“Simon.”
“…Sir.”
“If you don’t like her.. why’d you stop listening when she walked past the room?”
Silence.
Ghost shifted his weight slightly.
Soap leaned forward, elbows on the table.
“Better question — why’ve you never spoken to her?”
That got a reaction.
A small one.
Ghost looked… uncomfortable.
Which was deeply concerning.
“Don’t see the issue,” he muttered.
Gaz blinked.
“You’ve cleared buildings full of armed men.”
Soap nodded.
“You once broke a bloke’s arm without batting an eye.”
Price added calmly, “You interrogated a cartel lieutenant… for six hours without even raising your voice.”
Soap pointed toward the hallway dramatically.
“And yet the girl who files paperwork terrifies you.”
Ghost glared at him.
“She doesn’t.”
Laswell raised an eyebrow.
“Then why haven’t you spoken to her.”
Ghost looked back at the hallway.
Like you might walk past again.
His voice was quieter when he finally answered.
“…She’s nice.”
The room went silent.
Soap squinted.
“…That’s it?”
Ghost shrugged slightly.
“She’s… soft.”
Gaz’s grin widened.
Soap leaned forward again.
“Mate.”
Ghost didn’t look at them.
“She smiles at everyone,” he added quietly.
“…Right,” Gaz said slowly.
“And?”
Ghost hesitated.
“…Feels like if I talked to her I’d… ruin it.”
That actually made the room pause.
Soap blinked.
“…Simon.”
Ghost shifted again.
“She’s not scared of anyone in this building.”
Laswell nodded slightly.
“That’s true.”
Ghost’s voice dropped another notch.
“…But she’d be scared of me.”
The room went quiet again.
Because suddenly that sounded less like Ghost the Intimidating lieutenant…
…and more like Simon.
Price spoke first.
“She wouldn’t be.”
Ghost didn’t answer.
Gaz smirked.
“You know she brings you coffee sometimes, right?”
Ghost looked at him.
“…What.”
Soap pointed toward the hallway again.
“Leaves it at the desk outside your office. Every Tuesday.”
Ghost stared.
“…That’s from her?”
Price chuckled.
“Took you long enough.”
Soap smiled.
“Oh my God he’s hopeless.”
Gaz leaned back in his chair, grinning.
“Congratulations, Lieutenant.”
Ghost narrowed his eyes.
“For what.”
Gaz gestured toward the door.
“You’re officially both too shy to talk to each other.”
Soap nodded dramatically.
“This is gonna be painful to watch.”
Laswell finally opened her folder again.
“…I’ll give it two weeks before someone locks them in a room together.”
Ghost immediately said,
“Don’t.”
Soap grinned wider.
“Oh we absolutely will.”
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Thank you @wiferiley for this request! I had so much writing this <3
That’s the important context here. The man absolutely intends it to be a joke. A bit. A little prank between old friends.
Nikolai finds it in some sketchy airport gift shop at two in the morning while waiting for a refuel clearance and laughs so hard he almost drops his phone trying to take a picture of it.
He gives it to Price two weeks later during a supply drop like it’s the most normal gift in the world.
Price squints at the folded fabric. “What the hell is this.”
“Little something for you, Captain.”
Price unfolds it.
There is a long moment of silence.
Soap immediately starts choking, Gaz folds in half laughing, and Ghost just stares at the shirt for a full five seconds before his shoulders start to shake.
“Absolutely not,” Price says.
Nikolai grins. “You do not like?”
“This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Is high quality cotton.”
“I’m not wearing a shirt that says- ” Price holds it up again like he still doesn’t quite believe the words are real and shakes it towards Nikolai for emphasis.
“Coward,” Soap wheezes.
Price throws the shirt back into the box. Thats’s the end of that. Or so they think.
Three days later, they’re loading gear onto the helo. Ghost is checking straps. Gaz is arguing with a crate. Soap is halfway through a protein bar and complaining about something when Price walks out of the barracks.
Wearing it.
Like it’s a completely normal article of clothing a decorated SAS captain should absolutely own.
The entire hangar goes quiet. Soap slowly lowers the protein bar, Gaz blinks, and Ghost stops mid-step.
“…Sir,” Gaz says carefully.
Price looks up from adjusting his watch. “What.”
Soap points at him. “You’re wearing the shirt.”
“Aye.”
“Sir,” Gaz tries again, “that shirt says-“
“I can read, Garrick.”
Ghost turns away and starts silently shaking. Soap looks like he’s about to die.
“Why are you wearing it,” Soap demands between laughs.
Price shrugs like the answer is obvious “Comfortable.”
“It says- “
“Aye.”
“That’s not bothering you?”
Price glances down at the lettering like he’s seeing it for the first time. “Hm.”
Long pause.
“Bit bold.”
Gaz makes a strangled noise, Soap has to turn away, and Ghost is absolutely losing his fight not to laugh.
Price, completely unfazed, grabs his gear.
“What?” he says, when they’re all stare.
Gaz wheezes, “Sir you can’t just- ”
“Can’t what.”
“Walking around base wearing a shirt that says you’re the World’s Sluttiest Dad.”
Price thinks about it for two seconds and then shrugs. “Still not seeing the issue.”
Across the hangar, Nikolai spots the shirt and immediately has to sit down because he’s laughing so hard he can’t breathe.
Just thinking about how funny it would be for the 141 to come into our world or one of us to go into theirs, in both senerios meeting a teen or a very young adult.
IF they came to our world they would probably be concerned as to why this smol kid is just, going with the fact that there's 5 people just standing in their living room.
After the whole "we're from somewhere else" gets cleared up the fun begins.
They get to learn about the newer slang, and the increadbly dumb arguments that happen, along with the never ending death jokes?
Like they're used to it from the military but from a 15 year old who seems perfectly fine?? You good bud??
I feel like Simon would be the only one who understands that the death jokes are the only way for them to fully cope with the state of the world.
Oh and don't even get me started on if the kid and their friends are COD fans. I've gotten in to full on arguments about who the best characters are when I was first starting out in the games. Which would result in contests like the Olympics to find out whose the best.
There's so many more jokes that I hear about that leave ME like 0-0 so how would the guys even react.
When it comes down to it they would probably ask and the kids would be like "well after Covid turned the world to hell we just make jokes to make the days brighter"
Which then brings up what Covid was.
HOWEVER
If a kid went to their world, oh my god the chaos. (lets just assume they are from the US - this will make sense in a second)
I did a little study a while back about my friends survival instincts and they are NOT intact.
about 80% of the time, the option that would end up badly (AKA the funny one) is the one that gets chosen.
So put someone like that in a highly classified military operation? Good God shits about to get real.
Of course they can't just be handed off, this thing imprinted on them or something.
141 would probably try to get rid of them because of their line of work, but I guarantee the kid would come back every time until Laswell just gives up and gives them a key card.
Not to mention the references. There's at least 37 different references a day, whether the kid realizes it or not. Most of the time no one knows what they're talking about, but sometimes it sounds vaguely familiar?
I also fully believe that should anything happen to the kid like they got kidnapped or something, while the entire base is scrambling to find them (and probably others like Alejandro, Rudy, and Farah, because any teen from here would 1000000% befriend them), the teen is just scaring the hell out of their kidnappers because this is what they were TAUGHT.
There are literal school safety videos that go out giving teenagers permission to throw desks and anything that they can at shooters if it comes to that. So you can not convince me that this kid would not at least try to make it a living nightmare to anyone who tries to take them.
And if someone like Makarov got them? They would just silently accept their fate, but still fight like hell.
Simon “I purposely antagonize the missus so she yells at me” Riley is currently getting reamed a new one in the middle of base, and Gaz- poor unfortunate soul- walks right into the middle of it.
You’ve got Ghost pinned in place with nothing but your voice. No hands on him, no weapons, just fury and sharp words.
Kyle slows. Stares. Immediately regrets having eyes.
And yet he can’t look away.
He drifts over to Soap, who’s posted up nearby like this is a cinema and he paid for premium seating. “Uh,” Gaz says quietly, because volume feels disrespectful in the presence of whatever that is. “What’s all that about?”
Soap doesn’t even glance over. “That’s his missus,” he says, like he’s explaining the weather. “And he must have done some thin’ truly bad this time, ‘cause she’s been going at him for twenty minutes.”
Gaz’s brows shoot up. “Should we… help? Get him out of it?”
Soap makes a noise halfway between a laugh and a snort. “Help? Mate, look at him.”
Gaz looks.
Really looks.
Ghost’s shoulders are relaxed. Not braced. Not defensive. His weight’s pitched forward, like he’s drawn to you by gravity. Half lidded eyes, head tilted, body language screaming more, please while your words get sharper.
Gaz swallows. “He’s… enjoying this?”
Soap’s grin turns positively feral. “Turns him on. Si’s exactly where he wants to be right now.”
Gaz stares at Ghost like the man just sprouted another head.
And Ghost, like he can feel the judgment, flicks his gaze over, catches Gaz watching, and doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. If anything, his eyes crinkle like he’s smiling under the mask.
Soap: You don't clean, you barely cook anything that's actually edible to the normal mortal man. House chores are the bane of your existence. If anything your looks are your only salvation and you hide that everyday
love the idea of billy and eddie being friends but still not running in the same social circles. like they don't really hang out at school, each preferring to sit with their own friend groups but everyone kinda has to accept that this new king of hawkins high and the nerdy drug dealer are friendly with one another and it was a shock to the social food chain.
but it's not unusual for billy and his friends to pass eddie in the hallway and chuck him a tape with a 'trade ya for that dio album' and eddie replies with a salute and just continues on his way.
metallica release master of puppets and eddie fuckin pounces on billys back, shakes him back and forth right in front of the other jocks and just yells 'METALLICA FUCKIN METALLICA' and billy just turns around and puts him in a headlock because of course he's coming over that night to listen together despite them both listening on repeat already.
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