WIZARD OF JORTS

STOP CALLING ME THE “JIZARD”

[jortwizard]

Hello Tumblr…

I am Jorticus the Wise. I am broadcasting to you all from my Jorb. My Horrible Homunculus has informed me that a secret wizard gathering is occurring soon, on the first of August in “Toronto”, I’m unfamiliar with this land, but I must assert my Wizardly Dominance upon all those who dare to show their faces to me. PLEH!! I spit on you. I pray my arch nemesis is not there for he hurts my feelings. I may be an Alpha Wizard but I remain tender and sensitive.

My Horrible Homonculus says that this is where wizards are secretly communicating… well… YOU’VE BEEN INFILTRATED. TIME TO EXPLORE THE WORLD OF JUMBLR.

DO NOT OBSERVE THIS WAVELENGTH IF YOU:

- are my arch nemesis

-call me the “jizard”. it is not funny.

-are my Horrible Homonculus.

GOODBYE.

[jortwizard]

. . . and what if it is your beloved who calls you by the name ‘Jizard’? What then, Jorticus the Wise? Would you then forsake them?

My Beloved calls me Jizard…? *i hang my head low, the shame washing over me tears welling up in my eyes*. I’ll be.. I’ll be fine. I always am… pfft. *I shrug looking like I don’t care, but in reality.. It looks like I got stabbed.* Now I’m stuck in this Ballpit dimension because of the Foolish Homestuck covered in glue shaking and missing my Beloved. WHAT THE FLIP.

GOD JAMMIT

Real Eyes

Realize

Real Lies

GOODBYE.

[grizzwaldtheponderer]

this is a reminder to whom hath acquired deep ponderings from my orb to ponder them 7 days 7 nights

Lest you never here Pon de Replay by Rihanna ever again

[jortwizard]

I am so glad I left the spire. I met a very talented knight, fellow wizards, watched an execution, and ended up with a horde of trinkets I plan on using in a potion that’s gonna change the world. Also spent much time in the ballpit. Would have preferred if it was denim

[grizzwaldtheponderer]

It was wonderful meeting a fellow wizard to share my ponders with yes quite

[jortwizard]

WE PONDERED SO HARD TOGETHER BROTHER

[kindlynurturingwizard]

I am sad to have missed the pondering.

[jortwizard]

Next year, we need a Wizard gathering. We need to start making waves in the wizard Jumblr community. Rally for a wizard panel and call it the Council.

[princesslpostings]

Hey! Check out this new spell I got the wizard to teach me!

I CAST…

BRAZILIAN WAX!

[thaparasite]

"Did you hear about what [insert celebrity] did -"

[jortwizard]

I hope you are aware that I am sincerely looking into sourcing jean beads so I may properly bedeck the jizard wizard next dashcon 😁

OH MY DAYS. I CANNOT WAIT! I WILL BE THE MOST FIERCE WIZARD OF THEM ALL

[mothsockscos]

Foolish homestuck+no jomunculus

I have cast a disintegration spell on @jortwizard perhaps I will take this as an opportunity to steal his wretched jomunculus!!!

fear not it is merely a temporary spell. I just have to rehydrate him to bring him back. though IF i will is now the question…

[jortwizard]

HELP PLEASE IVE BEEN BANISHED TO THE BALLPIT. ITS FULL OF GLUE.

[jortwizard]

I am so glad I left the spire. I met a very talented knight, fellow wizards, watched an execution, and ended up with a horde of trinkets I plan on using in a potion that’s gonna change the world. Also spent much time in the ballpit. Would have preferred if it was denim

[grizzwaldtheponderer]

It was wonderful meeting a fellow wizard to share my ponders with yes quite

[jortwizard]

WE PONDERED SO HARD TOGETHER BROTHER

[jortwizard]

I am so glad I left the spire. I met a very talented knight, fellow wizards, watched an execution, and ended up with a horde of trinkets I plan on using in a potion that’s gonna change the world. Also spent much time in the ballpit. Would have preferred if it was denim

[jortwizard]

Dearest Jortwizard, why do people call you jizard? it makes no sense.

Thank you. I don’t understand it either. People hate to see a Jort Wizard succeed I guess. It still hurts.

[mothsockscos]

because wizards who cast light spells in the middle of the night while the far superior wizard accompanying their travels (me i saved the spiral) don’t deserve to be called nice things

[jortwizard]

You play your silly Wizard Game, but this is my real life. The spiral you saved is gigabytes. Dust. Nothing. Get BURNED idiot. You are full of Grey Face paint and no funny jokes. PLUS NO JOMUNCULUS.

FOOL.

[jortwizard]

Dearest Jortwizard, why do people call you jizard? it makes no sense.

Thank you. I don’t understand it either. People hate to see a Jort Wizard succeed I guess. It still hurts.

[jortwizard]

Jizzard Wizard

YOU IMP!!!!!

[jortwizard]

jizard

SHUT Y OU R MOUTH. YOU KNOW NOTHING OF JORT MAGICS. NOTHING. JOTHING. YOU THINK YOU’RE SO FUNNY HUH? YOU THINK YOU’RE SOME CLASS CLOWN SOMEONE WHO GETS A REAL LAUGH OUT OF PEOPLE. WELL YOU DON’T. YOU JON’T. BE QUIET AND GET OUT OF MY JORACLE.

GOOD. BYE.

[jortwizard]

Gathering followers of my jort cause. THE HOMESTUCK is making people call me the “Jizard”. I’m humiliated.

[jortwizard]

jortwizard, why use a homunculus when goblin slave armies locked in the dungeon are easier to punish and maintain?

Common question I frequently recieve in the oracle. The goblin vs. homunculus discourse amongst Wizards isn’t a subject I usually involve myself in, but I prefer the personalized experience with the homunculus. Because its spirit has been around so long and I keep rendering its physical form over and over again, the homunculus is easier to train and remembers its tasks around the spire. The Denim I source for my Jomunculus is locally grown so I also find it is a more affordable option, especially considering the state of the Wizarding Economy right now.

[jortwizard]

I HAVE SEEN THE GREAT WIZARD SPIRE IN TORONTO. DASHCON 2, PREPARE YOURSELVES.