the one where ross falls out a window (a story for sage)
sage isn’t usually the paranoid type but tonight she feels as if everyone else on the road can tell that the car she’s driving is stolen. it’s around 2am and everyone else is driving really cautiously and nobody will pass her. as it turns out, everyone else out on the road right now are also driving stolen cars and nobody wants to drive suspiciously, which makes them all suspicious of each other. haha jk sage has never broken a single law in her life and she for sure isn’t about to start now!!!! ok no really tho she really did steal that car lol sage is a badass outlaw and she stole this car to add to the pile of other stolen cars she has. when this pile gets to 23 feet high she’s gonna jump it on her stolen motorcycle. haha wow she really is badass. but why 23 feet???? lmao isn’t that obvious?? bc 23 is the number that was on the jersey michael jordan wore in the critically-acclaimed 1996 movie space jam, which is sage’s favorite movie of all time. hey something cool i just found out from looking up space jam trivia is that r. kelly won a grammy for his song “i believe i can fly” in the category “best song written specifically for a motion picture or for television” also r. kelly’s first name is robert. he won the grammy in 1998 tho which was two years after the movie came out so now i’m confused as to how grammys work. anyway sage gets home and throws the car on the pile of other stolen cars. the pile is getting up around18 feet, just a few more cars and it’ll be time to jump it haha it’s gonna be sick as hell. this is the third car sage has stolen today and she’s exhausted. as soon as she gets inside her house she falls asleep and has a dream that she’s a giant jellyfish. she lives at the bottom of the sea in a house with six roommates who are all also giant jellyfish. she realizes none of her roommates can speak english, but instead communicate in their own jellyfish language that sage can’t understand. she begins to feel very isolated and alone and begins to swim away from the house. sage swims for a vague amount of time before realizing she’s no longer in the sea, actually she’s no where at all, just floating in an empty void. suddenly she sees something far up ahead and as it gets closer she sees it’s a purple sea turtle that doesn’t have a tail. “oh okay so maybe i’m still in the sea after all” sage thinks to herself. “no u were right the first time,” the turtle tells her. “this is a wide, yawning black infinity which reaches in every direction, its extension is endless and the sensation of depth is overwhelming. the darkness is immortal and pure and lives both outside and inside of you. “darkness has never been inherently bad. it frees the mind while simultaneously allowing it to relax, to find a quietness in the tumult of every day life. the darkness is always there, u can find it anywhere u go.” “the darkness is good” says sage. “the darkness is great” says the sea turtle. sage wakes up feeling better rested than she’s ever been before. she gets on her stolen motorcycle and goes out to scout for potential cars to add to her pile. t h e e n d .