You said you loved me. Yet you only cared about my feelings or our relationship when it was at a breaking point. Then when I told you I was done for good and I made it clear I meant it more than anything this time. You tried to tear me down. All the things I had come to you about, hoping that you'd be the first person to support me when I'm struggling. You tore me apart. You tried to take away the things I was proud of. You used your kids and the great relationship we had to hurt me because I was the one who made the decision to break up. Because I wasn't going to tell someone I loved them. Then get so mad at them I want to hurt their feelings like they're hurting mine. I will never, never delude myself into believing that is love. You belittled me for asking you to get off tiktok and fb. When I was simply asking that when we spent time together you were actually present in the moment. You accused me of being a narcissist. You used my mother's opinion that I'm an excellent manipulator to hurt me. Saying she was right all along about me. You used the opinion of a mother who constantly talked shit on her child growing up and still to this day she does. She is the exact reason that I will never tell someone I love them. Without understanding and accepting the responsibility of saying those words. Telling someone you love them without doing that is just cruel. It's false and nobody needs your pity sympathy.
I have never in my life forced myself to tolerate being treated the way you treated me. Hoping to myself that you'd change and understand that everyone needs to grow as a person. That unresolved trauma is something that has to be worked on. Until you work through whatever traumatic things happened in your life. You will never be able to properly love another person.
You told me I was wrong for expecting to be respected and shown love. Wrong that I wasn't going to wait around until the day you might finally accept you do need to work through your shit. Wrong that I wasn't going to deal with being hurt by you over and over. Waiting for you to grow and stay patient while you tear me apart. She literally told me she won't go to counseling cause she doesn't need it. Yet also told me she was told by a therapist she doesn't know how to empathize. Make sense of that...
Im glad I finally forced myself to accept this couldn't work out. That it will never work out. Im done with yoy giving me just enough effort to keep me with you. The bare minimum. You strung me along with hope that you'd understand what it means to decide to be in a relationship with someone. The lifestyle changes that are unavoidable.....
Fuck I'm just done. Let's hope I don't spend the entire day on the edge of breaking down and balling my eyes out.
This sucks, this hurts, it's breaking me.
