“I don’t really know what to think anymore. Maxxx is a great guy but he’s so possessive that I just had to make a point, you know?”
“He kinda doesn’t really want to get the message, though…”
-“How about a little exxxtra spice 🔥🔥🔥??”
- “AND TRUST ME, I FRICKIN’ CRUSHED IT THIS MORNING, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MAXXX’S EYES! I’D BE SURPRISED IF SHE’S STILL ABLE TO WA-.”
- “Dude, I SO don’t want to hear about your d-game.”
“I don’t trust either of them. One day Roz acts all morally superior just ‘cause I was close to crashing my UFO into this hoard of degenerates, and now he brags TO ME about stealing another guy’s girl. Or maybe going for April’s implant ass is his way of dealing with me turning down his hatefuck offer? Whatever complex this qualifies as.”
-”WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING??”
-”Keeping my eyes on your fake ass, literally and figuratively.”
-”Excuse me??? First, there’s nothing fake about daily pilates with Misty Waters. Second, not into girls and third, DON’T STALK ME WHILE YOU’RE TAKING A DUMP.”
“Actually, I just wanted to piss her off.”
-“Drop that hairy piece of filth and be with me, April! We look so much hotter together, plus you can be the no name bimbo breaking my heart in all my music videos once my career really takes off!”
-”Oooo when you put it that way…”
“Maxxx really does know how to charm a girl. Who knows, maybe we truly are meant to be together after all. I mean, if he didn’t care about me, he’d just be looking for another girl as we speak.”
-“Damn April, I gotta give it to you, you really are outdoing everyone in this house!”
-”Embarrassingly low bar, let’s all be honest - I mean, Watcher, I just wasn’t sure about what I wanted. :( ”
-”Pfft, not hard when she’s living with both douchebags.”
-”Jealous much, desert queen Isabella?”
-”I just have class and don’t take every available opportunity because I’m cheap. All that talk about me having dated over 25 football players are just cruel lies!”
-”I haven’t heard anyone talk about it on here besides you-”
- Um, well, speaking of looking cheap, where’s Angie?”
“Look, the last day really SUCKED for me and I’m just trying to distract myself from the fact the guy of my dreams chose some bimbo who immediately cheated on him over me.”
“Angie is coming into the living room and all of the sudden starts tickling me. Just like the girls during my bartending days, you haven’t spoken a word to me before, neither when I pulled out a BuzzFeed article from 2017 featuring SimNation’s top 50 worst pick-up lines, or when I asked her for a mint to get the taste of vomit out of my mouth yesterday. Just now when you’re lonely and desperate - I suddenly exist!”
-”Get your claws away from me you freak!”
-”Did YOU OUT OF EVERYONE just call me a freak??? And who put that horrid music on, sounds like 8th graders during band rehearsal after discovering MySpace.”
-”You mean my mixtape I’m aggressively dancing to??”
-”WHAT? NO MAXXX, NEVER!!!! YOUR MUSIC CANNOT BE DESCRIBED IN WORDS!!”
“I’m meeting up with this girl I ran into at the club yesterday. I just knew the moment I saw her she was something special… reminds me, should ask for her name again.”
“So everyone is having a good time, we’re dancing, it’s great. And suddenly, out of nowhere…she kisses me.”
-“Oh baby, I couldn’t be more turned on by you than right now, in your sweat stained maxis tracksuit.”
-”Let’s take this somewhere more private, shall we? ;)”
“Maxxx and I need to figure out where we’re at. If we really are ready for a relationship together.”
-“April, I love you, but honestly I think only I deserve you, so I’m ready for this relationship thing if that means I won’t be seeing you near these out of your league morons ever again. It’s unbearably insulting to my looks and charm seeing what the guys you decided are my actual competition look like.”
-“Your face looks just like the Sector 6 aliens I would sometimes see on vacation at Sector 8, so grotesquely deformed I always used to wonder how their organs were even remotely working… say, what do you do for a living?”
“Maybe it was the amount of bubbles clouding her judgment or something, but as much as I can’t stand the girl, this was honestly sad to watch.”
-”Performing human experimentation. But my wife and I are certainly not opposed to extending our selection of interesting subjects.”
-”I mean, yeah, it doesn’t have to be a two-men show but that’s one weird metaphor.”
-“It’s official, these clownshows are dating now. But they’re gonna break up so fucking fast, trust me.”
“Angie is my only friend in this house, so obviously I had to let her know about everything I just saw. So pathetic.”
-“Maxxx, can I maybe talk to you for a sec?”
-”Angie, look, you’re a nice girl and will surely find someone, but Maxxx doesn’t want anything from you.”
-”NOT THE THIRD PERSON THING AGAIN, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME??”
“It was going great, the girl and I relocated to the hot tub and then… suddenly I see everything flashing white! I just thought “Wow, must be the best woohoo I ever had.” ‘til I realize…”
“I almost died, would you think this chick even moved a muscle? She just sat there grinning, like she was enjoying it. So no idea if we’re dealing with an actual succubus or if she’s just got some crazy fetish.”
“And that’s not even the worst thing that happened.”
