[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

i hate looking at the thermometer and seeing some fuckass number like 2

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

come the fuck on

[cheruib]

not to sound in love with the moon but im in love with the moon and the way she glows and shines and keeps me company in my loneliest nights

[toad-licker]

[mysticmuse0]

[tomcruisingthroughlife]

[feluka]

cats being capable of understanding accidents and even giving you a little head bonk to let you know you're still cool makes it infinitely funnier that they don't understand when you're trying to help them

cats when you step on their tail: i'll admit that was rather ouchie, but given the lifetime of goodwill and trust between us, one must conclude this booboo is but a fluke.

cats when you try to get their claws unstuck from the couch covering: this nefarious bitch has never had a single honorable intention in their dishonest and shameful life, this must be one of their sinister plots or perhaps even an attempt on my life,

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[elcycyromem]

if i was tortellini filled with ricotta and they dunked me in a big tub of marinara i wouldnt fight bac

[daily-spooky]

[fruitblush]

im suffering from a horrendous disease called being in your 20s

[punkrock-bottom]

How slutty would you say you are?

In theory? Very. In practice? Not at all. I’m lazy.

[pisshandkerchief-deactivated202]

In theory I am indeed a slut. In practice I'm ace but I make a ton of dirty jokes

[lastcupofsorrow-deactivated2024]

hey so there’s a video circulating on the internet right now of a man offing himself. it’s being spread on tiktok, twitter, and facebook. so if you see this:

then scroll away immediately. this video is also being hidden in animal videos and calming videos on tiktok as a jump scare so just stay off of tiktok for a while.

if you need to turn off video auto play on Twitter, here’s how: Settings and privacy > Data usage > Autoplay > Never

[mysexualthoughtsandconfessions]

Do you ever just look at someone’s fingers and think “yeah I need those in me”

[auditorycheesecakes]

the only bad thing about garlic is all the paperwork you have to do before you can even cut it up

look at that

layers and layers of bureaucratic bullshit

[herstarburststories]

(Y/N): Did it hurt when you fell?

Dean, smirking: From heaven? Old one, sweethe--

(Y/N): No, when you fell out of the car. I watched you trip over your own feet and just lay there on the floor for ten minutes.

Dean:

(Y/N): I saw that.

Sam, laughing: We all saw that.

Castiel, confused about the heaven falling line but worried about Dean: I can cure you if you need assistance.

[normal-horoscopes]

LISTEN I ONLY DO UNETHICAL MAGIC IF ITS REALLY FUNNY

[cruzfucker]

third base is me asking if you hate me