Live. Laugh. Love.
The last few months have been rough, to say the least. After my dad passed in March, I never thought I would recover. Well, I still haven't but that pain has been temporarily dulled while I grieve the loss of another important person.
Patricia and Dwayne Mans came into my life at a pivotal time. Few people really know about my childhood and those who do probably only know a bit. I never really fit in at the small parochial school that my parents worked so hard to pay for, in addition to the scholarship money that the school gave me to attend because we were the "poor" family. My dad was fairly absent but not because he was a bad dad. It was because he worked second and third shift to make sure that I could attend that school, play basketball, and do the things I wanted to do. Back then, I didn't understand all of that, I only understood that my dad was never around and my mom was always sick. I used basketball as an outlet, nothing more but one weekend after a really terrible display of athletics Pat and Dwayne extended an offer for me to try out of their team, SKILLS. As you can imagine, I was scared of the unknown but intrigued by the possibilities. After a little convincing my mom let me try out. I don't remember a lot of the details but I remember the feeling that I got when I walked into Otto Middle School for the first time and the feeling of welcome that encompassed the entire building. I didn't know many people, in fact I only knew one person that first day other than the two friendly faces of Mr. and Mrs. Mans. At the end of the day I was given a white envelope and ran to my car to tell my mom about the experience. The rest is really history. Playing basketball was only an added benefit of being a part of the SKILLS organization. It was really about developing the entire person, gaining confidence, learning that life isn't always going to being rainbows and sunshine but no matter you have to get through it and it is your choice whether or not you are going to make the best of it. I frequently left SGS in a funk because honestly, being an adolescent it hard enough for those who can fake it, it was obvious that I didn't belong there. However, on the days I went to Otto for practice with girls that would later continue to change my life, I fit in, It didn't matter if I was poor, or different, or dumb. That was the culture that Mr. and Mrs. Mans set. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had the stability I was always looking for.
I remember the ups and downs I went through during this time period. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through several treatments the seemed hopeless. I was angry when I was told I had to go to Waverly instead of Sexton because of where we lived. My dad continued to work more and more to make up for the crazy amounts of money we had going out in medical bills, did I mention I was just angry? Through all of this, I was encouraged by the Mans's that this was just one of life's tests and that I would make it through, no matter what. At the eighth grade graduation (for SKILLS) Mrs. Mans told us that we had to make a speech and I cried as I read about how much I was going to miss everyone and how I didn't want to go to Waverly. (This was the first "public" speech I made and I believe it helped prepare me for all of the things I do today. I never would have thought I would be presenting a HUD grant in a couple of weeks in front of all of the social service agencies in the city)
Then I went to Waverly. That was interesting to say the least. I played both JV and Varsity for the first month or so until I was moved up to Varsity permanently, people were afraid of me because they didn't know me, I was forced to physically fight to keep myself safe from some terrible teens, my mom was still sick, my dad was still working, and the only way I could cope with the stress was to control the only thing I thought I had power over, food. For the next year and half or so I battled anorexia and no one noticed. Not my coach, not the handful of friends I had, and not my family. That was until I went to an Eastern vs Sexton boys basketball game and Mrs. Mans asked if "they fed me at that school". I never told her the truth and just laughed it off an blamed the significant weight loss on two-a-days. A few weeks later I somehow decided that I didn't want to live like that anymore. All this time I was begging to transfer to Sexton but no one would listen, or at least that is how I felt. I guess my mom started to notice something was wrong when I was "jumped" by a girl for something I was not involved in. I don't remember much about the fight but I do remember the girl calling from the hospital telling me she was going to press charges. Obviously, she couldn't because she was the aggressor. This was the point my mom let me transfer.
The first day and the rest of my time in school at Sexton was everything I had hoped for. I was finally back with my family. The rest of the details are bury because I was happy. I was happy to be back with the girls who cared about me and with the coaches that knew who I really was. This was the time when the Mans's helped me figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, showed me what hard work really was, and taught me how to love unconditionally. Mr. and Mrs. Mans lead by example. They never expected something of us that they didn't do themselves and I really respected that about them. They believed in me in ways I had never experienced before. They even convinced me to play ball in college after I had made the decision not to.
Saying they changed my life is an understatement.
As a young person I still have a tendency to forget about how short life is and I find that I don't take enough time to really reflect on the little moments. I am still in awe that you are gone but I know that you will forever be present in the things I do throughout my life. My vow from this point forward to to make sure I embrace all the wonderful things you embodied and lead by example like you did. your death was far too sudden and has left a huge void in my life but I know that he time was well spent.
