🍸 JUDAS 🍸

[judas2002]

My name is Judas, although you can call me Jude (after St. Jude of hopeless causes) or other nicknames.

My body was born 2002, although I conceptualize myself as being in my late 30s or early 40s.

I use he/they pronouns out of a sense of deep self loathing and respect for real women. I choose to not label my gender beyond “Monster”. My species is dehuman (as in less than human).

I am in the process of pursuing specialty therapy. I am suicidal, psychotic, and hate myself. I am a non-offending hebophille. I am also an alcoholic with an affection for malort and my beloved Malort.

I share a body with @radqueer-dove

[annabelle--cane]

what I mean: "sexual intercourse" is as much a social construct as "romantic courtship," and you discover this very quickly as a queer person if you try to talk to able bodied straight cis people who literally think the only thing that counts as Actual Sex is penis-in-vagina penetration, like they call oral "foreplay" it's so dire. various people have a lot of vested interest in cleanly defining "sex" vs "not sex" for a whole slew of reasons (ex. censorship dodging and enforcing, conferring the social clout of virginity and prowess, finding and closing loopholes about premarital sex, deciding what relationships "count" as serious partnerships, ligating what is general assault vs sexual assault vs Something That's Definitely Probably Fine And Not Sexual At All, Actually, etc.), and it's really not something you can just fall back on as obvious common sense that people are dumb for questioning.

what I say: sex isn't real and you can't have it

[judas2002]

I have my first therapy appointment today. I’m very nervous about being put in inpatient or having the cops called on me again. Ideally however, I’ll be able to talk about my paraphillia related suicidal ideation and trauma with someone who knows her salt.

[parapride]

sometimes its hard to even feel bad about the paraphilias i have. okay? youre mad at me and ive literally never hurt anyone because of my paraphilias. im drawing and reading and having sex with consenting adults and youre mad? youre shaking in your fucking boots because i posted a flag you don't like? fucking cringe

[judas2002]

Beachfront Property

For this cocktail you will need the following

- a glass that makes you happy

- a funny shotglass (The recipe will not work if the shotglass isn’t funny)

- honey

- salt (Preferably margarita salt, but any salt will do as long as you have a bowl or plate to put it in)

- two limes or their equivalent in juice

- vodka (I’m using 50%)

- cold water (I’m using my roommate’s lime infused fridge water but you can use whatever tastes the best)

- a knife

First you will need to prepare your glass by coating the lip in honey. You can either do this by putting honey on a bowl/plate and then dipping the glass into it, or you can manually squeeze the honey onto the lip while over a sink.

After that, you will need to dip your now honey-coated lip into your salt the same way the honey section was done.

Next you’re gonna cut the limes into half and squeeze their juice directly into the glass.

I like to flip my limes in the squeezer a couple times to make sure I really get all the juice out, and then I add the corpses to my sober roommate’s fridgewater so we can both have a treat :)!

The next step is to put two shots of your vodka into the glass. After that you pour your cold water in until the glass is full to your liking.

The final step is to stir with your knife and then enjoy your wonderful Beachfront Property!

[mabe1pines]

how is trump alive?? like hes rlly gone thru his whole life like That …. and no one has ever just fuckin decked him?? gave him the ole one two? knocked his lights out??? incredible

[valla-chan]

sorry to improve your day without much notice but 

[glyxiebear]

NEVERMIND REBLOGGING AGAIN BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WE ALL NEED

[nonbinarydave-archived]

This is cathartic

[bogleech]

People just becoming politically aware are never going to appreciate just how fucking hated this guy was before he was in politics. He was hated for over half a century. Everyone aware of him mocked and derided him as a cheating, greedy corporate asshole and mindless bully and this is by far not the only time anyone clocked his ass but it is probably one of the only times it got caught on video. Hatred of him was bipartisan all my life and it just goes to show how easily right wingers can be suckered by anyone who kisses their collective asshole on their pet agendas.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Never forget that the reason Trump seems like an over-the-top stupidly villainous antagonist from a 90s movie is because half of them were based on Trump and making fun of him.

The reason The Simpsons and a handful of other comedies ‘predicted’ the Trump presidency was because he kept saying he wanted to run and nobody could think of anything funnier than a President Trump.

[randomchild20-deactivated202408]

Seeing tr*mp just get fucking decked instantly made my night better

[mentally-unstable-bagel]

aw fuck yeah

[lezbeankitties]

this made my whole fucking life better

this is my new background for google.

[ellewantsrevenge]

i’ve survived two trump presidencies without seeing this? shame

[rockshitty]

Yearning for what you can never have is beginner level. Real yearners know the good shit is what you could freely have if you allowed yourself to, but never will.

[judas2002]

I have made a bingo for myself at the request of both Roxx and dovey

[patricia-taxxon]

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[patricia-taxxon]

oops, in your attempt to martyr yourself out of respect for your victims you accidentally sabotaged your own ability to conceptualize yourself as anything but a perpetual evildoer who is always one bad day away from hurting everyone you love, all but guaranteeing history to repeat itself. rookie mistake

[patricia-taxxon]

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

You and a remorseful abuser would both think I'm giving the easy, coddling path. It's actually the tough pragmatic path in disguise.

[ship-of-fools]

[actualaster]

The kinds of people who argue once you abuse somebody you can never, ever change and grow past it and stop being abusive are almost 100% of the time people who will contort themselves into intricate knots in an effort to justify any and all harm they cause to anyone else in order to make sure they never have to come to terms with the fact that they're equally capable of being abusive to others (and in a not insignificant number of instances I've seen people who do this be abusers themselves but they've convinced themselves their victims deserved it so they're still morally pure).

[judas2002]

I don’t label myself with a contact stance because I don’t care if a minor has the ability to give informed consent or not. My personal boundary is that I won’t romantically or sexually engage with a minor no matter what. Anything else is just pure hypothetical to me.

I feel that there is too much focus on contact stance in the MAP/AAM community and not enough on what people are actually doing.

If a minor says they can give informed consent to sexual activity, it is not my place to argue with them, especially considering how many people are treated as if they don’t know themselves or their abilities/needs purely based on their age. I do not know them as intimately as they do themselves. As someone who genuinely loves teenagers and children, it is important to me that they are treated like full people.

And also, at the same time, informed consent is a conversation and not a yes/no question.

I have had kinky sex with an adult partner under the assumption that he understood what was happening and as a result of my assumptions and lack of both check-ins and failure to explicitly tell him that my attempts at aftercare were in fact, aftercare and not just casual chatter/food runs, I ended up causing a traumatic experience for him (complete with flashbacks).

It is soul-crushing to unintentionally harm someone you love, and as a result, I am now very uptight about my pre-sex negotiations to the point of requiring my subs to fill out literal paperwork on their issues, preferences, and limits. (Not to mention never domming our adult partner again! While he doesn’t hate us nor has he broken up with us, I don’t want to risk harming him again)

So, I suppose in a way, my refusal to engage with minors is a way of protecting them from myself and myself from both the law and someone deciding on a whim that they don’t want me anymore. I believe that true love is patient, so people willing to wait for me make me swoon in an odd sort of way.

Regardless, I consider minor/nonminor relationships with an age gap greater than 3-4 years to be high risk and I worry about people in said relationships having said risks leveraged against them. I don’t think that they’re inherently unhealthy, but they require a level of work to remain healthy that most people cannot put in

[judas2002]

My host made an emoji of me. I’m not sure how to feel other than vaguely flustered that she chose to depict the vaguely guilty pleasure I get from littles and middles instead of any other emotion

[onyxnoon]

As a victim of childhood sexual abuse, kill your local pedophile always translates to murder and ostracize minorities regardless of their actual attraction to children instead of shooting up the Catholic Church and other institutions that cover up or actively participate in child sexual and physical abuse. No one is gonna be killing my mother, my uncle, and my other rapists for what they did, they'll be gunning for people of colour and queers.

I don't trust your callout campaigns in the slightest. I don't trust when you start talking about grooming like you're on Tucker Carlson's podcast. I don't trust your bad faith readings of basic concepts that most people who rape children are adults in positions of authority over children including priests, teachers, and family members, and that the vast majority of them are opportunistic child predators, not people with an actual sexual attraction to children.

At times like these I think about how there's been few and far between mental health campaigns and services to prevent pedophiles from offending. If you want to protect kids, stop the abuse from happening. As a survivor, my main thought is You cannot unbreak a child. That harm cannot be undone. And if we want to even have the pretense to pride ourselves as societies in a belief in justice, preventative murder is much further from it than any sort societal changes that protect children through education, therapy, and an expansion of the rights of children to have reasonable autonomy and legal protections as more than simply property.

Get rid of child marriage. get rid of unmonitored homeschooling. get rid of parental supremacy in regards to vaccinations and other medical decisions. Hela willing, get rid of ballet, beauty pageants, and contact sports for kids, stuff that does measurable permanent damage to their bodies and minds before their old enough to make that decision.

Do something to protect and support kids instead of soothing your fucking conscience by complaining about drag queen story hour or reblogging another callout post about a transfem who talk about fucking another transfem she calls her sister.

[chimericchaos]

"Why does every person who makes cool stuff turn out to be a pedo😭😭😭" idk maybe because pedos have a dream of making the world a better place through art and happiness and love and actually get shit done?

[judas2002]

NSFW + In-system Relationship

Malort and I had shower sex earlier and thinking about it still makes my insides light up and my head feel comfortably fuzzy. My favorite part was when he grabbed our shower chair and just forced me down onto his cock* until I could feel the ache of it pressing on my cervix. I wish we had separate bodies so he could more easily manhandle and fuck me. I want him to split me in half

* (Technically it was a dildo but I hate how unsexy that word is)

[judas2002]

I believe in brighter days ahead.

One day we will be able to talk openly about our issues without people threatening us or treating us like we’re abusive just for having an attraction we didn’t ask to have.

We will be able to openly attend support groups of people who are just like us instead of having to hide on the internet.

We will be able to discuss paramismia related trauma with any therapist at all without them calling the cops on us or having to clarify that we’re not abusers.

One day I will be able to casually mention having feelings for a minor and get a “Aw man, having a crush you can’t do anything about sucks” instead of constantly being afraid that I will be demonized or even killed if I ever open up

[fleshst4r]

.

we're not going to make it

we will make it

it'll take too long to rebuild ourselves

we will make it

but what if we don't wake up in the morning

we will make it

i don't see a future with me in it

we will make it

we'll give up long before then

we will make it

im scared

i love you. we will make it

Voting ended onApr 11

[animnightmare]

The votes on this post. Oh. A poem in poll form, interactive art, the fact we can see how the other people reading it felt. im. this is really good.

[acreaturecalledgreed]

the concept and idea of “you can always start trying to be a better person” is extremely important to me both in media and irl and i continue to be deeply deeply disturbed by the trend on this site pushing that these ideas in media are bad writing or even morally reprehensible

because theyd rather someone stay terrible or just straight up die than become a better person 

from a compassionate point of view it’s deeply distressing and from a pragmatic point of view it’s outright frustrating

it’s fucked up. 

[falliblefabrial]

What is the most important step a man can take?

The next.

[inklesspen]

[babblingfishes]

I think part of the pushback about this is the idea that, to “redeem” bad people, their victims must first forgive them for unforgivable acts.

This is false. No one is obligated to forgive you. You can learn from your mistakes and become the best, kindest person on earth, and the people you’ve hurt still won’t forgive you, and you’ll have to accept that. And that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to grow. Because we aren’t just “pure” or “sinful”, we’re complex.