a few years post-canon, yunmeng shuangjie is on the path to reconciliation and for (insert whatever here) reason, jiang cheng is back on the market searching for a wife. wei wuxian is extremely worried, his shidi is nearly 40 and a virgin!! how can he possibly satisfy the future jiang furen if he doesn't even know how to kiss!! so wei wuxian comes up with the brilliant idea of giving a bit of crash course to jiang cheng, with practical classes, ofc, and yes, jiang furen will be a woman but the principle stays the same (he thinks, he's not that sure about it). and since he and lan wangji have a very active sex life, who would be better than them?
since he figures that if wei wuxian volunteers himself he'd surely be rejected bc *gestures to their relationship as a whole*, he manages to convince lan wangji so that he gives the practical part while he just, yknow, sits on the side, providing moral support and giving constructive criticism. lan wangji agrees bc he loves his husband very much and the opportunity to show jiang cheng he's better than him at yet another aspect in life is too good to pass up (also he may have had a passing thought or two about shutting jiang cheng up in a number of ways but that is neither here nor there).
so there goes the married couple, with the extremely serious offer of teaching jiang cheng the pleasures of sex. jiang cheng doesnt know if he should be more shocked that they thought of this, that lan wangji agreed or that they genuinely think that he's a virgin.
jiang cheng, tired of wei wuxian treating him as if he's still 15 and don't know anything about the world, (he's not the one who was dead for 16 years, shixiong!!), agrees to it on the condition that lan wangji bottoms since apparently this is to teach jiang cheng to have sex with a woman. or so they say.
what no one predicted was the married couple throwing their own name and sabotaging every other one in the matchmaking pool following that night.
("lan zhan, lan zhan, i didn't even know bodies could bend that way! and i've never seen you look so flushed! are you sure you're okay?" "......mn. i had not thought zidian would be such a resourceful spiritual weapon.")
