We need to stop making a sterotypw for rape. Everyone thinks rape is that scene in the movie where the girl is attacked and held down and she’s screaming and begging for them to stop.
But sometimes rape is being really drunk at a party. And you have a bad reputation so you ‘always want it’. So your so called friends put you in an eclosed space with someone they know THEY KNOW you don’t want to sleep with. But they think you won’t remember or maybe they don’t care if you do.
You’re crying because you miss some asshole that broke your heart. So your sobbing about another guy. And this guy who you were forced into a truck with starts “consoling” you. He rubs your back and tells you it’s okay and starts taking off your pants and your too drunk to say no. But he didn’t ask you anyways. Your numb and you’re slobbering and crying, sobbing uncontrollably. And he does it. He just has sex with you.
While your crying over a guy who you thought you loved.
While you’re crying someone else’s name.
Then the only thing he has to say when he’s done is “well that shut you up for a minute”
The thing is, I didn’t know I was raped. I was so brain washed about what “rape” was. Technically I didn’t say no so I guess it wasn’t rape. I didn’t fight or scream. I felt so dirty and nasty and I couldn’t scrub it off if I tried. But i never talked about it again. I hadn’t been raped there was no way. It didnt add up. It wasnt like the rape scenes in the movies. And i didnt want to be that girl. The girl who cried rape.
So I pushed it away. It was gone, until almost a year later it hit me. I felt all the pain again. And I realized.
It was rape. He raped me. He had sex with me and he didn’t even ask me. He knew I was too drunk to even know what was going on. But I knew. I know. I remember. The worst part though, is that my friends helped him. People that I trusted help him rape me. This is the reason I can’t even trust the man I’m about to marry, even though I try desperately every day.
What did I do to deserve that? Because I was a slut? Because one more guy didn’t matter? Because I was trash?
Today, I told someone for the first time I was raped. I told my fiancé today and he held me while I cried for an hour and let me know it was okay. And let me know that he would never let anyone hurt me again.
Now I have a daughter and he has a daughter on the way. I pray that one day he will look into his innocent daughters eyes and see what he did to me. I hope that one day he is forced to think about what he did to me when he thinks about protecting his daughter from the same thing.
As for me, I will use everything in me to protect my daughter from ever having that happen to her. I will teach her that ANYTHING that she doesn’t want to happen is not okay. Just because you can’t say no or you can’t fight or kick or scream, doesn’t mean it’s not rape. And it IS NOT okay.
