I often wonder what would have happened if I have never gone to another school on the second semester of my 1st year college. Would I have been part of the dean lister? Would I have enjoyed my course even more? Would I have been in love with the same guy now and be friends with the people that I left on my other school? Would I have not failed a subject and be mentally healthy for the rest of my college life? These questions run through my mind everyday as I spend my days with my new classmates, new surroundings, new friends and new school. Though, I wonder these things, I am very thankful for what I have now, but still, I wonder: what if?
My other school (let’s name it Nartel) was a place where most of my first experiences happened. I moved there when I was in 3rd Grade with a sense of hope that I would enjoy their classes more, because the campus looked like a castle and I would feel like I’m in a Harry Potter movie (you know, a typical imagination of a child). Anyway, in 3rd Grade, I never really thought that I would love singing to be a part of my life. Sure, I was part of a play “Little Mermaid” and I enrolled into a music school when I was 7, but it never really brought any sense to me since all I wanted was to become an astronaut and study more about the universe. There was comfort whenever I think about becoming the first Filipino person to go outside of Earth (but of course I didn’t know that someone had already done that since, I was only 9 years old). And so I pushed music away like it was just something I can turn to whenever I’m bored.
Until one day, my teacher asked the class to participate in front one by one to sing “Lord I Offer My Life To You” as a graded presentation. I was absent on the day she asked us to perform, and I was not really looking forward to it to the point that I did not completely memorized the song. But she still asked for me to sing since it was unfair to my classmates who have already performed. On that time, I knew I have a good voice. I just don’t think my voice is meant for others to love it, because based on my opinion, I don’t necessarily love it. But I did what I had to, and so I sang.
The whole room was silent as I was singing the song, and I can see that they were listening attentively. I actually enjoyed my performance and they applauded after I was done hitting the last note. The teacher asked me to sing the song on stage the next following days with hundreds of people there, and I agreed, and I got more applauses. From that day onward, I felt like the Lord snapped his/her fingers in front of me to make me realize that I actually have something in me. That day, I felt a sense of pride and abandoned science (but not completely) to think more about what I can do with what I have just discovered (or realized).
I started loving music. I joined the glee club and learned to use falsetto as I joined the choir. I experienced competing in a hotel with my choir group even if we did not get any awards. I joined another musical play in which I was only one of the background singers, but I enjoyed it thoroughly because I got to sing and play with make-up at the same time. I remembered coming home late when I was in high school, because I was jamming with my group of friends. My parents bought me a guitar, because they noticed that I was trying to learn our old piano by ear, but then failed completely for the reason that I get so impatient immediately. I had my first long time crush on high school, because the guy can play the guitar so well. I met my best friend and started learning that writing can also be your best friend. We wrote our first novel together and never finished it. We wrote a sequel to one of the television shows that were currently running. And then graduation came, and my best friend, my high school friends, and I sang “Treasure” by Bruno Mars at the top of our lungs as the fireworks display on the sky. I saw my crush one last time, and then it was time for me to leave. I met a new friend on the 1st day of my 1st year in college, and met more friends, and then I fell in love. I never really fell in love, but looked for love. My parents wanted to transfer me to another school. A guy left me, and I got my first heart break, and it hurt so bad. I transferred to another school. I disagreed, because I was not sure of myself and I was scared.
I did not want to say good bye to Nartel; I wasn’t ready. It felt so unfair for the reason that, I did not have enough time to compose myself and to look back at the memories; I was forced to leave immediately or else I cannot graduate on time. I cried every night, because I felt so lonely. I did not realize that I made a wall out of memories to build a home in that school that’s why, I did not want to leave. I was not ready yet, emotionally and physically. I was still aching for the open field and huts and Josa’s Pancit Canton, but I don’t have any choice. I have to move on.
