Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
Rejection is like being stabbed The dysphoria is the
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Of.
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Knife.
Too far in to be pulled out If I’m lucky, it sometimes makes a nice decoration Other times, I am in agonizing pain from the
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Of. The. Knife.
It’s 0 to 100 in an instant But then slowly creeping down to…99.5… 99…. Then somehow, up to 101…
Pain is an alarm system Surely, something major had to set it off, right?
You can’t be left out by a friend group you aren’t apart of Were never apart of Doesn’t even know you exist… But damn, don’t I feel left out
A slight shift in someone’s tone Means a major shift In my emotions Shifting towards a catastrophe Even though, logically I know you’re just Tired from lack of sleep from the night before You…hate me now, don’t you?
I don’t think everything I’ve said needs an explicit response But…what if you didn’t respond because you implicitly hate me? And you talked over me because you can’t stand to hear me speak?
Do I make your blood boil? You don’t have to talk to me out of pity Yes, I know theoretically you could easily block me out of your life But just reminding you, you don’t have to talk to me out of pity
I know cutting out a toxic person is better in the long-run At least, that’s what I’m told Being gaslit by someone hurts But losing someone feels like I am on fire Disfiguring myself Showing everyone What an ugly person I truly am Because I couldn’t just give them. One more chance. Why couldn’t I just give them one more chance. I am the greedy one.
It doesn’t matter if it’s perceived or real Because damnit, it’s real to me And it really fucking hurts.
“Just let it go.” I have. It just won’t let go of me. “Stop being emotional.” My feelings are on a dimmer switch Where the lights cannot ever be fully turned off “Just think about it differently” If by that, you mean go off on some other tangent about how I fucked up? I got that down!
I can’t play guessing games Because my brain will just guess You hate me.
I need to be told Face-to-face Explicitly Word. For. Word. You care about me. You love me. You appreciate me. Because my brain can’t fight the concrete. Or at least, it has a harder time doing so.
I’m convinced people will be mad at me for writing this, ironically But maybe that’s why I needed to write this poem.
Just wanted to reshare this poem of mine that I am very proud of having written!
