fuck it here's my 'doof invites perry to go see harry potter 8 with him' fic written almost 15 years ago on July 14 2011. cw: obviously there are harry potter mentions
Disclaimer: I don’t have half the imagination to even write for Phineas and Ferb, much less own it. (I also don’t own Harry Potter, for that matter.)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
The evil jingle had hardly finished when Perry the Platypus (full-time secret agent, part-time banana trucker, and 100% suave, staggering semi-aquatic mammal) busted down the door with a spectacular flying sidekick.
On the other side to greet him was an annoyed Dr. Doofenshmirtz.
“Perry the Platypus? I thought we were being civilized?” He sighed. “Oh, whatever. I’ll let you go on this one, since you haven’t ruined parts of my building in a while, but next time you’re paying with cold, hard cash! Got it? Good, now we can be friendly.”
Perry gave him a look of incredulity, but followed him inside.
“You see,” said Doofenshmirtz, rummaging through the pockets of his lab coat, “yesterday, I went to the movie theater, and I purchased-” He whipped out a pair of movie tickets. “-these! Guess which movie they’re for?”
Doofenshmirtz grinned broadly. “Why, they’re only for the last Harry Potter movie, of course! Remember when we were both reading the book?”
Perry went into a flashback.
This Doofenshmirtz was also grinning, but with an obvious evilness. Perry was grimacing, both hands over the sides of his head, trying to block out Doofenshmirtz’s voice.
“Oh, guess who else dies? Fred Weasley! HA! I bet you didn’t see that coming, did ya? Yeah, apparently he died in some sort of explosion.” He flipped through the pages. “How nice! Lupin and Tonks are dead, too! They’re lying together next to Fred’s body. Aww, isn’t that sweet. It’s sure nice to see modern literature paying due attention to death and destruction, huh?”
The flashback ended, and Perry glared at Doofenshmirtz.
“Great times, huh? Anyway-”
Doofenshmirtz put on his trademark pitiful and depressed face.
“I bought two tickets, but I have absolutely no one to go with. Vanessa strongly refuses.”
Right on cue, Vanessa strode in, headphones in her ears and with a face that clearly showed that she didn’t care at all.
“I told you a million times, Dad, I like Twilight!” she said scathingly.
“You see?” said Doofenshmirtz sadly. “My own daughter would rather gaze at the night sky than watch the finale of a pop culture phenomenon!”
“Yeah, well, we’re supposed to hate all that wizard stuff,” said Vanessa, rolling her eyes. “I’ll be in my room.”
Doofenshmirtz watched her go and looked back at Perry with an exasperated expression. “Ugh, teenagers.” His expression then changed instantaneously back to the wide grin. Perry’s eyes widened - uh oh, here it comes…
“So, since Vanessa obviously isn’t interested, and I don’t have any dates, fans or not - do you want to see it with me? I won’t tell Major Monobrow if you say ‘yes’…”
Perry stared at him for about ten seconds. Then, he smiled slightly and nodded.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, Perry the Platypus! I’m so glad we can do things like this.”
Perry rolled his eyes again.
“Oh, don’t you be snarky with me. It’ll be fun! Hey, you need a costume, ‘cause all the cool fans wear costumes at the premieres! Who should you dress like? I think you should dress like Harry, because your names rhyme, you know, Harry and Perry. It’s perfect! The only thing is, I don’t actually have any robes or anything, so we’d have to go to the store…although, come to think of it, I’m not even sure if the store has any Harry Potter merchandise…and then there’s Vanessa, she’ll be all alone. Oh well, she’s sixteen, she can take care of herself. VANESSA! Perry the Platypus is going with me to the movie, so you’ll be alone for a while! Okay, glad that’s done. Now, about your costume…”
And Perry could only think about how Phineas and Ferb were never this obsessed over their movies.
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