[mornington-the-crescent]

Not often I see one that's new to me, hopefully new to you as well.

Moishe is putting together a luncheon party for a large number of acquaintances and friends, and so decides to go to a rather posh caterer to order some food. He is met by a smartly-dressed salesperson, who says, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Certainly," says Moishe. "I'm putting together a little party for some friends, and I have a few things that I would like. For starters, we're going to need about five pounds of lox."

The salesperson raises an eyebrow. "Surely you mean, 'smoked salmon', sir?"

Moishe shrugs. "All right, all right. Smoked salmon. We're also going to need about six dozen blintzes."

The salesperson scoffs. "'Blintzes'? You mean 'crepes', I'm sure."

Moishe rolls his eyes. "Okay, have it your way. Crepes. I'm also going to need about two quarts of liverwurst."

"No, no," says the salesman. "You mean, 'pâté'."

"Fine! Pâté! Whatever!" Moishe throws up his hands. "Five pounds of smoked salmon, six dozen crepes, and two quarts of pâté. I need it delivered to this address at around one o'clock on Saturday."

The salesman gives Moishe a deeply offended look. "What, you expect me to schlep on shabbos?!"

[beardedmrbean]

Glad I remembered to check and see if you'd looked in your inbox yet, I should have been prepared for the punchline on yours, but I was not.

[hemipenal-system]

nonhuman species that is actually way more sexually dimorphic than humans, but in ways that humans can't really see, so they sound kind of strange to you when they talk about their dysphoria because it's things about them you didn't even know about

[hemipenal-system]

“hey, girl, how’s it going?”

“ehh. i’m dysphoric and bummed about it.”

“aww, noo, what’s the worst?”

“my stripes are just irritating me. they don’t really look right.”

“your STRIPES???”

“yeah, they’re colors humans can’t see without an infrared camera. they don’t look girlish enough. that sounds dumb doesn’t it?”

“nah, i get it. i’m insecure about my shoulder width. we’ve all got something.”

“mhm, like, my secondary eyes aren’t as big as i wish they were, and hrt doesn’t fix that, yknow?”

“you have a second pair of eyes????”

“why do you think i’m always wearing sunglasses? it freaks humans the hell out. you probably don’t even know i have two hearts and three stomachs, huh? i don’t talk about my anatomy a whole lot and i know humans don’t notice things but we’ve had sex enough times i really would have expected you to ask about the prehensile toes thing”

“YOU HAVE WHAT”

“ok girl come on no human can hold your hand with their feet like that. you had to have known. speaking of, i’m also sort of dysphoric about my dewclaws actually. sorry”

[haveyouseenthisseries-poll]

Have you seen bro'Town (2004-2009)?

Yes

Partially

No, but I've heard of it

Never heard of it

Remaining time: 5 days 1 hour

[cuckoftheday]

You should transition to female right now.

[cuckoftheday]

[dreamcastmod]

me:*fills a water gun with printer ink* me:i dont even need a wii u to have fun

[valkvriesuitremade-blog]

if you bought a 16ml cartridge of ink at $18, and a 2500ml nerf super soaker barrage at $15.99, it would cost about $2,828.49 to fill it with ink once

[wichatime]

[sigmaleph]

i like to imagine how people in the post-material-scarcity future would romanticise the current time period.

having a job gave people a sense of community and purpose lacking in our modern age where nobody is forcing you to get out of bed on threat of starvation. actually the average office worker in the early 21st century was so much wealthier than a UBI-having-modern if you forget to count paying rent and also make some very bad purchasing power conversions. if you look at contemporary records (sitcom where the main characters are only at work when it's plot relevant) it is obvious that employment was never really a major obstacle to having an active social life or pursuing your own passions.

[deadandwalking]

hey kitten. daddy needs to talk to you. your kink blog is great, but you are not highlighting the words correctly. kitten. stop highlighting. this is shit. did you seriously highlight that period. kitten.

[prokopetz]

I can't believe it took me until just now to put together that Ghidorah is called that because "hidora" is what "hydra" works out to when you spell it in katakana.

[prokopetz]

The Guydra.

[byjove]

no piece of teen media has ever accurately depicted the quiet psychological warfare of bullying. bullies on TV are always dumb brutes and not the evil geniuses of emotional manipulation that they are in real life. being given a wedgie and having your lunch money stolen is nothing in comparison to a classmate quietly creating a taboo against speaking to you that they intend to enforce against all the other kids. it’s nothing like continuous cutting comments from people you thought were being nice to you. that way that the work of one kid can make you feel like every person on earth silently hates you and that you are dirty, disgusting, worthless, creepy and useless. that you can have friends but many of them will not speak to you at school for fear of the social consequences on their end. how that damage lasts in any social setting for the rest of your life

[byjove]

you can’t even “tell a trusted adult” because you cannot begin to articulate the thousands of small transgressions you’ve experienced building to the horror of knowing your peers would like you dead. they don’t have to say it or hurt you physically. they have other ways of letting you know they’d prefer if you were worn fuel

[fierycavalier]

[catholickedd]

the worst part is kindness as cruelty - the saying hi, the asking about your day, just talking to you and the joke is that anyone would ever want to talk to you and be interested in your life. it’s sickening and dehumanizing.

[hollywolly3000]

im DD cup but i dont actually get any back pain because my spine is male socialized

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

hearing anything about the nolan odyssey is so funny. it's like "they cut the extremely important and infamous nobody scene" "the cyclops is a giant puppet that they put in an actual historical cave + gave circe animatronics for her pig transformation instead of cgi" "they dumped plastic skeletons in an environmentally protected location they were not supposed to be in" "they recreated ancient greek instruments in order to have an accurate score" "all of odysseus's agency is basically gone" "anne hathaway actually learned how to weave ancient looms" "the women in this movie are treated like shit" "they actually buried actors alive to get those underworld shots" "did you see what the fuck zendaya was fucking wearing holy shit you can't DO THAT, MA'AM" "what do you mean there was a legitimate epic the musical reference" "NOT A SINGLE FUCKING GREEK WAS CAST IN THIS MOVIE"

like did nolan have two guys standing at his side at all times whispering ideas in his ear and one told the truth and the other told lies and they didnt tell him which was which until they wrapped production cause

[coraclavia]

of all Riccardo Estli's compositions, I think his "Katya's Waltz" from the Goncharov score is one of his most beautiful

[theriu]

OH YOU SNEAKY—

[luckycheesefoodie321]

The way I was like “oh that’s a pretty composition what’s the joke?” And didn’t even recognise it

[mint-swirl]

*trying to come up with rules for my new society after successfully leading the revolution* why don’t we just repurpose 5e

[prokopetz]

I know this is due to my particular constellation of interests, but for me the funniest thing about the "everything in a given century happened simultaneously" view of history being applied to the 1900s is bumping into increasing numbers of people who are genuinely unclear on whether Dungeons & Dragons pre-dates or post-dates The Lord of the Rings.

[appendingfic]

tolkien had to call them hobbits to avoid running afoul of Hasbro's trademark of the word 'halfling'

[luarien]

It was TSR's trademark of the word 'halfling', Hasbro didn't get control of D&D until after the end of WW2.

[ilovedthestars]

"how do you feel about labels as a queer person?"

[dizzyghoast]

see it's easy to think less of the locked tomb for how often characters talk like tumblr memelords, especially if that's the only dialogue youre seeing in excerpts, but it would be a mistake to assume that it's a result of poor writing. Rather it was a deliberate choice on the part of the author to make "tumblr memelord" the diegetic dialect of the aristocracy. It's the Nine Houses' equivalent of Received Pronunciation.

[slimetony]

Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits of of mountainsides. They crave that mineral.

[sailor--spoon]

Why is this back on my dash in 2018

[conqueringthenoodle]

Thank god this is back on my dash in 2018