This is a sideblog, and I follow back from my main @grimmusings. Please direct IMs there, since it's easier for me to keep all my messages on one blog. It's also easier to start interactions with me there, where I regularly post open starters and meme prompts. For a full list of rules, see my main. Honesty hour questions will largely be answered IC and treated as anonymous unless signed by a muse.
Leo is a canon character from The Wizard of Oz. His portrayal is primarily pulled from a mix of headcanons, films, books, and original backstory, with some references to Wicked. Please note that Leo is agoraphobic and typically does not leave his bookshop and the apartment above it. Any scenes that take place outside of it will need to be plotted in advance. All details vary based on verse, and I'm happy to write him into crossovers or AUs.
default verses:
storyverse: Any events that take place in Oz after the deaths of Leo's family, where he roams the forest as a lion and forgets most of his human life.
fableverse: When the storybook worlds collapse, Leo and his friends are transported to a contemporary town called Fableton, where they open a bookshop called Emerald City Books. (bio)
ever!after: Characters are reincarnated versions of their fairy tale counterparts, and few know who they truly are. Leo is an ex-Marine who lost half his unit on his last mission and retired in Fableton. (bio)
“She can tell he is visited by fears so immense, so multiple, that she can almost feel the terror pulsing inside him. As though some beast breathes all the time at the windowpanes of his mind.”
For as long as I can remember I just wanted to do what I thought was right.(James)
@jamesmnicholls
It was surreal to have a friend back from the dead. Leo was still reeling from James's reappearance, but with everything they'd been through, he was willing to take the win where they could get it. James was alive. It didn't really matter how. It didn't even matter that he'd lied to them about it. Not really. He'd take a friend who was living and never spoke to him again over a dead one any damn day of the week. Deep down, he knew Will felt the same way, but their Sergeant had always felt things more deeply than the rest of them. He'd tempered some since the accident, but Leo had spent a lot of years wondering whether that heart of his was going to burn him out someday.
"Not to get all philosophical on you, but… the right thing can be situational. Maybe you did what was right for you at the time. Being who you were at the time, with everything you'd just been through, maybe it was the only choice you could have made." He shrugged, a little smile at the corner of his mouth. This was what came of living in a bookstore and refusing to set foot outside. Leo lived more in books than in the world these days. What he was really saying was that he understood, though, and he didn't hold the choice against him. "Sarge'll come around," he added, in case that was what was bothering him. "You know him. He's just gotta work off his feelings about it first. We missed you."
⭒˚⭒ LEO TIMENS ⭒˚⭒ has just turned to a new page in their story. They're a [ 34 ] old cismale (he/him), and you might know them better as THE COWARDLY LION from The Wizard of Oz. They're currently working as a bookseller at Emerald City Books. They look a lot like ⭒˚⭒ PAUL RUDD ⭒˚⭒ and come from a world of [ magic ], but you'll know them best by their constantly tinkering, scared of his shadow, napping in the sun like a cat, it’s dangerous business walking out your front door vibe. ⭒˚⭒
NAME: Leonardo Timens
NICKNAMES: Leo
AGE: 34
OCCUPATION: Owner of Emerald City Bookstore
EDUCATION: N/A
“Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. Being brave means that you are scared, really scared, badly scared, and you do the right thing anyway.”
FAMILY: Melanie Timens (wife, deceased), Claire Timens (daughter, deceased)
HISTORY: The Timens family of shapeshifters went back generations in Oz as tinkerers and builders, and Leo loved to take things apart and put them back together better, his closet stuffed with his own inventions by the time he was a teenager. He grew up to marry his childhood sweetheart and they had a beautiful daughter, but changes were coming to Oz. The oppression of shapeshifters (he did not call himself "Animal") was growing more widespread, and the Timens family spoke out against it, Leo among them. When the Wizard started taking away their voices, their family helped lead the uprising. Every one of them was slaughtered and the massacre erased from history. Leo had no idea how he survived. When he came to, finding the rest of his family dead, he fled into the forest as a lion.
The longer he stayed in that form, the less he remembered about his human life. Stay in it for too long, and he would lose his voice and his ability to turn back on his own. He no longer cared. He roamed the forest, sometimes forgetting he'd ever been human at all, until the day Dorothy showed up. Something about her called to that distant human part of him, perhaps reminding him of his own lost daughter, Claire. Whatever it was, he helped her find her way to the Emerald City, forgetting that the Wizard she was seeking was the cause of all his trouble.
When the darkness took Oz and brought them all to Fableton, he was abruptly returned to his human form, all his memories flooding back at once. Though it would have been simpler to turn back into a lion and find a nice zoo to live in, he couldn't leave Dorothy alone in an unfamiliar place. They opened Emerald City Books so their friends could find them if they'd also ended up in Fableton. However, the fear and grief that plagued him in Oz hadn't left him, and over time, Leo found it more and more difficult to venture out of the shop, until weeks and then months had passed without him going outside.
OOC
VERSE: Fableverse
STORY: The Wizard of Oz
CHARACTER: The Cowardly Lion
FACE CLAIM: Paul Rudd
The last few days had been a rollercoaster and he didn't know where exactly he stood. There was one place he always knew he could go and just be exactly as he was. Leo knew exactly how Nick came and had never judged him for it. He helped keep him functional, as human-presenting as possible for a creature who was only partially human anymore.
Seeing the lion in the sunspot, he sighed softly to himself, what was left of the pieces of his heart aching for the being who had continued to stand with him. Quietly, he stepped into the space and kicked off his shoes, going to lay against soft fur and warm muscle. "Hey, Leo," he greeted softly, turning his face into his mane.
--
Coming to as a human in a busy city when he’d spent... he didn’t even know how long it was as a lion had been a near-constant anxiety attack. Finding the bookstore had been a source of refuge, and finding Nick shortly after that equally so. Being able to help him and keep his friend in working order was the main reason Leo didn't just give up and go find a zoo to live in.
Though he never set foot outside the shop anymore, some days it was still too much for him. Those were the days Nick walked into the apartment above the shop to find a lion napping in a puddle of sunshine. While still there, his emotions were less complicated as a lion. It understood fear, but not the nameless anxiety that was almost always at a low hum in his brain. Fear meant run from it or eat it. If it couldn't do either of those things, then there was nothing there to fear.
It understood sadness though, and Leo was particularly attuned to it in either form, having lived with it for so long. Nick wasn't often sad. He huffed softly, part greeting and part question that he was free to ignore until he had his voice back, and probably then too. Leo talked a lot--never going outside meant he'd had to become his own best company--but he never forced other people to talk back. He shifted minutely, that warm, furry side pressing against him. Lion snuggles were the best snuggles; he knew from experience.
--
He never minded coming in to the lion in the loft. It was a surprise he ever turned human, really, but he was always grateful when he did. Nick understood what it was to just want to disconnect and not live in the world of humanity and emotions. It was easier to sink into that disconnect, ignore what was left of the humanity in him, than it was to keep on trying with people who didn't or couldn't understand.
Sadness wasn't what he would have called whatever had sunk over him, even that was exactly what it was. That quiet huff made the corner of his lips tug slightly as fingers sank into his fur gently. The only times (outside of one recent) that he could recall feeling warm, were when he was curled up against Leo this way. He didn't mind the way Leo talked and talked, it helped fill the space where he just couldn't, but it was always comfortable. Leo never expected him to talk at all if he didn't want to or couldn't find the words.
Nick kicked off his boots to the corner of the room before he curled completely into the space Leo gave him. His fingers slid idly through his mane, soft and gentle, scratching lightly behind his ear. "I made a mistake, Leo," he murmured quietly. "I thought that I could just have fun with someone for a night."
--
He gave a soft, rumbling purr at the scritches, tufted tail flicking back and forth. He wasn’t one to turn down snuggles or petting, and it was oddly easier for both of them when he was an animal. Nick was all about distance and control, both things he respected at all times, but this shape helped him let down some of those physical barriers. Leo was always honored to be let in at all.
He made a soft whine that was equal parts disagreement and dismay. He hadn’t yet determined if this was a conversation that required a human voice. Sometimes talking was easier when no one was answering back, but he sensed this might be something that needed actual advice and encouragement instead of just listening. Nick was ticking wrong somewhere too, and that was going to require human hands before he left.
--
He had never figured out how to easily or readily talk to a person when he was in turmoil. Leo always made it easy for him, giving him this option. It was easier for the words to come out when he wasn't expected to have an immediate response to something someone else had to say, or had to process someone else's opinion on something. He gave a firm stroke to the softness of his ear before scratching again gently as he continued to gather his thoughts.
He heard the disagreement there and sighed softly, pressing his face firmly against his side for a moment. "I met this man, and damnit, Leo, he makes my palms itch," the words were quiet, ruffling the fur of his mane. "But..." He shifted, resting his back along Leo's side and dropping his head back to rest against his warmth. He rubbed at his leg, an ache there to match the wrong tick that his friend heard. "We are definitely not a good thing. Fucking disaster waiting to happen."
--
He settled when he realized this was a conversation that needed listening rather than advice, at least for now. He knew Nick struggled with emotions in particular, feeling them and talking about them. It was better just to let him get it out. He was the best person to say whether or not his friend was heartless though, and the answer was emphatically not. Their friendship was proof enough of that. Leo didn’t see anyone else lining up to deal with his many idiosyncrasies.
He rested his head between his paws, eyes closing in bliss at the ear scritches. They quirked with interest when he said he met someone because that was definitely noteworthy. He wasn’t sure Nick even noticed that most people were living, breathing humans, let alone attractive ones. Then again, attraction had fallen way down the list of priorities for either of them. He flicked him with his tail, both teasing and an invitation to continue. It was a countdown now to how long he could stand the click of wrong machinery before he felt compelled to fix it.
--
There was no part of Nick that believed he was capable of anything entirely human. He didn't believe in his heart, what there might be left of it. He knew that Leo didn't share that opinion, but his friend was biased. There was no one else who had chosen to stand by his side and keep him running. If it had been up to Nick, he'd have made them let him stay in a field and rust.
He felt the ear quirk and sighed softly to himself, knowing he had buried the lead on that particular bit. He had never let himself properly see or want anything or anyone. There had been no reason to, not really, and Will was the highest possible abnormality possible for him. The teasing flick of his tail had him catching it and wrapping it around his hand and wrist gently, playing lightly with the fur on the end. "He's a thief and an asshole. I'm a cop and a bigger asshole."
--
Leo could calmly contemplate his own death or the possibility of staying a lion for the rest of his life, gradually losing the ability to talk and reason and tinker, which he'd once considered an essential part of himself and still did in its way. But he wasn’t capable of being reasonable when it came to leaving his few remaining friends behind. He’d failed to save almost everyone who'd ever mattered to him. He wouldn't lose anyone else.
He made a chuffing sound that passed as laughter in this form. Leave it to Nick to never do relationships and then pick the most star-crossed one he could possibly find. It had a poetic beauty to it, like a story out of a book. He supported anything that made his friend happy, including this, if it did. He curled around him, bumping his head under his hand for more pets. He was there if he needed to talk more or if he just needed quiet.
--
Nick knew that it wasn't easy for Leo, living after all of his people were gone. Every time he heard him speak, saw him tinker, he breathed a little easier. He couldn't admit to it, couldn't put it to words. He tried to show it, instead, in any little way he could bring himself to. He wouldn't add himself to the list of people that Leo had lost.
That soft chuff had him tugging gently at his mane in retaliation. He wasn't sure that Will or anything involving him could make him happy in the long run. None of it was anything he was used to or had ever thought to want. The bump had his hand shifting to continue petting him gently, his nails sliding through fur. "I thought maybe we could at least be... friends," the word sounded choked, unfamiliar on his tongue. "I don't think we can."
--
Nick knew that it wasn't easy for Leo, living after all of his people were gone. Every time he heard him speak, saw him tinker, he breathed a little easier. He couldn't admit to it, couldn't put it to words. He tried to show it, instead, in any little way he could bring himself to. He wouldn't add himself to the list of people that Leo had lost.
That soft chuff had him tugging gently at his mane in retaliation. He wasn't sure that Will or anything involving him could make him happy in the long run. None of it was anything he was used to or had ever thought to want. The bump had his hand shifting to continue petting him gently, his nails sliding through fur. "I thought maybe we could at least be... friends," the word sounded choked, unfamiliar on his tongue. "I don't think we can."
--
He was never bothered by what Nick could or couldn't put into words. His actions spoke clearly for him, and Leo didn't have to doubt that loyalty and care. He told him every day by showing up and sticking around, in all the small and large ways they looked after each other. It wasn't just an unspoken assurance that they'd die for each other, if it ever came to that. It was a daily commitment to staying alive for each other, and that was a lot harder.
He tilted his head, a silent question as to why. Friendship wasn't something Nick often sought out. Theirs had just sort of happened upon them due to circumstance. He didn't imagine it was something he'd easily walk away from either if he'd decided he wanted it, so it had to be a problem on the other side. Nick's brand of stoicism could be acquired taste, but Leo could attest that he was an excellent friend once he'd decided to keep someone.
--
His connection with Leo was far easier than he had ever expected to have with anyone. There was no expectation there, no necessity for him to speak more than he felt was really necessary. He wouldn't choose to leave him, not after he had lost everyone in his world already once. Every day, he woke up and kept going, doing what he needed to make sure that Leo did too.
He swallowed lightly at the silent question, his chest tightening lightly. "It wasn't my first intention," he admitted, knowing that he certainly hadn't looked at Will and thought of being his friend first. "We had a very disastrous first extended encounter, and tried to salvage it with a second." None of it made any sense to him.
--
Nick was probably the only person who understood how valuable that kind of friendship was. The easy acceptance, the zero expectation. Leo was a shadow of the person he used to be. There wasn’t enough left to be much of anything for anyone, and some days he had nothing at all to give. Nick didn't judge him or expect better from him. He just let him be.
It sounded to him like it couldn't be that disastrous if they were both still trying, but that was a very human thing to try to express as a lion. He settled for a soft, rumbling purr of reassurance instead. Even if it wasn’t the kind of thing that would be okay, he was here for him. Leo considered it progress that he’d even tried to make a connection with someone.
--
Nick understood entirely what it was to barely have anything left of himself. It was one of the reasons he couldn't bring himself to leave Leo's side. There wasn't another creature alive he felt could truly understand that part of him, and he wasn't inclined to letting go. They could simply be, exactly as they were, with no expectations otherwise.
That soft, rumbling purr brought him some comfort, encouraged him to sink just a little bit closer to his friend. He had never intended to connect with anyone, had been content with living his life without any genuine connection to anyone else. There had never been a need, or even a desire, for anyone else in his life, after all. He scratched gently behind his ear again and let himself just relax against him.
--
Leo was content to let the comfortable silence stand for a while. He found it comforting to coexist like this, lion and man both relaxing and enjoying the quiet company without any pressure. Eventually, when the pool of sunlight had gradually grown smaller, he couldn’t stand the off-cadence ticking any longer. He could never stand to leave something broken, least of all something that had to be causing Nick some discomfort.
He stood and stretched, giving a mighty yawn, and head-butted him gently him toward the door. It was prompting to get out unless he wanted to see a very naked human Leo in a minute. He didn’t have any problem with it either way. Most shapeshifters he knew had known were casual about nudity. It came with the territory, but a warning was polite either way.
--
Nick was never one to push for conversation or sound at all. It was a comfort to know that he could lay in silence with another being and it wasn't considered rude, or harsh. Laying curled into Leo's side, he gave absent rubs to his thigh, trying to ignore the ache of it. Oftentimes, it was easy to ignore his own discomfort.
When he stood, Nick stood up and stretched, the soft head-butt making him huff lightly. "Alright, alright. I'll see you in a few minutes," he murmured as he walked out of the room. A naked Leo wasn't something he was in the mood to see. It wasn't that he hadn't, he couldn't spend so much time with the shapeshifter and not have.
--
Despite having been one all his life, Leo was the last person to explain the mechanics of shapeshifting, like where all that fur and extra mass went when he changed back. It was an impossibility according to the physics of this world, but here he was. Spending the day as a cat posed no risk to him. It was only if he stayed that way for months or years that he'd start to lose speech and his other human qualities. Too long, and he might not be able to come back under his own power. It didn't always seem like the worst fate, but he wouldn't do that to Nick.
He tugged his clothes back on and wandered back out to meet him, tipping his head toward the workshop. "Let's get you fixed up." Even if he never did anything with his inventions, he couldn't help making them. His mind would eat itself alive without something to tinker over. The room was cluttered with work tables and tools and bits of things, all the finished ones taped neatly in labeled boxes on shelves along one wall.
--
He didn't give much thought to the mechanics of shapeshifting. It simply was the way it was and a part of who his friend was. This world was nothing like what they came from, and he couldn't expect this world to understand anything from theirs. He would be sad if his friend chose to sank into his feline side, but he would understand it. They both had known too much loss to be expected to stay human, or easily so.
When he walked back out, he knew better than to protest Leo's need to fix the wrong tick. He was used to them, ignored them for as long as he could feasibly manage, which wasn't healthy. Following him to the workshop, he sighed softly and went to settle in the chair that made it easy, rolling up the leg on his shorts to give him access to the panel he needed.
--
Leo knew that Nick knew that he shouldn't ignore those things, and he really wasn't the lecturing type. Who was he to tell someone to take better care of themselves? He had an anxiety attack if he got too close to the door. It made him sad, though, that Nick discounted his own pain. It was almost like he thought he deserved to suffer.
"You don't have to hurt, you know," he said gently. There was no synthetic skin covering the leg panel, which never failed to set Leo's temper simmering. They hadn’t bothered to cover anything that could be hidden by clothing, like Nick wasn't even a person who might care about such things.
It was quick work to adjust the gears and get the metal clockwork turning smoothly again. It wasn’t the most efficient machinery, by far, and Leo was constantly working on upgrades. "How does that feel?" He pulled his hands out but didn't move to replace the plate just yet, giving him a chance to shift and test it first.
--
Leo had no way of knowing just how close his thoughts were to the truth of it. It wasn't often (or at all) that Nick chose to discuss any of his replaced parts. They only usually served to remind him how far from human he had gotten in so many ways. The soft words made him sigh, and he didn't know if Leo could understand. He'd never know if he didn't try to explain.
His eyes lingered on the leg panel, metal surrounded by skin, rivets and plates instead of muscle and skin. "If it hurts... I can remember there's still parts of me that are human." The words were quiet, barely loud enough for even Leo to hear. They were a dark truth for him. There were whole parts of him that weren't human anymore, however cleverly hidden by synthetic skin some of them might be.
He watched him working, unable to look away from the mess of the clockwork, a far cry from the technology they were surrounded with here. Once Leo's hands were out, he shifted his leg, curling and stretching it, standing for a moment. "Better," he admitted before sitting back down, "Thank you."
--
"You're all human, Nick," he assured him gently. "What are bodies if not a collection of moving parts and obscure processes? Maybe a little more finessed than these, but that's just shoddy workmanship for you." It irritated him to no end that, for as remarkable as Nick's inner workings were, they could have been better with just a little more care and attention.
He was rapidly becoming an expert on this world's technology, so much more streamlined and efficient than what was here. He’d love to be able to give him a better overhaul someday, but for as outdated as the clockwork seemed by comparison, it worked in ways that wires and circuits didn't quite manage.
He nodded, fixing the plate back into place and laying down his tools. "That does answer some questions about what I've been working on though." He smiled, tipping his head toward one of the back tables for him to join him as he unwrapped one of his projects. It was a kind of synthetic skin, much like what Nick had already, only he'd tried to make it softer, more like the real thing, but still durable. "If you like it, we can cover some of the exposed machinery. If not, it'll have other applications." If it didn't bother him, it didn’t bother Leo. He just wanted him to have options.
--
It wasn't an easy way for him to think of himself. He couldn't completely remember the time before he had started losing pieces of himself to a cruel world that demanded control. Even what Leo called shoddy workmanship was beyond anything Nick could understand, let alone fix. He didn't want to think what would have become of him without his help, really.
"They were punishments as much as they were 'upgrades', Leo," he said softly. They were never meant to be beautiful, not on the ones like him. They allowed a higher level of control, and he had never liked having his control taken away, which hilariously had only led to him losing more and more. Worst sort of catch 22, that.
Sitting still while his plate was replaced, he couldn't help but give him a slightly curious look. Following him back to the table, his eyes drifted over the covered pieces. The sight of the synthetic skin made him blink slightly and instinctively look down at the uncovered plate. Reaching over, he brushed a careful finger over it before yanking his hand back and looking at him in surprise. "It's soft," the words were filled with quiet wonder. "We could cover them?"
--
"I know. You didn't deserve that." His expression softened, a mixture of empathy and sadness. Nick didn't deserve what had been done to him. Nobody deserved to watch pieces of themselves be cut away and replaced, all for the sake of creating better soldiers. This world was alarming and busy and loud, and it had fresh horrors every day on the news (which he never watched anymore for his own sanity). But it lacked some of the very specific cruelties of their world, and that was a point in its favor. There was far more freedom here for both of them.
"It matches temperature pretty well too." He nodded. It couldn't be too insular or he'd overheat, but if it didn't trap enough, it would feel less like real skin. People weren't naturally cool to the touch. "If you want to. There will be seams, since we have to be able to get in to the machinery, but it's a start." He had to know more about how it reacted to Nick's real skin before he could work on something to make the seams less obvious, but it was on his list of things to work out and improve.
--
There were times that he wasn't so sure he didn't deserve every bit of it and more. Maybe not in the instances that each and every piece was carved out, but the end result of it all. All too clearly, he remembered the first surgery, even if nothing before it was clear anymore. The terror of it had never really gone away, and he remembered how long it had taken him to allow Leo to help him. Somehow, it was easier here, letting him do it all. There was a comfort in knowing he wouldn't have more pieces taken away from him against his will, and Leo was far more gentle than anyone else had ever been.
His throat tightened lightly at the care and consideration and he had to choke down the protest that he wasn't worth the effort. He knew that wasn't anything Leo would stand to listen to. "That's alright. Most people won't be close enough to notice," he pointed out with a quiet sigh. He knew how much work had already gone into it for Leo to be showing it to him at all.
--
Leo would never purposely hurt him. He couldn’t even bring himself to destroy his creations when he planned to do nothing with them, hence the rows of boxes. He could certainly never do to a living thing what the people of Oz had done to Nick. He valued that trust in him and tried always to be worthy of it, always with the full realization that those gears and cogs were connected to flesh and bone.
"Not even your new friend?" He raised an eyebrow, the shadow of a smile on his lips. He wouldn’t be Leo if he didn’t tease at least a little, but he usually knew where the lines were and kept well to one side of them. "This one is sized for your leg panel, if you want to give it a try. See how it feels, and then if you like it, I can have some more ready in a week or so. If not, I'll keep working on it." He'd do that anyway because he already knew it could be improved, but it only really mattered how it worked in practice, and that was something only Nick could tell him.
--
The knowledge that Leo didn't have a single part of him that would allow him to do what had been done to Nick had been why he'd let him help to begin with. There were some people that were just so purely good that it was impossible to think of them otherwise. Leo was one of those in Nick's world. He did as much to keep the cogs and gears from defining him as he did to keep them running sometimes.
The teasing comment made the corner of his lips twitch and he shrugged his shoulder. "I would let him be," he admitted, because that much was true. However, it also wasn't something he anticipated happening, and especially not without him knowing that he literally wasn't completely human anymore. He took a moment to give it serious consideration before nodding carefully once. "Alright, let's try it."
--
Leo would have argued the definition. He wasn’t a good person. He’d failed everyone who ever counted on him, and he'd probably fail Nick someday too. They were both broken bits of people held together with tape and stubbornness by the time Oz got through with them. He didn’t know if there was value in hanging on long after it would have made more sense to just give up, but here they were. He might fail him eventually, but it wasn’t going to be today.
His smile widened slightly, less teasing and more happy for him. That was progress for Nick, even if it never went past this, and he was proud of him for trying. "Gonna see him again?" The question was casual, no expectation hinged on it, and Leo wouldn't have argued with either answer. He wasn’t in the business of pushing people into things, even if he’d thought Nick would stand to be pushed.
He nodded, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze of encouragement. He babbled an explanation that probably only made about 20% sense to Nick as he worked. It was partly pure enthusiasm over the project, but it was partly a need to always let him know exactly what he was doing with his body. It wasn’t a small thing, to trust another person with that. Knowing what was happening and how it worked was a kind of agency.
--
He knew that Leo wouldn't agree with him, that he couldn't see himself the way that Nick did. They were both barely held together, and there were days he wondered why they bothered to keep going. He was sure that one day, he'd fail him, far more than he already had.
Shaking his head slowly, he hated to see him look anything like happy for him in this. He didn't think it was anything for anyone to hope for, him having something like that. "I don't know," he admitted quietly. It didn't matter that he wanted to. It wasn't a smart idea for him to, he didn't think, for various reasons. The top of the list was that he didn't think it was what Will actually wanted.
His usual stoic silence reigned while Leo babbled as he worked. He appreciated the effort at making sure that he knew exactly what was going on, it didn't work half so well if he didn't, honestly. Even though he couldn't follow all of the science, he nodded along and committed it all to memory. He spent quite a lot of time teaching himself, going to basics to understand the things Leo said.
--
He just nodded, deciding not to pry. The one-sided conversation earlier had been telling enough. Nick was confused, and there was nothing Leo could ask or say that would lessen that confusion. Some things just had to be worked out on their own. He was the last person to give advice on relationships, especially when he didn't even know the other person. But he was there if he needed to talk, and he knew Nick understood that.
He did his best to explain things in normal human words first. The rest was pure pleasure in the subject matter. The science here was so different from what they had at home. There was always so much to learn, and blending some of their world with some of this one to create something new sparked that intellectual curiosity better than anything. "Let me know what you don't like about it," he said when he finished, straightening. "I can always keep working on it."
Even on some of their more demanding missions, he’d rarely seen Nick look so wrung out. If anything, it brought back to mind those first weeks and months when they’d lost people and everyone left was still in and out of the hospital. He hated to think this conversation was as emotionally taxing for him as all of that, but for someone who never let himself feel much, maybe it always just hit like a freight train.
The look was a signal if he’d ever gotten one, and he gave him a wry smile in return. He drained his glass and left the bottle, reaching out to give his shoulder a soft squeeze as he went by. “You know where to find me.” He didn’t expect him to need someone to talk to, not after all this talking, but the offer was always there. Unlike Leo, Nick had always processed better alone.
.
When they had first gotten home from that last mission, when the world was grief and anger, no one had ever seen him at his worst. He had buried himself in the dark of his room, had only come out when he didn’t feel entirely raw. He hadn’t been entirely put together at any point of it, but they’d seen him at something less than perfect a lot then. He hadn’t faced anything this emotionally taxing in years. It was little wonder that he looked wrung out.
As Leo got up to leave him, he gave him a single nod of acceptance, even as they both knew he wasn’t going to go looking for him. He sipped on his glass until the entire apartment was silent around him. Setting the empty glass down, he grabbed the bottle and went to his room, closing the door and bracing for a whole different kind of fight: himself.
A very small part of him–the meddling part–couldn’t help thinking now was the best time for Nick and Will to have a conversation. There were more emotions welling up on the surface in one night than he’d seen out of Nick in the whole of the ten years he’d known him. Out of all of them, he was pretty sure Will was the only one who’d have the slightest idea what to do about it. That level of honesty between them could only be good. But the adult part of him, the part that recognized that they were already on thin ice, knew better than to try it.
“Talk to me, Cap.” It was less a request than a gentle reminder that he was here if he needed to get something off his chest. Sharing wasn’t Nick’s style, true, but they were well off the beaten path tonight. He couldn’t claim to be any good at romance, but he did know the two of them pretty well. Probably none of them understood how much of the guilt Nick still carried about that day. Leo occasionally caught flashes of it, but he knew none of them harbored any blame. He also didn’t think there was anything he could do to send Will running–except ask, of course.
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Nick had never done well trying to rein anything back in once it had been set loose, whether it was emotional turmoil or anger didn’t matter. He knew he was going to have to be entirely honest with Will in a way that he never had been, had never been able to let himself be, in a way he never would have been unless Will himself had pushed. Silence was easy when it never felt like the truth was actually wanted.
Already, he’d given Leo more in a very short span than he had allowed anyone to see for years. It was exhausted and his head was pounding right behind his eyes. Sipping on his whisky, he just shot him a droll look and tried to figure out what he had left to damn himself with. All of his weakness and softness had been laid bare, and not for the person it belonged to.
Even on some of their more demanding missions, he'd rarely seen Nick look so wrung out. If anything, it brought back to mind those first weeks and months when they'd lost people and everyone left was still in and out of the hospital. He hated to think this conversation was as emotionally taxing for him as all of that, but for someone who never let himself feel much, maybe it always just hit like a freight train.
The look was a signal if he'd ever gotten one, and he gave him a wry smile in return. He drained his glass and left the bottle, reaching out to give his shoulder a soft squeeze as he went by. "You know where to find me." He didn't expect him to need someone to talk to, not after all this talking, but the offer was always there. Unlike Leo, Nick had always processed better alone.
Nick couldn’t recall a time in his life where he was so off kilter or… overflowing. Normally, he would have walked away to go hide and lick his wounds in peace. Much like Leo, he wasn’t sure that being alone was his best option just yet. Draining his glass, he reached for the bottle to refill, knowing it was going to be a while before he even remotely began to feel it.
For a man who had always felt like something from the cold and dark, someone like Will felt impossible to be allowed to touch and keep close. Often, he felt like Will was the sun and he was the moon, always in orbit, always cold, but lit by that brilliant light. Even now, he couldn’t help but want that warmth close. There was a reason he was always willing to let Will in during the quietest hours of his time with no protest.
Slowly, he shook his head, twirling his glass under his hand and watching the light play on it instead of looking at Leo. Everything he touched got broken, shattered, became unrecognizable. He was faced with it every morning, every day with his family and the bad call that had brought them home. He didn’t want to take the one step that would permanently remove Will from the spot he’d kept in his life for so long. He didn’t know how to function.
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A very small part of him--the meddling part--couldn't help thinking now was the best time for Nick and Will to have a conversation. There were more emotions welling up on the surface in one night than he'd seen out of Nick in the whole of the ten years he'd known him. Out of all of them, he was pretty sure Will was the only one who'd have the slightest idea what to do about it. That level of honesty between them could only be good. But the adult part of him, the part that recognized that they were already on thin ice, knew better than to try it.
"Talk to me, Cap." It was less a request than a gentle reminder that he was here if he needed to get something off his chest. Sharing wasn't Nick's style, true, but they were well off the beaten path tonight. He couldn't claim to be any good at romance, but he did know the two of them pretty well. Probably none of them understood how much of the guilt Nick still carried about that day. Leo occasionally caught flashes of it, but he knew none of them harbored any blame. He also didn't think there was anything he could do to send Will running--except ask, of course.
Dorothy was a god damn force of nature when she set her mind to it, when something got to her enough to make her demanding over it. She was so much, in that way that most people were. She was so painfully alive, living despite her history and all the things that she could have let wear her down. He didn’t know how to process her more than half the time, so he was grateful for Fiyero. Times like this, though… he wished they weren’t thick as thieves.
He was glad when Leo didn’t keep talking for a moment, because he thought one more word right then might make him snap. Leo was usually good at reading the room and picking up on what people could and couldn’t handle at that moment. He wasn’t going to be up to handling their family en masse for a few days, that much he knew. It was rare for him to completely pull away, but this had tipped him to it.
Picking up his glass, he emptied half of it and enjoyed the burn of it for the sheer temporary distraction of it. “It’s impossible not to want him,” he muttered into his glass. In for a penny, Leo had started this and it was like the dam had been ripped apart. He didn’t know if happiness was a thing he could do well, and he had serious doubts as to how happy he could make anyone else, especially Will. “Doesn’t mean it will be with each other,” he pointed out with a sigh.
Originally posted by itsthwippingtime
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Leo didn't pretend to understand Dorothy as well as Fiyero did, but he knew her well enough. She hadn't been with them as long, but she was loyal when she loved someone, and she didn't take kindly to people outside the family. It was a thing she needed to work on if she ever hoped to fit in with regular people, but it was hard to demonstrate when all of them were lacking in basic social skills these days.
He did understand Nick though, as a Captain and as a friend, and he knew when he needed some time to process. He'd have given him privacy for that, except he wasn't sure leaving him alone was the best thing right now. He had started this conversation, but even with everything he knew about Nick, he wasn't expecting him to continue it. The words suggested a depth to those feelings even Leo had never imagined, and not for the first time, he wished it was Will who was hearing them.
He'd never been attracted to him, but in a way, he understood. Will had burned so brightly when he first came to them. Leo had constantly worried he'd set himself and everything around him on fire with it. It was more subdued now, but the light and the warmth were still there. "Best odds though, don't you think? The way you two understand each other. It doesn't even take words." Romantic or not, the bond between them was already unshakeable. Captain and Sergeant, right hand man, best friend. It was the stuff of stories.
There was nothing about any of this conversation that he approved of or wanted to deal with. But then, none of them had exactly given him a choice, and the very idea of Will being similarly cornered only added to the anger. It was going to roil in his chest for a while, but at least it would be tucked behind a stony mask.
The teasing only made his face go harder, his blue eyes glinting like ice. “Leo,” his voice was hard and stern, worse than anything he’d let out in a very long time, “None of you have dealt with this particular level of mad.” It took a lot to raise him to any great deal of emotion, especially anger. Nick was normally as level as they came, but this was a few too many levels of personal breached. A part of him wanted to lock Dorothy in her room with the windows barred just to keep her from meddling again, and that was something he would never do to her. An equal part of him felt like punching something. None of it was good. So he put it all away into boxes to be ignored.
Eyeing the whiskey he would normally decline, he pushed up to follow him to the kitchen. He knew that sleep wasn’t going to be a thing if he stayed sober, not with his head and heart aching the way they were. He had no idea where to go from here, and for the man who planned for everything, it felt like climbing a mountain with no water.
Originally posted by chrispyevcns
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Leo had certainly never meant for this to turn into an ambush, with the two of them facing attacks from all sides. Left to his own devices, he probably would have been content to let it lie the way they had for the past ten years or so. But Dorothy had a way of making things happen around her. It was one of the reasons he enjoyed her company so much. She was much more alive than most of them, except maybe Fiyero, which was probably why the two of them were thick as thieves. The look on her face had said plainly that they could deal with this or she would, and she wouldn't be as careful about it.
He barely managed not to flinch at that look. There was a time it would have sent him scurrying for cover, back when he was the Captain. He'd only ever seen it a handful of times. It meant they'd well and truly fucked up. Sorry wasn't going to make a dent in that, so he just nodded. He'd have to talk to Fiyero and try to keep Dorothy out of Nick's way for a few days until he had a chance to cool down. Leo knew he'd never do anything to hurt her, but Dorothy had a particular talent for pushing buttons, and he didn't want to see what happened if that anger was pushed.
He poured their drinks in silence and left the bottle in easy reach, taking a thoughtful sip. "I know you didn't choose any of this. Or want it, apparently. But I hope you can find a way to be happy, Nick. You and Will, you both deserve that." It was what all their meddling really came down to, wanting their friends to be happy. Leo wasn't living in a fairy tale. He knew firsthand things didn't always turn out the way they wanted. This didn't mean happy endings for anyone. It was just a possibility.
There was always going to be blame to go around. Almost all of them swam in it daily. He knew Nick carried a lot on his shoulders, but this conversation was giving him more insight into just how much. If nothing else, he had a glimmer of understanding of just how much happier each of them could be if they managed to stop hating themselves for more than five seconds at a time.
To be perfectly honest, he’d expected anger well before this point in the conversation, so it wasn’t so surprising now. “I know. I could only stop one of them. I thought you’d both prefer Fiyero.” He winced in sympathy and regret. He really didn’t feel good about letting Will get blindsided with all of this, but he’d had his hands full with Dorothy. Even that was probably temporary. She’d forced the issue into the light, and all they could do now was make the best of it.
Originally posted by sengxm
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A heavy sigh escaped him, his hands resting on his hips as he dropped his head and took a deep breath. It really wasn’t fair for Leo to have to bear the brunt of his annoyance in all of this. So he did what he did and internalized it all, steeling the walls around himself to keep everything where it was safest and least liable to do damage to anyone else.
“Fiyero is the easier option,” he admitted, still hating that it was a thing at all. Now he had to turn his mind toward the conversation that was likely impending with Will because neither of them were the kind to just let something lie when it was dragged into the open.
If it was hard to watch Nick in turmoil, it was equally hard to watch him lock all of it away. He'd always internalized to a frankly terrifying degree, and Leo normally wouldn't have said anything about it. He was no poster child for healthy coping mechanisms, and how Nick dealt with his feelings certainly wasn't his business. But nothing they'd discussed tonight was, and they were already down the rabbit hole.
"You know it's alright to be mad at me. At all of us. You're pretty scary when you're mad, but I think we can take it." His smile was gentle to go with the teasing. They were meddling in his business, no way around that, and they were meddling in Will's, which he guessed was probably worse for Nick. It deserved some anger. If Fiyero's conversation with Will was going anything like this one, he was betting Will was just about getting around to being angry. His temper was slow these days, but he still didn't have any trouble letting you know when you'd pissed him off.
He pulled out the bottle of whiskey he stashed in the bottom drawer for no other reason than that he liked to have it there. It wasn't locked, but he wasn't worried about Dorothy getting into it. She was nosy as all get out, and a lock only would have made her more curious. She'd asked to try it once and gagged at the taste, and as far as Leo was concerned, that settled that. "Come on. Nobody should have that look on their face and have to stay sober." He stood and headed to the kitchen for a couple glasses.
