just existing

not trying to bother anyone

[user-boxer]

This user has a triggering blog

[justagirlbeingsilly]

I feel so at peace rn. I just stocked up on my favorite sugarfree gum, bought some coke zero and babyfood. Its underrated fr it taste so good and have little cals. My family hasn't said anything so I'm kinda happy in my own buble rn. Gonna do some meditation, and weight myself in 20 but I will only workout at like midnight or later because I'm at my grandma's and will be sleeping here.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

Just finished reading wintergirls yesterday night, it was a HUGE trigger and made me cry. Its been a while since ive been able to cry so i guess thats a good thing, wow I still have emotions.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

Do you or do you not feel bonita?

I feel bonita, I'm fasting for ramadan so I ate iftar with my family, threw it up, took some vitamins and supplements, made myself an apple vinegar shot and drank it as well as chia seed water.

This is also a reminder to take care of your body with supplements to make up for what you're not eating, almost all of the benefits but without the cals<3

(I'm 1week clean of sh hdhfjxnxkx)

Muuuah people love ya 💋💌

[justagirlbeingsilly]

I haven't cut in months except some little random cuts

I still burn, starve, scratch,bruise and hurt myself but no cuts

It pains me so much everyday I have to plant my nails into my palms to not take a fucking knife and slice my body with it.

I feel so shitty and miserable right now I want to rip all my organs out

I'm sick of being sick and of pretending I'm not.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

Sitting here freezing in the cold cuz twelve year old me read somewhere that shivering burns calories. (I seriously hate myself)

[justagirlbeingsilly]

My respect for the "clean girl" & "it girl" youtubers is now unmeasurable. How the fk can they drink the ginger detox shot without flinching bro I feel like I'm gonna pass out it's so disgusting the taste is abominable I followed a recipe and tried it but my tongue is still burning. I heard about all of it benefits and that it could possibly make you skinnier but god when I tasted that I completely erased from my mind the 'beauty is pain' quote cuz there isnt ANYONE that could make me drink that exact recipe again

[justagirlbeingsilly]

I want to dieeee. My birthday is soon and i want to loose weight as fast as possible but my fatass binged on mini Toblerone chocolates i want to throw them up but I cant its Killing me. I cant believe it. 2023 just started and im already falling behind.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

I'm so fucking mad right now. We dont have a scale at home so I usually track my progress using a measure tape, but now it's been 4 days and I cant find it. I'm stressing out cuz I cant fucking live without it.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

I purchased an outfit for the event that I mentioned last time but I'll buy my first pair of heels pretty soon. (I'm not thaat young guys it just never been my thing) I'm worried I will fall and make a foul out of myself. If i ever do please kill me.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

TW: SH RANT/ MENTION OF SELF HARM

Idk why but nobody ever talks about how intrusive thoughts can cause a big relapse. I had been clean for four months until I was walking with my friend, they were complaining again and again about things I dont give a shit about and it was driving me crazy I zoned out they noticed I wasnt paying attention so they got upset at me and left me. As I was heading back home I was angry at myself so when I saw a screw I couldnt stop myself and cut my ankle with it. Just ONE cut so it would look like an incident in front of my family. I had completely stopped cutting, bruising and burning myself for four whole months. I was so disappointed in myself, so that night before I knew it I was already searching for a blade cause i wasnt even clean anymore, was i? What would be the point of throwing 4 months of efforts out of the window if I didnt at least make the most out of it? I won't call a small cut a relapse. If I have to set the counter to zero again it should at least be worth it.

That was two weeks ago and I cant get myself out of this addictive loop. I really am fucked up after all.

[moondusttown]

i only hate bleeding my guts out every month

[justagirlbeingsilly]

want some real th1n$p0? Take a look at Japanese/ Korean online shopping websites. That shit really maked me sob and cry on the bathroom floor more than once.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

TW: VENT / SH

I say I'm clean, but I 'unintentionaly' cut myself while shaving.

I say I'm clean, but I keep scratching my not completely healed cuts until they reopen.

I say I'm clean, but I make myself fall in the stairs.

I say I'm clean, but I keep playing with my fingers till they are sore/ till they bleed.

I say I'm clean, but I still pull the blade out to stop my mind from racing.

Dont believe everything that I say.

[justagirlbeingsilly]

Having both your parents being doctors is a mixed bag

On one side you have the really big amount of pills almost everywhere (that i can also mix to make myself dizzy and people will take care of me because i am such a hoe for being treated right)

On the other side you have some really tempting chirurgical blades (that i beg every night that no one notices that they are missing cause i also dont want anyone to know how bad i am doing)

[dominicsempty]

Fuck figuring out math equations, yall ever try figuring out if your gonna eat today??

[mentally-exhausteddd-deactivate]

Its hard to live when you've fixated on killing yourself.