Online Dating
Dating is rarely easy. For many, dating begins during their teenage years. I did not start dating until I was 18 years-old. I had the occasional “girlfriend” in middle school which really just entailed the social aspect of telling people we were together… But there was no true emotional connection. Or was that just me? Perhaps even at a young age I felt like I needed a “beard”, as the gay community calls women who are with obviously gay men.
During the early 2000‘s, online dating was just picking up speed. Gay.com which is basically the next level of a chat room, became the go-to destination for single gay men for dating… and more. I was a naive 18-year-old you knew that I had the body, and the looks to get me some attention, especially online. Behind the protection of my computer monitor, I was brazenly forward with my flirtatious advances on random strangers. Their faces looked decent in their pictures, so why wouldn’t they be just as desirable in person. I never thought that anyone would post misleading information or photos. Again, naive.
Admittedly I put myself in many circumstances which if I knew my own child was doing would definitely cause my heart to stress! From talking to strangers, to meeting them, to sleeping with them, I have to believe that God and my guardian angel were protecting me! When we’re young and dumb, many seemingly questionable situations don’t seem as concerning. Perhaps this is an evolutionary feature? Are we built to be more adventurous in our youth so that we can go out and explore, seek a life of our own, and meet our mate? Or is it as I’ve heard tell before: we’re just young, dumb and full of cum?
After my first boyfriend and losing my virginity to him, I became a bit of an online addict. After that I met my first true relationship which lasted 4 ½ years. Throughout that time, I was not faithful. And sad as I am to say it, I would go on the Internet to meet guys online to hook up with. Many of the local gay guys could be found on Craigslist, mostly at work – which is a gay Mecca.
Next I fell in love with The One. We didn’t meet online. I didn’t first see his likeness as a profile photo. I didn’t know him by his screen name. I knew him by his face and through our first interaction, in person. And that has been the strongest relationship I’ve had since. The fact that we had met in person helped us to solidify our relationship together. We already knew that we had compatible personalities. We meshed well in our conversations and interactions.
After 6 ½ years, I was thrown back into the dating scene. The world had evolved. There had been no such thing as dating/hook up phone apps at your fingertips. Dating had been made easy as one, two, swipe right. I couldn’t keep my date book free! Every week was a new meeting at a new restaurant. I had so many leftovers for lunch throughout the next months. Just as with as much zeal I grant to school and work, I gave to my dating social life. It didn’t stop with one dating app, two, three, four… nine. And that was in addition to the eleven general social media apps that I maintained as a side gig. With 20 apps and growing, my life was hectic! Hell even. And it was all self-inflicted! But I had such a drive to not be single, I forced myself to attend all of these dates. True, I gained more friends in that one year than I had made during the previous two decades!
Then I met the next “the one”, and then another. But neither of them turned out to be truly the one. Perhaps it was a little bit of me still being in love with the love of my life, or I have an uncanny knack for dating men who are emotionally unavailable. For every 10 potential candidates, I found one meaningful connection. One of the biggest problems that was truly self-contributing on my part regarding online dating, was that without the initial in-person interactions, I wasn’t able to judge everyone I was going to meet against a set of pre-determined qualifications. Of course I had my mental checklist that I made sure they checked off before even agreeing to meeting. And now there are some things that one must take into consideration. But you just never know who you’re going to fall in love with! A recent viewing of Golden Girls featured the storyline circling around Blanche’s father planning to be remarried to a younger woman. Blanche was very against they’re doing so, but by the end of the episode she reluctantly gave her blessing because Rose reminded her that we can’t predict who we will fall in love with. I am a true testament to that! In 2009 when I met the love of my life; in Sex and the City, Kerry Bradshaw gives John the name “Big.” Is he my “Big“? It was the Sex and the City series that inspired me to begin this blog. My roommate and I began watching the episodes in 2017, and I was instantly able to relate to the characters and stories with occurrences in my own life.
So when I met Big, I didn’t have any predetermined qualifications. I was currently involved in my first long-term relationship, admittedly unhappily, and I was instantly attracted. After Big, my search for a significant other was basically utilizing him as a measuring stick for everyone who came after! Whether it was height, languages spoken, demeanor, even down to his birth sign. Although I do feel that I truly do get along best with men born in August- Virgos. Perhaps there something to astrology… Or perhaps coincidence?
Big was the only relationship that I have ever met in person. Is it coincidence that it was the strongest? Should a warning label be placed on online dating? Lots of dating services claim that they have been able to match people who wouldn’t have otherwise found each other, and that’s probably true. When I tell my story, many people tell me that I’m an old soul. To me I always associated that with tradition and old-fashioned values. Although I’m not quite that old-fashioned, I do believe I have many traditional values. In my heyday, I think I would have probably made your Grandma blush, but let me tell you they’re not as innocent as we think. And I can say that after having a few conversations with my own Grandma after Grandpa‘s passing. So what is involved with this old-school ideals of dating? I read an article that stated that old souls aren’t satisfied with what online dating provides. Perhaps that’s right. So while I may not be ready to date immediately, where do I go? I don’t think going to the bars is the right idea. And the clubs aren’t necessarily the right scene either to find who I think I’m looking for. But again, I wasn’t looking for Big. And I met him at work; even though we had many connections, there were many things that didn’t click, and eventually caused us to break apart.
I’ve thought about attending gay church events, and utilizing those as social outlets. I’m really good at giving advice to others! I constantly remind my leader, who is also my friend, that the only way to find someone is by having a true connection with them… meeting them in person. I need to take my own advice!













