The Dark Days, Then, A Bit of Light
I’ve been struggling for a while with depression, anxiety and intrusive thoughts. It got bad enough in the last few months that I’m seeing a therapist multiple times a week, I’m on a delightful cocktail of SSRI’s, sedatives and beta blockers. (My heart is fine, the beta blockers help make it so my body literally cannot have the physical panic attacks. I mean, it still can, but it’s a lot harder to get there now.)
I also quit my job. It was too much pressure, too much accountability with not enough authority to fix anything. So Tuesday was my last day. I start a new job, one at a much lower level than I’ve been at for the last three years (but better pay/benefits) next Tuesday.
I legitimately loved everyone I worked with at my old job. They were almost my entire social group in Ohio. I’m sure that’s not actually healthy, but it is what it is. Now my anxiety is around fucking them over by leaving, or worse, that they’ll realize I wasn’t that great anyway and no one will ever speak to me again.
Part of the reason I got back on Tumblr this week is that I’ve been kind of simmering in a weird hole of my own shitty thoughts for a while now and the great thing about this ol black hole of a website is a) I can scream into the void and b) I know some of you, so the void screams back sometimes. It’s nice.
I’m not better yet, but I feel like I’m slowly making moves towards getting there. Today was an okay day.





















