It was a long & hard road, but you've finally brought peace to "the blasted lands", unifying the orc, goblin, ogre, undead, & other various inhuman tribes & collectives into one functioning nation. You're very proud, but for some reason, the humanoid kingdoms are now calling you "the Fell Lord"
"The Fell Lord," the orc Blood Matron, Marry, repeated.
"Why are they doing that? What does that even mean? Where did I fall from?" You asked, glancing around the hall.
The various other chieftains, monarchs and ministers all shrugged or otherwise showed their confusion.
"Maybe they just can't pronounce Fillip?" one of the imp marquis suggested.
Everyone nodded and hummed and otherwise agreed that it was a reasonable explanation. You weren't totally convinced, but also didn't really see the harm in it. It was just a name.
"The southern kingdom of Morat is requesting an audience with the Fell Lord," your goblin assistant, Mark, informed you.
"Who?" You asked. You were pretty good at remembering all the changes within noble lineages by now and you haven't heard anything about any new lords.
"You," Mark said.
"What about me?"
Mark pinched your knee the way he did when he felt you were being deliberately obtuse.
"Ow! I'm being serious!"
Mark rolled his eyes, "they think you're the Fell Lord."
"Oh," you said, "I guess I can go then."
The 'audience' was very strange. The king of Monat kept trying to make a deal with you regarding trade routes through the merfolk territory and you kept having to explain that you simply didn’t have the authority to make that kind of call, but that you would forward his request to the current cabinet of water denizens. By the end he offered his daughter's hand in marriage, which you of course had to refuse as you were already married.
"There is a gift from Graad for a Lady of the Fell Lands," Mark announced. Before you could ask what the 'Fell Lands' were, Mark explained, "we think they are referring to Blarion as a whole."
"Right," you nodded, understanding perfectly, "and who's supposed to be the Lady of Blarion?"
Mark shrugged.
"Hm, what do you think, Joe?" you asked your partner.
They slithered into the study from the attached conservatory. "What exactly is the gift?" They asked, because they were very wise.
Mark read off his ledger, "jewelry, gems, dresses shoes, perfume, makeup..."
"Sounds like stuff for a princess," you reasoned.
"The Necromancer King recently raised two new princesses," Joe reminded.
"Alright, great, let's just send them along to Georgie and tell him it was a baby shower gift from Graad."
"The empire of Hol is threatening to go to war," Marry announced, much too casually for your liking.
"What?! Why? What happened?" You asked, frantically flipping through your notes.
"They are saying that unless the Fell Lord becomes more amicable to negotiations, they will have no other choice," Marry explained. She huffed, crossing her arms, "I say let them come."
"Your vote has been noted," you said, making a note. "What's this about negotiations? What negotiations did they want to have?"
"There were some humans near our mines who kept saying something about a Fallen Lord," an Orge chieftain said, holding his chin contemplatively. "It was difficult to make out though. They are very small and run away when we get close."
"Okay," you pulled out a fresh piece of paper, "let's call a new vote. Who's for inviting some Hol representatives here?"
"But you're the Fell Lord!" The Hol representative hit the table with a fist.
"You keep calling me that, but you understand that it's not a real title, right? It has no administrative weight," you tried explaining.
"You united the Blasted Lands!" They exclaimed.
You nodded, "yes."
"So you're the rightful ruler!"
You shook your head, "no."
"Then who the hell is in charge here!" They shouted, motioning to the whole Hall of Heads.
"Well, everyone, a little bit, and no one in particular," you felt like you've been explaining the same thing in different words for an hour now, "Blarion is a united federation made of many different people, cultures and modes of governance all working toward the continued prosperity of all."
"But that's impossible!" They creid.
You chuckled, "it is evidently possible. "
Mary put a heavy hand on your shoulder, "Fillip," she said grandly, "is a very talented administrator."
You smiled, "aw, thanks, Mary!"
The Hol representatives looked to be on the verge of tears.
"Alright," you said, taking pity on the poor saps. Obviously they haven't been trained in the same meeting procedures as you and that was fine! It was important to meet people were they were at. "Let's take this from the top, clean slate. Why exactly do you think I’m the Fell Lord?"
"Well..." the Hol representative really thought about it, "you're the only human here"
You sat back in your chair, "oh."
You blinked.
You pulled up your previous notes, "you know what everyone, I've changed my mind. I'm voting 'yes' for war."
"YES!" Marry called, raising her axe over the representatives' heads, "BLOOD FOR THE MOTHERS!"
An amber bear figurine discovered near Słupsk, Poland. It dates back to approx. 9600-4100 BC. It is currently on display at the Museum of Regional Traditions in Szczecin.
ttrpg party has started going to the hardware store and I fear we are turning into a murderous band of house flipping-drunks who occasionally intersect with the main questline
I'm currently longing for those specific emotions triggered by watching shows with flawed but sympathetic characters in horrible shitty situations who so so desperately want to live anyway. I need me some Madoka Magica or Tokyo Ghoul or Repo: The Genetic Opera. If y'all have any other suggestions for media with this vibe hmu
thinking about the fact that my tabletop character is fundamentally evil but the other party members don't really understand that about her even after like 50 hours of play
She is always, always, always moralizing and acting holier than thou. She's the healer and she does it for the party even though it's illegal (undead country with positive energy bans) and it hurts her (she's powered by an oracular curse rather than divine cleric magic). She's obsessed with following the rules but the noble she is sworn to has assigned her to help the party, so she compromises on her own values and nature out of duty.
That's why she's evil though. She's a whiny moralizer, but it means nothing to her. She just does it because the rules and morals of her fucked up culture suit her and let her stand above others. It's not some complex philosophical position. She just supports whatever suits her and becomes fanatically loyal to powerful individuals who prop up her ego.
She saw some people suffering unjustly for committing crimes she commits on the regular and said "Oh, that's not my problem. I'm busy and don't have time for that." She turns down any and all side quests and doesn't care to assist strangers.
Someone pretended to ask a shopkeeper on a date to make a diversion for one of the rogues to steal valuables. When she heard this, she pressured him to actually go on the date. She knew he wasn't actually interested in the shopkeeper, but she pestered him to keep his word because she thought it would be amusing. She wanted to take the moral high ground and be the biggest person in the room, and then have her fun snooping afterwards.
I wonder when they will realize that she is literally the most toxic and evil character in the party. They've kind of been acting like she's the moral compass of the group and the more dark and chaotic characters are the ones leading them into trouble. There's been some conflict, but she has always managed to wiggle out of it by playing the long-suffering small bean victim.
The gender dynamics at the table and in-game are kind of wild, tbqh. The other players are literally all dudes with edgy combatant characters, and they just let everything she does slide because she's just the token nagging healer girl that doesn't do anything action-y
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