I'm still here

He/him | idk what to say

[justmyselfwithmyself]

I don't think I ever been to a place, a city, a country that didn't give me the urge to run away from it and that's probably why I am the way I am

[thoughtcascades]

not to be dramatic but i need a nap, a hug, 20k in cash, and to disappear for 3 months

[thekingofspin]

when my card declined at therapy and they made me replay these endings

[gonna-need-you-to-not]

[crimson-chains]

Playing with colors for these two ^^

[justmyselfwithmyself]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Alien Stage (Web Series) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Ivan/Till (Alien Stage), Ivan & Sua (Alien Stage), Ivan & Mizi (Alien Stage), Sua & Till (Alien Stage), Mizi & Till (Alien Stage) Characters: Ivan (Alien Stage), Till (Alien Stage), Mizi (Alien Stage), Sua (Alien Stage), Io (Alien Stage) Additional Tags: Minor Mizi/Sua (Alien Stage), Gay, Mystery, Ivan disappears, Investigations, Till Needs a Hug (Alien Stage), Mizi Needs a Hug (Alien Stage), Sua Needs a Hug (Alien Stage), Ivan and Sua are Siblings (Alien Stage), Ivan and Mizi are Best Friends (Alien Stage), Till-centric (Alien Stage), Till Realizes Feelings For Ivan (Alien Stage), Unreliable Narrator, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, Descent into Madness, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Obsessive Behavior, Obsession, Paranoia, I actually have a beta reader we stay alive unlike my motivation, unreliable author, Angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - High School Summary:

There are many things that are absolute truths, immutable and indisputable facts. Fire burns you if you touch it. Water boils at a certain temperature. Oxygen becomes rarer with altitude. Ivan is not dead.

Ivan disappears and everyone is convinced that he is dead. Too bad for those losers, Till will bring him home himself.

Or: a spiral into madness

ALIEN STAGE fanfic modern AU with Ivan disappearing and Till going insane anyone?👀 (+unreliable narrator)

[justmyselfwithmyself]

If you think The summer Hikaru died is a love story between Yoshiki and "Hikaru", then respectfully you missed the whole point of the manga. Yes, Yoshiki loved Hikaru. The real Hikaru. It is the whole point, it is one of the main reason he cannot let go of him. Yes, Hikaru loved him, to the point he begged "Hikaru" to take his place in order to not leave Yoshiki alone. But Hikaru is dead, and "Hikaru" is not him. Yes, obviously, Yoshiki's feelings for him are twisted and complicated: He is grieving his friend and love, while having to deal with a monster who took his place, he hates "Hikaru" for what he represents and for what he is not (Hikaru) but he also has a twisted love for him because "Hikaru" is the last remain of Hikaru, and because "Hikaru" is attached to him, closer to him especially with the feeling of being a monster than Yoshiki himself feels because of internalized homophobia. So yes, his feelings for "Hikaru" are weird, complicated, twisted. Yes, "Hikaru" feelings for him are also twisted, as he stated himself that he cannot feel love the way humans do since he is not human and will not ever be. But this is not a happy little love story, and it cannot end well. They are not a couple and cannot be. This won't end well because it was doomed before the manga even started when the real Hikaru died. And eventually, Yoshiki will have to let both Hikaru and "Hikaru" go.

[sorcererclow]

Mokumokuren would disagree. The story is as much about "Hikaru's" possibility of salvation as it is about Yoshiki's feelings.

[fynn-spelledwith-y]

plus, I’d like to add something prev has already stated in a previous post: a love story doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s between two allo characters, and it doesn’t necessarily imply romantic love. It’s what we’ve come to expect, yes, but it’s not the only option. TSHD is subversive, in more than one way

[justmyselfwithmyself]

Thanks for reacting to my post but I honestly think you're kinda off topic there because I thought it was obvious that I was explicitely targeting a romantic love, in the allo way. Obviously I do think that Yoshiki and "Hikaru" care for each other in a kind of weird, twisted way which I stated in my og post, my point was that it wasn't a romantic relationship, like some people in the fandom who see them as "omg yaoi silly couple" when it's way more messed up and complicated than that, and would not make any sense

[justmyselfwithmyself]

If you think The summer Hikaru died is a love story between Yoshiki and "Hikaru", then respectfully you missed the whole point of the manga. Yes, Yoshiki loved Hikaru. The real Hikaru. It is the whole point, it is one of the main reason he cannot let go of him. Yes, Hikaru loved him, to the point he begged "Hikaru" to take his place in order to not leave Yoshiki alone. But Hikaru is dead, and "Hikaru" is not him. Yes, obviously, Yoshiki's feelings for him are twisted and complicated: He is grieving his friend and love, while having to deal with a monster who took his place, he hates "Hikaru" for what he represents and for what he is not (Hikaru) but he also has a twisted love for him because "Hikaru" is the last remain of Hikaru, and because "Hikaru" is attached to him, closer to him especially with the feeling of being a monster than Yoshiki himself feels because of internalized homophobia. So yes, his feelings for "Hikaru" are weird, complicated, twisted. Yes, "Hikaru" feelings for him are also twisted, as he stated himself that he cannot feel love the way humans do since he is not human and will not ever be. But this is not a happy little love story, and it cannot end well. They are not a couple and cannot be. This won't end well because it was doomed before the manga even started when the real Hikaru died. And eventually, Yoshiki will have to let both Hikaru and "Hikaru" go.

[sorcererclow]

Mokumokuren would disagree. The story is as much about "Hikaru's" possibility of salvation as it is about Yoshiki's feelings.

[hi-ma-wa-rii]

Ok but you do realize it doesn't prove that Yoshiki and "Hikaru" are in love, and so doesn't prove that my friend is wrong?

I understand you disagree with him and don't think Yoshiki will have to let "Hikaru" go at the end. Fine, why not, we don't know how it will end yet so we cannot say.

But no matter what, even if there's a salvation for "Hikaru", Yoshiki and him still aren't in love and won't end up in a romantic relationship or anything. That's just the point of the post.

[justmyselfwithmyself]

Yes exactly haha I understand that people can disagree with me and think that Yoshiki won't have to let go of "Hikaru" in the end but my main point was that their relationship was very complicated but could not be a romantic one

[justmyselfwithmyself]

If you think The summer Hikaru died is a love story between Yoshiki and "Hikaru", then respectfully you missed the whole point of the manga. Yes, Yoshiki loved Hikaru. The real Hikaru. It is the whole point, it is one of the main reason he cannot let go of him. Yes, Hikaru loved him, to the point he begged "Hikaru" to take his place in order to not leave Yoshiki alone. But Hikaru is dead, and "Hikaru" is not him. Yes, obviously, Yoshiki's feelings for him are twisted and complicated: He is grieving his friend and love, while having to deal with a monster who took his place, he hates "Hikaru" for what he represents and for what he is not (Hikaru) but he also has a twisted love for him because "Hikaru" is the last remain of Hikaru, and because "Hikaru" is attached to him, closer to him especially with the feeling of being a monster than Yoshiki himself feels because of internalized homophobia. So yes, his feelings for "Hikaru" are weird, complicated, twisted. Yes, "Hikaru" feelings for him are also twisted, as he stated himself that he cannot feel love the way humans do since he is not human and will not ever be. But this is not a happy little love story, and it cannot end well. They are not a couple and cannot be. This won't end well because it was doomed before the manga even started when the real Hikaru died. And eventually, Yoshiki will have to let both Hikaru and "Hikaru" go.

[justmyselfwithmyself]

Oliver: Would you still love me if I had accidentally adopted seven children

Percy: Oliver it's three in the morning, just go to sleep - YOU DID WHAT?

Oliver:

Oliver: The papers are in the drawer