Life As a Mentally Ill Introvert

BPD/Anxiety/Depression/ADHD/PTSD Survivor // Safe Space // Bi/Aro/Aego // 24YO //

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

So, I've never had a Tumblr before, and I don't really know how it works, but I do know there are a lot of people out there looking for something. A friend, hope, love, genuine people, happiness, self improvement. Whatever it is you're looking for, it's out there, and I hope I can be that for at least one person and I'll be happy.

You can call me Annie for now. As you may have guessed from the very obvious titles and my username, I suffer from many mental illnesses, including but not limited to: Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder and, yes, even paranoia.

I am 23 years old, and still trying to get a hold on life and make something of myself. Sometimes it's easier said than done, especially because I am a firm believer that people do NOT get equal opportunities and chances in life.

I come from an abusive childhood, am a sexual assault survivor, and have been described by friends to be loyal, blunt and painfully truthful.

I have a beautiful ESA cat, and she is my whole heart.

I am a mother of a little girl in Heaven.

My hobbies include baking, writing, reading (when my attention span allows me), watching movies, thrifting, crafting and doing things for my friends.

If you want to talk or get to know me, I'd absolutely love that and look forward to getting to know!

My blog won't be ALL serious and sad, I'll also post funny things and little weird quotes and things too, I promise.

With Love,

Annie ❤

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

"WORTH"

Four years ago,

Five years ago,

Even six years ago,

I let boys determine my worth.

I let them toy with me,

Refuse to commit,

Let them keep me around while

They decided whether they wanted me

Or not.

Never again.

I will never cry over another boy

Who disrespects me like that.

I will never let another loser

Like that tear me down.

Do not treat me like I'm disposable.

I will not wait forever.

I will not put my life on hold for you.

I am worth being the one and only.

If you can't make that choice,

Allow me to make it for you

And you can watch me walk away.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

Give yourself some credit for the days you made it through when you thought you couldn't.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

"MISSING"

Why does everything have to be so complicated?

Why can't I message you if I miss you?

Why can't I check up on you even if we haven't talked in 6 years?

Why do I feel guilty about wanting to see if you're doing okay?

What changes in our lives that we can't care about one another anymore?

That it becomes "weird"?

"Creepy"?

I don't forget about you.

Did you forget about me?

Do you remember my name?

Do you wonder how I'm doing too?

Why does growing apart and going down separate paths mean you can't care anymore?

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

I had very few spoons today, and tbh I spent them all on showering for work and then dressing up a little nicer than I normally do. And that's okay, honestly. Today was not my day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

This makes me laugh considering I use the term "partner" to be more inclusive 😂

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

REGULAR SHOW "FLAT SCREEN EILEEN"

Okay, so first of all, Rigby & Eileen are ABSOLUTELY dating by this episode. Rigby actually GOES to Eileen's competition, cheers her on, and then WITHOUT HESITATION offers to drop off her new tv while she goes to work. He is SO sweet about it, excited even. Then he reveals to Mordecai and CJ that he's not just going to drop it off, he's going to put it up for her to surprise her. In this episode, it's revealed that Eileen and Rigby hang out quite often now, AND they even went to a renaissance faire! (I bet they totally dressed up too!) He even knows where her spare key is and when all her competitions and tournaments are so he can come water her plants. It's also revealed that at this point, Eileen is housed with an incredibly abusive and hostile roommate, Joanne, who scares both Rigby and Eileen. When Rigby is setting up the tv, he moves Joanne's plug down one. No big deal, right? Wrong. She loses her mind and grabs Eileen's tv, driving off to throw it in the river. Rigby grabs JOANNE'S TV (impressive that he can even carry it) and brings it as a hostage. When they confront Joanne at the bridge, Joanne calls Eileen names, which visibly pisses off Rigby. Rigby calms himself down (which shows so much development) because he knows that anger will only make the situation worse, and he does not want Eileen to lose the tv she worked hard to earn. However Joanne still throws the tv, and Rigby rescues it using the utility whip he bought at the faire. Blah blah blah, Joanne basically gets grounded for life by her family, and disappears. Anyway, Eileen comes home to the tv all set up, AND Rigby ordered pizza to surprise her. Rigby and Eileen both smile at each other sheepishly, which is a huge giveaway that they probably would have hugged if Mordecai and CJ hadn't been there, but they have to keep up appearances that they're only friends (for reasons explained later). Anyway this is me hyperventilating about how ADORABLE these two are 😭😭😭

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

"Lift With Your Back" makes me realize what a shitty person Mordecai really was and still remained throughout 6 seasons. Rigby grew as a person, and actually COMPLETED not only his BUT Mordecai's half of all their work while Mordecai became less responsible and started ditching work to hang out with his girlfriend. And then Mordecai straight up stabbed him in the back when he blamed Rigby for all the issues they BOTH caused, told him he can't do ANYTHING without him, and refused to acknowledge all the work he even did while covering for him. Mordecai never learned his lesson, ever, even as Rigby continued growing as a person. Rigby was 100% right to go off on Mordecai in this episode, quoting "Can't be worse than when you stabbed it (his back)! You think the only thing I'm useful for is being your chump! 'Rigby, help me get a girlfriend' 'Rigby let me borrow your time machine' 'rigby I found a dumb sweater and I gotta return it'! All you do is use me." The only reason Rigby completed his goal in this episode was because of Eileen. This episode really made me despise Mordecai.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

Just watched the Regular Show episode "I Like You Hi" and I legit teared up a little as Mordecai questioned his feelings about Margaret vs CJ.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

More proof of the growing relationship between Rigby & Eileen: In "Family BBQ", Rigby and Eileen are casually playing cards together while Eileen is on her break. It's adorable to see them doing such casual fun things together like playing video games and cards.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

One of my FAVORITE relationships (AND character development) to watch blossom is Rigby and Eileen from Regular Show. Currently watching Death Bear, and watching Eileen and Rigby tease Mordecai and joke together is amazing and funny! And they explore the zoo together, and act all crazy and yell through the tunnel. And then they taunt "Death Bear" together and Rigby ACTUALLY laughs at her joke, and THEN asks her how the camera works and listens as she explains instead of rolling his eyes and ignoring her like he would have before. And then he showed visible concern and fear for her when death bear attacked her. So yeah, I absolutely love their relationship and Rigby's development as a person.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

You discover you have a superpower. What is it? How do you use it? How does this affect your life? What do your friends/family think?

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

BE YOUR OWN EFFING SUN IN YOUR WORLD!! Don't ever give anybody else the chance to make you dependent on THEM or their thoughts of you! If you love yourself to the max and continue to improve yourself and celebrate your successes, no matter how small, then NOBODY else will ever tear you down or eclipse your needs or wants. YOU are the sun in your own world, nobody else.

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

It's amazing how fast I can switch between "$40 is a LOT of money" and "$40 is nothing"

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

Shh dont tell my manager I posted this 😂😂

[justyouraveragebpdgirl]

This is ABSOLUTELY me 😬😬