Vénec la Brocante

She/her/elle, Ni vu ni keunu / trans-friendly, block-happy, you can find me on Ao3

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.10 "Soon-to-be widower"

Gemellus wants to marry Maronilla

and desires, pursues, begs and gifts.

Is she beautiful, then? There's no one uglier.

Why then does he like and want in her? Well, she croaks.

Petit Gemellus nuptias Maronillae Et cupit et instat et precatur et donat. Adeone pulchra est? immo foedius nil est. Quid ergo in illa petitur et placet? Tussit.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.9 "A looker is a loser"

You wanna be seen as both handsome and great, Cotta,

But handsome guys, Cotta, are always lame.

Bellus homo et magnus uis idem, Cotta, uideri: Sed qui bellus homo est, Cotta, pusillus homo est.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.8 "Dying is easy, being cool is harder"

Because you follow the teachings of Thrasea and Cato,

so accomplished, while wishing to stay healthy,

and you don't run towards drawn swords with your chest barred,

You are doing, Decianus, what I'd want you to do.

I don't want a guy who buys his fame with easy blood,

The one I want can be praised without being dead.

Quod magni Thraseae consummatique Catonis

Dogmata sic sequeris, saluos ut esse uelis,

Pectore nec nudo strictos incurris in ensis,

Quod fecisse uelim te, Deciane, facis.

Nolo uirum facili redimit qui sanguine famam,

Hunc uolo, laudari qui sine morte potest.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.7 "Maximus has shit taste in poets"

A dove was my friend Stella's treat,

even if his hometown Verona is listening, i will say

Maximus, it beats Catullus' sparrow.

The same way my Stella is bigger than your Catullus

a dove is bigger than a sparrow.

Stellae delicium mei Columba, Verona licet audiente dicam, Vicit, Maxime, Passerem Catulli. Tanto Stella meus tuo Catullo Quanto passere maior est columba.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.6 "Ganymede gets compared to a bunny"

Long ago an eagle carried off a child through the air

its unharmed charge clinging to its fearful talons:

Today the prey wins over Caesar's lions,

and the hare plays safely in their big maw.

Which of these miracles do you think is bigger? Each of their author

sits at the very top: one is Caesar, the other is Jupiter.

Aetherias aquila puerum portante per auras Inlaesum timidis unguibus haesit onus: Nunc sua Caesareos exorat praeda leones, Tutus et ingenti ludit in ore lepus. Quae maiora putas miracula? summus utrisque Auctor adest: haec sunt Caesaris, illa Iouis.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.5 "Don't call me senpai you freak"

I give you a naumachia, you give me some epigrams:

Looks to me you want to go swimming with your book, Martial.

Do tibi naumachiam, tu das epigrammata nobis: Vis, puto, cum libro, Marce, natare tuo.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.4 "Pwease don't censor me senpai"

If by any chance my little books ended up in your hands, Caesar,

Do not raise the eyebrow that reigns over all the lands of the earth.

Your triomphs are used to handle laughter too,

It's no shame for a general to be the object of jokes.

In the way you look at the comedians Thymele and Latinus,

with that same face, please read my poems.

Censorship can allow innocent tease:

My pages are unserious, but my life is honest.

Contigeris nostros, Caesar, si forte libellos, Terrarum dominum pone supercilium. Consueuere iocos uestri quoque ferre triumphi, Materiam dictis nec pudet esse ducem. Qua Thymelen spectas derisoremque Latinum, Illa fronte precor carmina nostra legas. Innocuos censura potest permittere lusus: Lasciua est nobis pagina, uita proba.

[faitherinhicks]

Fanart of Vigga and Brother Diaz from Joe Abercrombie's The Devils. (Prose novel fanart disclaimer: This is my interpretation of these characters. If your interpretation is different, please do not tell me I'm "drawing them wrong" and let me enjoy my fanart. Thanks in advance.)

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.2 "Link to my shop in the description"

You, the one who wants to take my little books everywhere,

and is looking for company on a long trip,

Buy these, they're pocket books made out of parchment:

Leave the big ones in their coffers, mine fit in one hand.

However, so you don't ignore where my stuff is sold at

and you don't get lost in the whole city, I will be your trusty guide:

look for Secundus, the expert Lucensis' freedman

behind the entrance of the forum of Peace and Minerva.

Qui tecum cupis esse meos ubicumque libellos Et comites longae quaeris habere uiae, Hos eme, quos artat breuibus membrana tabellis: Scrinia da magnis, me manus una capit. Ne tamen ignores ubi sim uenalis, et erres Urbe uagus tota, me duce certus eris: Libertum docti Lucensis quaere Secundum Limina post Pacis Palladiumque forum.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

I.1. "Buy my book, I'm a best-selling author"

Here is the one you're reading, the one you want,

Martial, famous over the whole wide world

for his witty little books of epigrams:

To whom, you loyal reader, you gave

the kind of glory while he was living and breathing

Not so many poets gain after they're dead.

Hic est quem legis ille, quem requiris, Toto notus in orbe Martialis Argutis epigrammaton libellis: Cui, lector studiose, quod dedisti Viuenti decus atque sentienti, Rari post cineres habent poetae.

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

"Disclaimer of Book 1, so we're clear : don't like, don't read"

I hope to have shown so much moderation in my little books that there is no reason to complain about them for anyone who feels good about themselves, when they mock with healthy respect of people's character, even those of lower standing; ancient writers lacked this decency, to the point of not only abusing true names, but even famous ones.

Reputation is cheap to me, I want to be judged on my fresh talent.

Stay away from my innocent jokes, arguer in bad-faith, and don't write over my epigrams: using somebody else's book to look smart is bad behavior.

The playful truth of words, this is how the epigram speaks, which I would apologize for if it was my invention: Catullus wrote those, as did Marsus, Pedo, Gaetulicus, and anyone who has readers.

If there was still a sad enough individual that considers it divine law that no page can be written in latin, he can stay confined to this letter, or rather its title.

Epigrams are written for the people who are used to going to Flora's festival.

Don't come into my theater, Cato, or, if you come, just look.

Having said all that, it seems to me i've got the right to end this epigram with these words:

Since you knew about fun Flora's sweet rites' parties and games, and the people's freedom, Why did you come into the theatre, you dreary Cato? Was it to leave as soon as you got there?

Spero me secutum in libellis meis tale temperamentum, ut de illis queri non possit quisquis de se bene senserit, cum salua infimarum quoque personarum reuerentia ludant; quae adeo antiquis auctoribus defuit, ut nominibus non tantum ueris abusi sint, sed et magnis.

Mihi fama uilius constet et probetur in me nouissimum ingenium.

Absit a iocorum nostrorum simplicitate malignus interpres nec epigrammata mea scribat: inprobe facit qui in alieno libro ingeniosus est.

Lasciuam uerborum ueritatem, id est epigrammaton linguam, excusarem, si meum esset exemplum: sic scribit Catullus, sic Marsus, sic Pedo, sic Gaetulicus, sic quicumque perlegitur.

Si quis tamen tam ambitiose tristis est, ut apud illum in nulla pagina latine loqui fas sit, potest epistula uel potius titulo contentus esse.

Epigrammata illis scribuntur, qui solent spectare Florales.

Non intret Cato theatrum meum, aut si intrauerit, spectet.

Videor mihi meo iure facturus, si epistulam uersibus clusero:

Nosses iocosae dulce cum sacrum Florae Festosque lusus et licentiam uolgi, Cur in theatrum, Cato seuere, uenisti? An ideo tantum ueneras, ut exires?

[marcusvaleriusmartialis]

XXXV. "You have to forgive me because i'm hyping you up"

Forgive my improv: when someone works fast to satisfy you,

Caesar, he doesn't deserve to have you get mad.

Da ueniam subitis: non displicuisse meretur,

festinat, Caesar, qui placuisse tibi.

[szyszkasosnowa]

reading Witch Hat Atelier experience

[wolfythewitch]

​metaphorically undressing myself via truth nuke

[mafalofe]

brushnoodles

[fealty-to-thee]

I like how completely out of pocket Qifrey is in the Olruggio intro scene like

Olruggio: wow there is clearly something going on here and I don't think it's good for you or for this new kid. I'm a mandatory reporter you know I have to address whatever this is

Qifrey: (draws a gun on him) fuck with me

[fealty-to-thee]

And when he gets to explaining himself he weaponizes his chapter 92 knowledge.....

[kabbal]

Come weary to the wisterias chapter 5 is up!

Final chapter ;)