Bruce: The next agenda item—
Diana: Everything alright?
Barry: Who's calling Batman during a Justice League meeting?
(The phone immediately starts ringing again.)
Clark: You should probably answer it.
(The phone stops ringing.)
(It starts ringing a third time.)
Arthur: That sounds urgent.
J'onn: Your heartbeat indicates resignation, not concern.
Hal: Oh, now I really want to know who's calling.
(The phone rings a fourth time.)
Seven voices at once: BRUCE!!
Bruce: Why are you yelling?
Dick: JASON STARTED A FIRE!
Steph: HE ABSOLUTELY DID!
Jason: IT'S BARELY A FIRE!
Tim: THAT IS NOT HOW FIRES WORK!
Damian: Todd has committed arson.
Jason: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Duke: Like... really big fire.
Jason: That's subjective.
Jason: Bigger than a toaster.
Tim: It's in the kitchen.
Bruce: What happened to the kitchen?
Jason: Depends who you ask.
Jason: "Exploded" is a strong word.
Tim: THE OVEN IS IN THE POOL.
Bruce: I don't know, Arthur.
Dick: Bruce, don't be mad.
Jason: Don't throw me under the bus!
Dick: You drove the bus into the house!
Bruce: One person speaks.
Damian: Todd attempted to prepare garlic bread.
Damian: He neglected to remove the packaging.
Duke: Then Dick panicked because Jason panicked.
Dick: Jason was yelling "IT'S FINE!"
Tim: Then Steph grabbed the fire extinguisher.
Steph: Like a responsible adult.
Jason: I WAS NOT THE FIRE!
Steph: You were emotionally the fire.
Hal: Don't apologize. This is incredible.
Barry: Wait, is that everyone?
Steph: Is this on speaker?!
(Hal taps the speaker button before Bruce can stop him.)
Hal: You're welcome, Spooky.
Barry: Hey, is Wally there?
Dick: Yeah, he's helping Alfred.
Dick: WALLY! YOUR UNCLE IS ON THE PHONE!
Wally, somewhere in the distance: TELL HIM I'M BUSY TRYING TO SAVE JASON FROM ALFRED!
Alfred, faintly: You are not escaping, Master Jason.
Jason: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FATHER.
Jason: THIS ISN'T SUPPORTIVE.
Bruce: Neither was the kitchen.
Hal: Bruce has seven children and somehow none of them know how to cook.
Damian: Pennyworth forbids us from entering the kitchen unattended.
Arthur: That's... concerning.
Steph: We have color-coded privilege levels.
Duke: Yellow. Can make sandwiches.
Dick: Orange. Supervised cooking.
Tim: Red. Absolutely not.
Barry: Which one is Jason?
Everyone on the phone: BLACK.
Steph: It literally says "If Jason enters the kitchen, notify Alfred immediately."
Bruce: I didn't make the sign.
Alfred, louder now: I did.
Alfred: It has significantly reduced insurance claims.
Arthur: Insurance claims?!
Hal: This is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Bruce: I fail to see the humor.
Bruce: Of course you don't.
Bruce: They are committing property damage.
Clark: Listen to them. They're calling you because they trust you.
Bruce: They're calling me because the oven is in the pool.
Clark: Fine. Maybe a little.
Hal: Superman thinks Batman's disaster children are cute.
Bruce: They are twenty-five percent cute and seventy-five percent expensive.
Jason: I think we're at least forty percent cute.
Damian: I refuse to be categorized with these barbarians.
Bruce: Don't encourage them.
Hal: Dude, you're whipped.
Barry: You absolutely are.
Clark: Bruce is a great dad.
Hal: Bruce's children just called him because one of them accidentally launched an oven into a swimming pool.
Clark: They knew he'd know what to do.
Bruce: I do know what to do.
Dick: Great, what do we do?
Bruce: Put Alfred on the phone.
Alfred: Good afternoon, sir.
Bruce: Is everyone alive?
Bruce: Is the Manor still standing?
Bruce: Is anyone seriously injured?
Alfred: Master Jason's pride has suffered catastrophic damage.
Alfred: Other than that, no.
Bruce: Excellent. Handle it however you see fit.
Bruce: I'll be home in an hour.
The meeting room is completely silent.
Hal: I have one question.
Hal: How does this happen every week?
Barry: I want to come over sometime.
Hal: Seriously, Supes, you find that endearing?
Barry: They called Bats like kids calling their dad because they broke something.
Arthur: They are all highly trained vigilantes.
Clark: Who still call B when they accidentally destroy the kitchen.
Diana: It is rather sweet.
Clark: You answered on the fourth call.
Bruce: Because they only call that many times if it's important.
Hal: Or if Jason's cooking.
Bruce: Those are the same thing.
Clark: You didn't even ask if they were telling the truth.
Bruce: Because I already knew exactly who did it.
Bruce: Jason said "in my defense" before I asked a single question.
Clark, smiling at Bruce: You're a really good dad.
Bruce: There is no smile.
Barry: Supes broke Batman.
Clark: I didn't break him.
Bruce, very quietly: We still need a new oven.
Hal: Oh, that's disgustingly domestic.
Barry: They're impossible.
J'onn: It is, however, objectively adorable.
Bruce: The meeting is over.
Hal: We still have four agenda items.
origamiaround
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
stormborns
