i am buffalo chicken wing

jess | 25 (8/02) | he/him if you see me reblog smth from a shitty person/source, please tell me Icon by @fernmage

[kalaziel0]

I am the mistake god foolishly let out of the assembly line and I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem

[phantomrose96]

After 13 years of this, it's still funny to me that detailing a full mental breakdown on tumblr is standard fare, but posting a nice selfie is a fraught decision.

[loki-zen]

this is the correct way around and every other social media site is wrong

[faceless-crowd]

Mafia boss smoking a cigar: Why’d you gotta squeal, Squealin’ Stephen? I trusted you. Now I gotta send my best goons to show you what happens when you cross the Big Boss…

Guy tied up in chair: uh…theres just one guy over there.

Mafia boss: Yeah. That’s Lil’ Tony. He’s got one of dem conditions where he’s got multiple mooks n’ his head. But when Big Tony fronts you’re gonna be in big trouble.

Lil’ Tony: We actually all agree we’re gonna kick your ass.

[flowerbleedme]

it's not frequent enough to be considered a meme or a trend, but I like how every so often this site gets a new "woke mafia boss" variation.

[zinesbycee]

(nods sagely) (nods basily) (nods rosemarily) (nods saltly) (nods star anisely)

[kuttithevangu]

I'm on deadline so naturally Anzu chose today to have a category five terrier incident under the porch #abolishdogs

[spiderbasil]

you start to understand why they invented the bed

[resp0nsiblesillygo0ber]

Redrew my homestucklings from a previous year

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

After school care pulled me aside about my child dropping an f-bomb “without remorse” and I put on my concerned face and nodded a bunch.

Apparently he was building something with a younger kid “who really looks up to him and is just starting to make friends” and said “Hey, you’re really fucking good at this.” which is, in my estimation, really a parenting victory.

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

I absolutely failed at doing this:

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[duckbunny]

fun fact about character development by the way. you can make them develop worse.

[duckbunny]

like I mean this very seriously as writing advice. the character should experience events and make decisions that make them different at the end of the story. they should be changed. they do not have to be improved.

they can get worse. they can make decisions of an increasingly terrible nature. they can stop taking risks on kindness. they can discover how much they can get away with. they can find religion, or abandon it, with negative effects on their moral creed. the character has to develop. the character does not have to grow.

[emergency-broadcast-system]

With funky tools you can change the gay music to your favorite tracks

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry if this is a stupid and/or weird question but your response to that anon talking about people experiencing orgasms during childbirth made me wonder if there's a certain point in development after which it'd be weird for pregnant people to have sex or masturbate, since after a certain point the fetus(?) can hear? like, should people do it quietly or does it just not really matter? sorry again but i am genuinely clueless

should. should pregnant people have sex quietly so their baby doesn't hear?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

okay even assuming your unborn child can hear you fucking. it's like having sex in front of your stuffed animals or your dog, dude. they have absolutely no understand of what is going on. they don't give a shit. at no point is any person who has ever or will ever be born going to go "oooooh man I think hearing my parents fuck while I was in utero really fucked me up actually" that's not how anything works. they're too busy going "mmm yummy amniotic fluid" they do not know or care that sex is happening

[daggerdoggy]

settings > wound > my wound > reopen

[daggerdoggy]

do not forget this

[aropride]

people make jokes about how people who weren’t allowed to watch spongebob as a kid are always talking about how they weren’t allowed to watch spongebob but as one of the aforementioned people who wasn’t allowed to watch spongebob my insight on the matter is: you would not BELIEVE the amount of times spongebob comes up in normal adult conversations. i don’t often think about him of my own accord but people reference him and i have to say. what? and they say. it’s from spongebob?? and i say. oh i never watched spongebob. and they say why? and i say. i wasn’t allowed to. and then a few weeks later it happens again

[prokopetz]

Dramatically declaring "IT BEGINS" even though I know darn well it has in fact been ongoing for some time.

[just-spacetrash]

in my little pony universe youd go to a job interview and theyd be like so how does your cutiemark reflect your dedication to this position. And every time youd have to spew some bullshit about how your cutiemark of two tennis rackets actually means youre a team player and good at multitasking and view the market like a playing field. or whatever. and you wouldnt even get the job

[fvckw4d]

Thanks to Equestria v Sugar Sprinkle, cutie mark interview questions are considered hiring discrimination, so if anypony asks you any cutiemark related questions or even alludes to any questions about your cutiemark such as "In your own words, describe your life purpose" you can and should refuse to answer. Know your rights, ponies.

[dear-julien]

Primadonna worm all i ever wanted was to squirm