In those days everything feels gray, everything feels just the same. There are no good days, there is just this dark grey all over our heads. Whenever there's sunshine outside, there's still grey inside and when there's no sunshine either, well, then it just blend all together in one unic color. Then there are days when blue is coming out of the grey and someone might thinks it is a good event, but there's nothing more wrong than that. No. Blue is the color that comes out like a lighting strike out of the whole big grey mass of clouds in the sky and it is no good. It's like this sordid sound that comes with the thunder, unexpected, unwanted and so scary that you breath starts to shake as so as your body. Trembling heart and racing thoughts, they speed like the light. You don't even have time to stop that, the blue just appears. Out of the news, out of social medias, out of a phone call and out of yourself. I'm feeling blue right now, because of me. Because I feel so disgusted and disappointed by myself that I might as well take a step back in my progression here. Maybe I already did. Pretty sure I already stepped back. Back in the hole of emptiness and loneliness, back to my teary eyes and tired heart. Back to the me I've known for the past 9 months. Ironic, uh? 9 months. But instead of growing in a womb I'm falling apart. Or, in a sense, I am growing up, but it doesn't feel like it. It's not happy times like it used to be growing up, it's not all fun and games, it's not big sincere smiles and no thoughts. It's all the way around: it's tiredness, it's sadness, madness at times. It's a heavy feeling on your body that keeps crushing on the ground little by little, now the feet, now the legs, now the stomach... Depression has never hit like that before.