I'm Kalla, Distrct Five. It's been a year since I lost my sister, and my best friend. I'm not bitter, she was just trying to help us. Good comes out of bad.
She didn’t answer. Instead, he found himself faced with a question that only made him smile. Shifting slightly, he moved so that he held her against his side, one arm around her and the other clasping one of her hands. “In all honesty I do not know. I simply know that I love you, and that when you are not yourself it is my duty to stick by you, until you feel you are ready to accept my help, or tell me what is wrong.” He waited and thought for a moment, thinking back to the moment in the elevator. “It’s just intuition. I knew something was wrong when you didn’t answer your door. So I went to find you. Since I first spoke to you it was like there was a connection, an understanding. As though you had shook my hand and said nice to meet you, I’m your other half.”
Through her tears, Kalla gave a small laugh. She grabbed his hand, and looked at his knuckles. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, unable to look into his eyes. "I didn't mean any of it, you have to know that."
He felt her position change. She relaxed, the weight of her against him increased and that only made him hold her more tightly. He let her cry, his hand moving to her back. Brushing his palm across it lightly he waited for her to finish. Her own negativity and self depreciation hurt him. Could she really not see what it was that he saw each time he looked at her? “Hey, Kalla, shh. It’s okay. I have you and I won’t ever let you go.” Leaning back, he brushed the hair from her cheek and wiped away a stray tear. Meeting her eyes he smiled and shook his head.”What you did was stupid, I will not deny that. But please, do not think of yourself as weak. You were prepared to do something that takes a lot of bravery. You knew what would happen, how the force fields worked and you were prepared to deal with the emotional pain. But promise me, you will not ever do that again. Even if I am there to catch you.” Cupping her cheek, his thumb brushed her skin carefully as he kissed her forehead. Closing his eyes he paused, waiting a few seconds before leaning back not meeting her gaze. “Please, tell my why. Why did you say those things?”
Even with Axel telling her differently, Kalla felt weak. With his strong hands holding her, she felt weak and spineless in his embrace. It was cowardice that made her run from her problems rather than face them. She was prepared to give up, not be brave. “Please, tell my why. Why did you say those things?” Shaking her head against his palm she shrugged. There was absolutely no explanation. She was angry, and upset, and still was. But for all different reasons now. "How do you know when I need you most? Always. You're always here."
He stood there watching her with his hands held tightly behind him as she sat each venomous word at him. Each refusal for his help and utterance left him hurt but still he stood taking each blow as it came not judging her for it. She was upset, and he understood that when people were controlled by their emotions nothing that came from them could ever be fully trusted. But as soon as he saw her shuffling back his arms moved from behind him and he leant forward, the images from before burning brightly in his minds eye. This couldn’t happen. Not now. Not ever. As her screamed ripped through the cold night air, he fell forward, hands wrapping around her arm. He looked down at her, eyes wide with fear and worry as he held her over the edge. “Hold on.” He may be smaller than most, and his strength was something to work on but now in this moment when it counted he gave no second thoughts and slowly pulled her up, ignoring the scrape of gravel against his shins and elbows he pulled knowing she needed his help. “Say what you like. Insult me, deny my help and reject my efforts to aid you. But do not expect me to stand idly by and left you fall!” With what strength he could muster he heaved her over the edge. Falling back, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Breathing heavy, He slowly sat up hands on her shoulders. Gripping them tightly he looked at her his expression a mixture of fear and anger. “Don’t you dare do anything so stupid ever again! On purpose of not don’t you ever do something like this. Never, you hear me?!” He knew he shouldn’t shout but what good was it to fight against his emotions. He wasn’t mad at her, he was scared. His expression softening, he pulled her tightly against him, voice muffled against the wind. “I could have lost you.”
They say your life flashes before your eyes, and that you see everything you love, but for Kalla that already happened. What she loved was either with her in that moment or already dead. The only thing she could see was his face. Axel's terrified, and angry expression. But regardless, his efforts for her were not to be ignored. If she really wanted to die, she would of pulled her arm out of his grasp. Instead, Kalla held onto his wrist and sobbed. She was almost gone, and the only thing she had left would have been left behind. He was right, she was stupid! So stupid. How could she have even considered leaving him in the arena, how. "I could have lost you." She sobbed onto his shoulder and trembled against his embrace. Kalla balled her fists against his chest and cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean it," she repeated. "I forgot, I'm sorry. I can't be alone. I'm sorry, I'm weak."
The tone of her voice was enough to make his grip on the cardigan loosen slightly, disheartened by her negativity. This wasn’t Kalla, the bubbly and caring girl that he was used to. Sure, there were moments when they were both pessimistic, but not like this. The maliciousness was clear. Stumbling back a step he took a small breath, letting it out slowly as he looked at her. Hiding the hurt he felt from her obvious dislike of his company he moved to tie the cardigan round his waist. “I shan’t leave you. There is nothing you can say or do that will make me go.” His eyes softened as he held his hands tightly behind his back, just as he had in that bathroom so long ago, hoping that the timid gesture would show her he meant no harm. “I know you are capable. But everyone has moments when they might like or require assistance. Whether they are big enough to accept or realise that is an entirely different matter.”
With every word he said, Kalla grew more and more angry. His patience with her was so uncalled for and undeserved. She didn't ask for him to be her savior, she didn't ask for any of this. Turning quickly on her heel, she glared at him again but with more bitterness and resentment. "You are full of it, Axel! Just stop. Go away, get out! I don't want your help." Throwing her arms in the air. Her lungs screamed from the volume at which she spoke. "I just want to die! Let me die! If you loved me you would let me die!" As she spoke, Kalla took small steps backward, toward the edge, without knowing it. "Just please go away! I hate you, get out of he--" Her words, interrupted by a scream. Her momentum was beginning to tumble over the edge of the building. Wait! I'm not ready to go let me finish yelling at him!
His shoulders fell as she avoided his questions. Watching her, getting no nearer to understanding what had upset her so. Seeing no possible benefit from repeating himself he shrugged off his cardigan slowly, taking careful measured steps towards her. “I told you. I cannot do that. I apologise as that is evidently not the reply you were hoping for, and I only hope I can make it up to you.” With only a few steps between them his eyes flicked from the edge to her. He needed to get her away from the side, with this wind his mind was only filled with images of her falling. Holding out the cardigan he stopped, not wanting to make her feel cornered. “Here. You are cold and I do not want for you to catch a cold.”
Kalla glared at him, her eyes sharp like daggers. "Axel, I told you to get lost," she warned in a low tone. "I don't need you watching over me like I'm a child, I can take care of myself." Looking to the cardigan, she shook her head and crossed her arms. "I don't need that," she hissed. "Now," turning to face him, she took an angry step toward him and shook her head. "Get out of here." shoving his shoulders she didn't even care if he were hurt.
From where he stood in the low light, it was easy to see the figure shaking slightly, and his attention was brought to the bitterly cold wind that whipped around them. It was obvious that is was her. As she stood, and her slight frame came into view he couldn’t help but feel relieved. But it didn’t last long. Something still wasn’t right and the tremble in her voice only confirmed his suspicions. Taking another careful step closer he lowered his hand slightly. “I can respect that you wish to be alone. But I cannot do that.” Clearing his throat he pushed back the feeling of guilt at ignoring her request. Instead he smiled, hoping his expression would seep into his voice and show her he did not mean to cause her anymore distress. “It’s absolutely freezing, and something, shall I say a gut feeling is making me feel as though I should stay.” Stepping slowly around her, not getting closer, but moving so that her face came into view he waited, taking the silence that followed as another chance to speak. “Kalla, is there something wrong?”
Ignoring every one of his questions, she wanted to scream. She could let herself fall right now, she could do it... But with Axel there to watch, it complicated things. "Axel, listened to me. Get out of here. I'll be okay." The wind screamed in her ears and she shook again.
Now Axel couldn’t be sure, and at this point he also couldn’t be thinking logically as his hand pushed the top floor button. Some part of him felt it was right, as though going up there were necessary. After all, she had mentioned being up there before. And with the tree in the gardens, Axel wasn’t so sure that Kalla would be in any rush to go back there. Clicking his knuckles as he stared at the slowly changing numbers he told himself that his impatience was futile. Tapping his foot and getting agitated would not make it go any faster. The only relief came when the chime sounded and the doors began to open. He didn’t wait for them to fully part before pushing through the gap and stepping out into the corridor. There was no sign of any people, and as his heart fell he turned to look back at the still open doors or the elevator. But then something caught his eye. Stopping and turning his head to the door leading to the roof he saw the faint gap and his breath caught in his throat. Stepping towards it, slowly at first and then faster he crossed the small distance and made his way up the steps opening the door to see a silhouetted figure at the edge. “K-Kalla?” his voice was soft so not to startle the person who knelt, with their back towards him. Moving closer, with and outstretched palm he waited for a response, hoping it was her.
Sloppily wiping her nose with the back of her hand, Kalla shoved herself to a standing position, and stumbled toward the edge of the roof. She had heard Axel speak of the force fields, and remembered how they played such a huge roll in the 75th Annual Hunger Games. Kalla was forced to recall the time when a tribute almost died just from running into one, her thoughts jumbled together as she wondered what would happen if someone jumped into one. Her shaking was a mix of the cold, fear, and anticipation. Looking to the stars once more, she searched for a sign. A sign that this idea of her's, no matter how crazy it was, it was for the best. Kalla only burdened those around her with her schedules and hand wringing, and hand washing. Again she cried out into the air and ran her hands through her hair. "Kalla?" The small voice screamed at her. She shook, and didn't turn around. She knew exactly who it was. "I'd like to be alone for a while," she said calmly, although the tremble in her tone could not be ignored.
How many hours would be acceptable to wait? Ten? Twelve? Axel at this point had no concrete answer and no one to confer with. All he knew was that it had barely been 9 hours since he had last spoken to Kalla and already his patience was wearing thin. Something about being away from her, especially when their time was so scarce has him anxious. Coming to a stop in the center of the room he looked at the small groove he had created in the carpet. Pacing was definitely not helping, the only logical solution was to go see her and hope that her schedule was not going to be too badly interrupted. Making his way quickly out of the flat he took the elevator to her floor, standing in front of the door for a few minutes trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for his being here unannounced. Taking a breath he raised his hand knocking on the door a couple of times. Waiting he listened to the faint ticking of his watch, and when his count reached 60 he knew something was off. Kalla had mentioned being busy but nothing about this time. Where was she? Stepping into the elevator his hand hovered over the buttons. He needed to see her, but the issue he now faced was finding her.
She ran, taking the stairs two at a time. There was no time to be wasted. Placing her hand on the door handle, chest heaving, this was the door to alleviate Kalla of her anguish and pain. The chill seeped under the base of the door, and froze her toes before her. Shivering, she pulled on the door and was welcomed by a blast of cold air. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stepped out into the night, leaving the door behind her wide open. She didn't care anymore. Her will had noticeably dropped, but not enough that Kalla might stop. Soon she would be free from the fetters of her life. No more fear of germs, no more guilt of losing her best friend, no more anxiety for her future death in the arena. She could leave it all behind now, there was no one to stop her! Looking to the sky, she released a shrill sob and cried into her hands. "Karen," her name came out in a whisper. She fell to her knees and balled her hands into fists before slamming them into the ground. Kalla wished she had her claws here. She wished she could claw her heart out and throw it over the edge over the building. Once more, she called her name again, but this time to the endless void that is the sky.
Looking at herself in the mirror, Kalla could do nothing but shudder. Her hair, as if every one of her ringlets had a mind of it's own, stood on end, and her eyes were bloodshot and drained from the tears that still tore down her face. She involuntarily shook as she clung the cool porcelain sides of the sink with white knuckles. Look at you, she thought. You couldn't save her. You weren't there for her when she needed you. Growling, Kalla violently ripped herself from the room. She was done with trying to impress everyone. After working so hard to fix every ailment she had, it was becoming almost impossible to continue on like this. Without even bothering to grab shoes or change her clothing, Kalla left the apartment and began to make her way to the roof.
The question echoed in Kalla's mind before she could answer it. That was easy, Axel. But how could she convey her feelings for him without seeming heartless for leaving him there by that lava to die? The recollection of the memory made her shudder. "Axel," she responded weakly. "I wish I could take him all along to these districts with me. I wish he could be here to hold my hand and help me through this. And I'm constantly reminded of the fact that I couldn't save him when he needed me most. Every day I look in the mirror and I see a failure. I see someone who betrayed the one that she loved in order to save her own skin, and I almost can't live with that."
I Could Spend my Life Just Trying to Sift Through What I Could Have Done Better but What Good do What If's Do?
My name is Kalla Price. I'm the victor of the 76th Annual Hunger Games, but I shouldn't have been. There were so many other people better than I was, it's true. Every time I say that though, people just write me off as being humble, or whatever, but I wasn't some spectacular fighter or even that strong. Seriously, I mean look at me I'm a twig. But anyways, yeah. There were other people more qualified, yadda yadda but I'll tell you my story anyways.
My sister's dead. She died a while ago now, but she was my best friend, and it was rough to go on without her, but I did it. Because of her death, however, I had become germaphobic and I developed a lot of nervous ticks. One in particular was wringing my hands. The point being, her death effected me way more than it should have. I was sick.
Anyways, this kid in her squad, Tobin, was a tribute with me this year. I hated him. I despised him because he was with my sister when I couldn't be. Some kid who barely knew my sister claimed he loved her, and now he was here to be my big brother. I was so busy telling him that I could handle myself that I had forgotten that Karen obviously liked this boy, or whatever. Rather than hating him, I should have at least tolerated him. Seeing his death in the replays killed me. He died for me, essentially, because he was trying to help me. After Flora had taken his pack, he needed something right? So returning to the cornucopia was logical. Except for the fact that it died along with him. That was a bad design on the Game Maker's part, but whatever. The worst part is they zoomed up to his face just after he threw out the ring, and you could see him say her name. He really cared about her, he wasn't just acting. Part of me wished he was faking it all, but I'm almost glad. At least he didn't die a liar.
One of the things I regret is killing as many people as I did. I killed Caitlyn Fates for a power thing. To show my strength to the audience, and I guess it worked. They helped me not die later that day, so thanks to them. But still, I killed her, and Morgan, and even the man I loved with all of my heart. As I re-watched those clips over and over again I realize the mistake I had made. Axel was asking me to leave, not kill him. Taking away the pain from myself meant me leaving, not me sitting and watching. I had thought he wanted to die at my mercy than anyone else's, but of course I was wrong. If I had only listened to him more carefully...
I'm living from a different motto now. While the nightmares still keep me wide awake at night, I'd rather be thinking about what I did right than what I did wrong. I'm a killer, yeah, and I'm not perfect, but I know how to love and I can still smile every day. And it's all thanks to Axel Darkling. If it weren't for him I'd of died. He taught me the importance of touch and how much one simple glance can convey. Everything I know about love, I learned from him. It sounds cheesy, I know but it's true. He's the only reason I had the strength to move on.
Of course, I still have my panic attacks, and almost a year later, they've dwindled down to only once every other day. And I still need to wash my hands for at least 20 seconds before I can feel better, but that's the least of my worries. I'm mentoring this coming year. While I'm only fifteen, I've been there. I understand what they're going through even if they don't. I'm ready to move on. Living in those three days will only kill me quicker and show them all that I'm weak, and I'm not. The reason I won is because I didn't let it all get to my head like Flora did. Leaving her body in the humid arena was hard to do. I barely knew her, but in those few moments I learned so much about her. Like her brother was a victor (okay, fine I did some research.) She wanted to win for him, but the Game Makers saw differently. Apparently I was more fit than the career.
There's much worse things than becoming a victor, but I think winning the Hunger Games is definitely up there. Yeah, I've got the riches, but now I live with a lifetime of regret. The only thing I can do now, is look up. Move on without tripping in my own nightmares. My mission to show everyone I'm more than I seem is still going on, and will be until the moment I die.
The way the girls weapon twisted was sudden and sharp enough to let a small cry of pain escape Flora’s lips. Annoyed and momentarily distracted by the pain, the girls attempt at freeing herself proved fruitful, both were on the floor in seconds. Having been knocked of her feet, her instincts screamed for her to stay down. That it would only be worse if she got up. But she wasn’t home anymore. Staying down wouldn’t keep her alive, it would get her killed. With the other girl scrambling to her feet, and Flora biting her lip against the pain, she pushed herself up and away from the girl. “Do me and everyone else a favor and die already.” The way her words sounded, with nothing but anger and hatred in her tone. She sounded like her sister. No, she wasn’t like that. She was better. The thunder crashed once more, the sound was deafening and she couldn’t help but think it was fitting. The canon would soon roar much like that, marking the girls death. Narrowing her eyes she raised her hand up high, ready to hit the girl with one last blow. Flora was done fighting.
Kalla was out of breath, not from the physical exertion, but from the intensity both of them fought. She stood, her weapons ready and ready to strike when necessary, but it was Flora who raised her weapon first. Kalla cowered. For once she felt useless. She didn't have a shield to protect herself, nor any quick reflexes to get her away from the strange weapon, so how could she win? She squeezed her eyes shut, just as Morgan had, and waited to die.
Surprised by the girls quick actions, she didn’t realise the extent of the girls skills until she felt the blade sink into her stomach. Uncurling her clenched fist, Flora wrapped her hand around the girls wrist, the one that held the claws. Her leg was screaming, the pain only making her grip tighten on the girl. It hurt. But this was nothing, nothing compared to what her siblings had put her through. Two quick blows only caused so much damage and pain. But grueling hours of repetitive kicks and punches, with their taunts and laughter echoing in her ears would always hurt more. Drawing the girls hand back, pulling the claws out from her skin she met her eyes and laughed. “Try again.” Flora would take each ounce of pain and give it back tot he girl ten fold. Flicking her wrist, she let her blade wrap around the girls knee, ignoring the small scratch gained in the process. Twisting the girls wrist she held her arm out at and smiled. Once more. Like you mean to kill me.
When Flora's frozen hands wrapped around her wrist, Kalla's eyes narrowed. Rather than fear, she felt anger. Kalla despised this girl and she didn't even know her name. She wanted her dead and gone but she didn't even know why. The strange weapon she wielded wrapped around her knee and dug into her skin. Clenching her jaw, she thought back to every fight she had with Morgan. Spitting into her face she grunted and pulled her leg against the weapon until it was free. The claws still in the tribute's leg twisted before Kalla brought them out again. "You shouldn't have done that," she said, almost mimicking her before shoving against the girl's chest with her shoulder. Both of them fell, but Kalla was the one the scramble to her feet first.
As her hand wrapped around the end of her Urumi she saw the girls foot stomp down on the blades. Looking up, pushing herself onto her hands and knees, she took in the girls frightened expression. It made Flora want to laugh. This girl had no idea what she was doing. It didn’t matter. Her weapon wasn’t necessary for her to kill, it just made it a lot more fun. “Back off little girl.” Smirking she stood quickly and punched the girl hard in the stomach. Hesitating a moment, she the gave time to let the girls initial shock go, before bringing her elbow up and hitting the side of her head. Her intention was to knock her back, away from the whip. And when the girls balanced slipped, Flora dipped, grabbing the handle and pulling the blades free and stepping back.
When the girl's fist connected with her stomach, Kalla's initial reaction was to step back but she refused. Instead she dug her heal deeper into it, but she didn't anticipate another punch in the head. Stumbling backward, she watched as the girl raised her weapon once more. Kalla was tired of this constant waning and waxing of who had the upper hand. She grunted and jumped across to Flora, even though her head throbbed and her hip stung, she didn't care. She aimed for her leg, digging her left claw into Flora's left thigh. And it didn't stop there, she brought her other hand up, using the claw to stab the girl in the stomach. It seemed that even that, would not be enough to stop her because she still stood against all of the pain.
Instinct told her to catch it, and it took less than a second after she had left go, and her hands came into contact with the coconut to realise her mistake. With her only weapon now being nothing but the equivalent of a downgraded rock, and her Urumi cast off a few feet away, Flora was no longer in an ideal situation. Her blades had caused the injury to the girls hip and it was easy to see the bloodied material from where she stood. Her only option would be to move. Dropping the stupid coconut and diving for her discarded whip, hoping that her hand would find the handle before the girls Claws found her.
It took Kalla a second to realize that her plan had worked! She didn't expect it to, not even in the slightest. So when the girl reached for her... weapon again, Kalla was behind. Her hand was on the handle by the time she moved. Stomping her foot clear on the tip of her strange weapon, she trapped it between the sand and the sole of her shoe. She stared at the tribute wide eyed afraid of what may come next.
