did i dodge a bullet or just lost the love of my life?
okay so, me and my friends made this film club at uni where we'd watch movies, rate n review them, hold filmmaking workshops. all that.
so our very first event was this little session where we'd introduce the society and ourselves. the original plan was that we'd start off by reenacting a film scene so me and my friend decided to do white chicks, that car scene, terry crews + a thousand miles. but she got nervous so we scratched that and all of us started talking about movies, dc vs marvel, disney princesses and whatnot.
so among these people was this guy, i saw him for the first time there but my friend knew him a lil cus she'd given him and his mom a campus tour when he first applied, he was super interactive and talkative. we all had fun.
one thing i noticed about him was how DIVINE he smelled like i just cannot describe it. he smelled like heaven is all i can say.
fast forward to a few days later i was in the library with my friend, we had our physics lecture in about an hour and we were trying to find the answers to our class assignment. my laptop dies and i look for a socket, i find one in the corner, but that guy is sitting there so i walked up to the socket and saw he was already charging his laptop, so as im about to walk away he says oh its fine mines almost charged anyway. so i sat next to him. i remember he was watching some show called smiling friends (?), im still looking for the answers online and he asks me do you know what this is, i thought he was asking about my lockscreen wallpaper so i go yea thats attack on titan, he looks at like HUH and i realised he meant the show he was watching so im like oh sorry yea no idea and thats when he sees my canvas interface, i had it all customised to hello kitty. so hes like holy shit thats so cool teach me how to do that, during all this my friend comes up to me and we tell him about the chrome extension and also how u can customise your vs code asw. so we spent that hour just talking about random stuff, all three of us.
all the time i was fixated on his perfume. i just cannot stress this enough but he smelled so goddamn sexy
so a month goes by, during which sometimes id see him, sometimes id just smell him and instinctively look around until i saw him. i always wanted to ask him what perfume he wore, thats all i really liked about him, we werent close or friends, nor did i like him
so a week before our midterm exams we get an email that all society's executive council needs to come to campus for a photoshoot, each society must have 6 members minimum. we were just 5, so my friend (the one that knew him) is like oh i think i know someone who wouldnt mind coming to campus just for this so she asked him and added him to the gc
on the day of the shoot, i wore my sisters heels which were a little big and loose, the shoe kept rubbing against the back of my foot. since this happens with me a lot i knew id start bleeding if i kept the shoes on, so i just took em off and i was walking barefoot, also idk why im typing this cus it has absolutely no contribution to the story whatsoever but anyway
so we're all waiting for our societys turn but were told it might take a while, so we start goofing around, drawing on the board, talking and all, it was getting pretty late and my friend left, we couldnt do the shoot without her so we all left in an hour or so asw. we also let the student services dept know that we were all on time but we cant stay the whole day so please reschedule our shoot. they decided on some random weekday after our exam.
all this while he was still added to teh gc cus we werent actuallu done with the shoot. so one random day (our exams had alr started), id alr gotten home, changed into smth comfy and was having lunch when he texts in the gc like "HEY GUYS IS ANYONE HERE" so im a lil confused why is he texting rn shouldnt he be giving his exam im like whatsup and he goes i overslept and missed my exam. thing is the course for which he had the exam actually consists of theory and lab, hed only missed the theory and since he lives closeby he could actually make it to campus for the lab exam, however we all figured theyd just assume he overslept and wouldnt reschedule the exam he missed, so we're all talking in the gc, trying to come up with a solution for him, the best one was he should stay home, miss both exams and try to get a doctor's note or smth saying he was on bedrest, now since one of my dad's closest friends is a doctor i told him i could help him with that just for the mere cost of 5 chocolates.
so i told my dad that my friend had some family problems, he missed his exam, can you help out? so yea at the end, he did get that doctors note, all was well.
a couple days later my dad asked if he was able to reschedule him exam so i texted him and from there we just started talking about random stuff, bcus i send a lot of stickers while chatting he found out about my yaoi obsession, so we started talking about that, he randomly shared his childhood pictures so ofc i sent mine asw, in the end he added me on instagram
on the day of shoot, after we were all done i reminded him about the chocolates and left. so we'd talk pretty much every day, sharing reels, talking about random things, spilling uni tea. and obviously i caught feelings for him, i didnt see him a lot on campus cus our schedules didnt align at all, like id sometimes see him on my way from one class to another or after classes when id be leaving (still hasnt given me my chocs btw)
so as we're talking everyday, he'd sometimes text me and ask my when i was free so we could hang out. one really, really REALLY importat fact for this story is that im initially shy and introverted so obv i like him at this point and if we happen to interact irl i just know i couldnt keep up the convo. so i told him yea im free after 4:30
so around that time he texts me wya BUT earlier id gotten an email that our calculus exams had been marked and we could come for the contestation, so me and my friend we left for that. while we were in the office, he comes in, we made eye contact and he asked the prof "oh im sorry i was looking for this prof's office" and then he leaves. and thats when i remembered oh shoot we were supposed to hang oout but i couldnt just walk out, i remember we were in there for about an hour, so around 5:30ish i texted him im in the common room but hed gone back home to get his football stuff, so he asked if i could wait for him on campus, hed skip football, we could hangout and he'd drop me off home. now in all honesty, i wasnt really sure about this, i liked him, i was starting to see he liked me too, but i just knew id be super shy and make a fool out of myself, so i told him its getting pretty late, we can hang out tomorrow or whenever.
next day, i told all this to my friend. turns out she'd already been suspecting smth was going on, cus we were texting a lot and when i wasnt around hed ask about me, like do you know where she is and etc etc.
so it was official we both liked each other but were just too clueless or maybe shy to say anything. so my friend steps in and shes like dw i gotchu ill handle this. that day i went home early cus i had miserably bad period cramps.
butttt a few hours later she texted me saying she talked to him, his friend was there asw and he spilled the beans that he liked me. i was ecstatic. she also said that he wanted to get to know me better first before asking me out (very important, remember for later in the story)
next day, we hung out. we talked about just random stuff, but yea i was really really shy and ofc he noticed that (remember this for later in the story)
so couple days later we had a film screening and were really busy for that, he was supposed to come but texted me later saying that he was sick and couldnt come so im like yea no probs. but it had been 20 mins since the movie had started and ppl werent coming so i texted him "you shouldve been here, litr no one's coming" and he texted back "coming in 10" and he did. so he sat next to me, we talked a lil durinng the movie, but then my friend got a call and she left and i was so so nervous he might say something or idk try to ask me out?? tbvh, i didnt want him to. cus i didnt know him all that well, it'd barely been a month since we started talking and i thought maybe we're taking things a lil too fast.
so i just got up and left. in the middle of the movie. and do u wanna know what i did? i went to my calculus prof like oh hey i had this question and started solving practice questions with him??? just because i was horribly nervous. but then my friend called me later that they got snacks so i came back inside. turns out there was some issue with the projector so they'd turned the movie off and were just talking and eating snacks and all. he was ofc there and he asked me oh whered u leave in the middle of the movie and im like ohh yeaa i had to check smth, a very lame excuse lie whatever. anyways after like 30 mins pretty much everyone left it was just us society ppl and him. so randomly my friend is like hey sit on my lap i dont think ur very heavy, so im like yea and i did and he looks at me and goes do you want me to give u guys a ride around the room, im like HUH, and thats litr what he did, idk how to explain it in words omg but he pushed the chair around the run super fast while running, it was honestly really fun, but yea we all hung out for a bit and then i left for class, the entire time my friend was like he so likes you and you so like him, which was true
fast forward to a month later, we had another event, a filmmaking workshop this time. we was there the whole day, we made popcorns, he kept eating them, we played games, and i remember i was on campus till 8, pretty much eveyrone left but he stayed with me
now this is when things went downhill
about a week from this event, we texted me where are you, and then he asked me if i was free for 2 hrs that day, i told him yea im free after 4:30 and he asked my if i wanted to go somewhere with him, i knew he was taking me to his place so im like sure yea.
so we get there, and uh we were talking and he asked me "can i kiss you?", i said yea and ended up making out and then cuddling for about an hour
amazing kiss, btw
anyway i got hime, i was pretty tired, i went to bed and i woke up sometime in the middle of the night and hed texted me that i seemed off
now thing is, i liked him, but i wanst really expecting us to make out or anything, so i was a little taken aback, i didnt want him to not kiss me but yk i wanted us to get to know each other better, one step at a time
so yea fter that we started talking less and less, hed see me on campus but not say anything, we werent sending each other any reels or anything
and thats when i told my friend what went down, and the verdict was to end things with him
and i tried to, in a really messy way but i just didnt know what was going on, why was he avoiding me, and i NEEDED that closure or i just couldnt get over him, so i texted him
turns out he saw that i was acting off after the kiss and thought that he mightve forced himself on me, he felt guilty and couldnt face me, we talked it out and yea things were super awkward but yea, we were talking again, id told him that earlier we didnt know each other that well and so when my friend told me he wanted to ask me out, i started avoiding him, but things were differnet now
anyways, exams ended, i got an internship at the uni, so i was still gonna come and we were talking again, however, one random day he just ghosted me and things were getting so confusing so after liek 4 days i texted him dude u ghosted me, my friends were right about you, i never wanna see you again. i said a lot of hurtful stuff, cus i was confused and mad, but he replied "yea its okay, i dont think i was ready for a relationship anyway"
fucking broke my heart and i just didnt know what the hell was even going on, when things were going so perfectly, how did it all come crashing down in a few moments
and guess fucking what? olivia rodrigo's new album came out around that time so yea i was feeling completely shattered
next day was my day one of the internship and i had really bad transport issues, i asked my friends if anyone cpuld drop me home, but they couldnt
and i had no each other choice but to text him, i just knew even after what happened he would say yes, and he did
so this went on a couple day, hed sometimes drop me off and just one random day i texted him asking just what had happened between us, and yea we ended up talking for an hour and discussed eveyrthing
he said he always felt like he had to push eveyrthing forward and that i didnt want this, cus i was shy and introverted, he thought maybe i just wasnt interested in this anymore, like i mentioned earlier he talks a lot and wanted someone he could yap along with, but since i didnt he thought maybe i just didnt like him and obv that wasnt true i liked listenting to him yap on and i was shy because i really really liked him
and so after all this we decided to talk it out in person. however later that week the friend i was uspposed to go home with, was at anothe rfriends and it would take him about 2 hrs to get back and ofc i couldnt wait that long so i ended up texting up if he could drop me off, he said yea but sicne hed had an accidnet he couldnt drive for long, so we agreed on a cafe, and on the way we ended up talking it out, and yea we sorted eveyrthing, it was going well, and thats when we officially strated going on dates and all, HOWVER
after our second date, i felt like our connection wasnt genuine, yk? like i didnt know a lot aboout him and neither did he knwo a lot about me, so i was gonna text him about this, but another issue came up at uni, so i didnt.
howver, that allowed me to give it more time and i thought maybe we werent right for each after all, he tried, i tried but maybe we just werent compatible. but before i could talk to him about this, one of his closest friends pased away. and ofc that was no time to be talking about this.
so ofc i texted him, im here for him if he wants to talk or if he wants space thats perfectly alright too and he texted me that he just needed some time to digest it all
howver, a few days ago he texted me saying we need to end this, he is no position to be ina relationship atm, we tried making us work but then a lot of stuff happened, and since he was getting a job, he wouldnt have time for me (his shift is 6pm to 3am) and wanted to lmk in case he was making me wait and i replied with "sure" cus thats what i was gonna text him about anyway
im not upset or crying about this, we both wanted the same thing, it's just a little bittersweet, we had our ups and down but we both tried for each other
ive liked people before, ive been in relationships before but why was this one so different? eventhough i wanted to end things, i still want him, i still want to make us work
there's just one change this time, i dont wanna text him, about closure or anything, cus this time feels different
i know ill get over it, theres at least 2 months before classes start again, but how will i face him? idk, maybe im stronger than this
FIRST AND FOREMOST IM EXTREMELY SORRY FOR GHOSTING YALL, classes were just really overwhelming then exams, projects, presentations and honestly just people. in the midst of all this i kinda just lost the appetite yk to write, fortunately i didnt lose all my eternal love for fanfics, but yea i just didnt have the motivation to write.
however, im on summer vacs till late sept so yall can expect regular updates soooo IM BACKKK hope yall still remember me, and my works esp esp ever, ever after and do you remember me too. these two i believe are the sole reason im here today writing this, working on my drafts and all i wanna take this opportunity to thank everyone for their supprt and love, also guys somewhere in the past few months i hit 1500 followers so thank you so so much fir that.
nowww before i get into everything i wanna share a bit about what has been happening since the last time i uodated my fic
soo uni got unbearable, went thru some friend drama, made lots of new friends, had the most random guys crushing on me, me and my friends made this film club that was just awesome
and in the midst of allll this i met a guy, but yea thats a longgggggg story that i woukd love to share with yall, lmk if u want more deets, or anything yall are my babies
and one last reminder im so back bitches get ready for me
summary: sylus didn't love you. how could he when she was around? but would he come look for you if you willingly step into EVER's boundaries?
word count: 2.4k
a/n: ALRIGHT GIRLIES IM BACK! lets ignore it took me 826254822 years to write the next chapter. tbh i really needed a clear mind to continue with this fic PLUS ive finally started balancing uni and my hobbies and all. really hope and wish you ahvent forgotten this fic. ill try my best to update regularly from now. as always suggestions are welcome, lmk what you think! <3
read rest of the chapters here!
VIII
"Wait, what?" you managed to utter, your voice betraying you midway. The sound was thin and weak, lacking the control you usually possessed. You stared at her, your mind frantically cycling through possibilities, none of them good enough. "Why are you helping me?"
Mara started to speak, a familiar ease coming to her voice. "(Y/N), we're--"
"No, seriously. Not the whole 'we're friends' bullshit." You cut her off, the genuine bewilderment overriding your usual caution. The stakes were too high for pleasantries. "I've broken a thousand company policies by now. I've compromised confidential data, and now this project. I was talking to the Subject against strict protocol. Why would you risk your entire position, your life, your career, just to help me?"
Mara took a deep, visible breath, running a hand over her face before letting out a soft, exasperated sigh. She didn't launch into a quick lie or a deflection. Instead, she walked over to the small, worn office couch and sat down, motioning for you to do the same.
"I'm not stupid, (Y/N)," she stated, her voice calm but firm.
You frowned, tilting your head in a silent, questioning "Huh?"
Mara licked her dry lips, her eyes fixed on you with an unsettling intensity. "It might come as a surprise to you, Y/N, but I too have the ability to put two and two together." She paused, letting the silence hang. "Did you seriously think you could act that way around the Subject, day after day, and no one, absolutely no one, would notice?"
"Mara, what are you--" you started, but she held up a hand, silencing you again.
"I know you know him somehow. You have history, deep history, I can tell by the way you guys act around each other. The way he looked at you through the glass," she shuddered faintly, "was not the look a prisoner gives a random lab tech. And the way you looked at him when you thought no one was watching? That was not professional curiosity, doctor."
She paused, allowing her words to sink in. "Whatever game you're playing with yourself needs to stop now, (Y/N). You clearly want to help him," she motioned around the dim office, indicating the risk you were both taking. "And if you want to help him, you need to go all the way. I'm not risking my life for your pride."
You recoiled, shaking your head immediately, denying the truth as much for her benefit as for your own. The word help felt like a betrayal of the two years you’d spent building your new life.
"Woah, Mara, slow down. I'm not helping him."
Mara’s eyebrow arched, her expression shifting from firm resolution to skepticism. "Then what exactly were you doing? Breaking into a colleague's office in the middle of the night, risking your job and possibly prosecution? What did that mean, (Y/N)?"
You forced yourself to hold her gaze, desperately scrambling for a lie you could live with, one that preserved the distance you had fought so hard to create. "I'm just soothing my curiosity, you are right. We know each other, but I'm not helping him."
Mara visibly looked bewildered, staring at you with confusion plastered all over her face. Your lie, though carefully constructed, was clearly not what she had expected. The cold professionalism she had adopted earlier began to crack, replaced by genuine, frustrated disbelief. She didn't reply, simply watched you, and the silence stretched tight and awkward.
You took the opportunity, turning swiftly toward the door. The immediate crisis of being discovered was over, but the anxiety of her knowledge was too much to bear. It was time to leave.
Just as your fingers brushed the cold metal of the door handle, Mara’s voice cut through the silence, sharp and arresting. "Do you know what they're gonna do with the Evol fragment?"
You stopped in your tracks, your hand frozen. The question was not a plea, but a sort of warning. You slowly turned back, acknowledging the fact that you could not simply walk away from that.
Mara rose from the couch, her gaze intense. "They'll weaponize it. Not just as a bomb, (Y/N). They don't think that small. They’re building a device capable of disrupting the kinetic energy systems of every single Evolver within a hundred-mile radius. Think about that. They won't just neutralize the N109 Zone; they'll turn every living creature in the city, Hunter or criminal, into ashes. The fragment is the core mechanism. It’s the greatest, most powerful weapon known to mankind, designed to enforce utter, absolute control. This isn't about him anymore. This is about handing an organization like EVER the power to render entire populations inert, without firing a single shot. This is about power consolidation on a scale that will make the N109 Zone’s crimes look like petty theft!"
You couldn't speak. You stood there, silent, your mouth dry. How do you reply to something like that? The horrifying scale of the plan was immense, yet it didn't surprise you. You had worked at EVER for over two years; you had learned to think like them, to recognize the terrifying ambition. You knew they'd come up with something truly great and remarkable in its complexity, but utterly and devastatingly destructive in its impact.
As Mara stepped closer, the harsh light of the office caught her face, and you saw it. You were sure you weren’t mistaken. Tears were glistening in her eyes. It was a complete fracturing of the composed mask she usually wore. Sure, things were not going great, the fate of entire populations hung in the balance, but you never expected Mara, the sharp-witted colleague, to cry. Maybe she was scared? But deep down, you knew you were too. Her visible terror was a mirror to your own internal dread.
"I don't know what you want me to do, Mara," you spoke softly, the words barely a whisper. You didn't have the guts to speak out loud, afraid of shattering the fragile, charged quiet of the office. Something about seeing those tears, seeing her break under the immense weight of EVER's ambition, oddly soothed something inside you. It confirmed that you weren't crazy, this was a terror that transcended professional boundaries.
She blinked once, and the tears were gone, ruthlessly swept away by a sudden surge of control. She used the back of her hand to swipe quickly under her eyes, a motion so quick it felt almost dismissive of her momentary weakness. You really couldn't read her now, her face was a display of conflicting emotions.
"You know exactly what needs to be done, Y/N," she stated, her voice tight, vibrating with suppressed fury. She didn't move yet, holding her ground opposite you, her intense gaze daring you to deny the truth of the situation. "But I can't do it alone, and you just don't wanna do it at all."
She finally broke the stare, turning her back to you with an exasperated movement. She didn't pace, instead, she went to her desk, braced her hands on the cool metal edge, her head hanging for a moment as she fought for composure. You could definitely feel the air become charged, thick with unspoken tension and danger. There was something different now. She appeared mad, pissed, frustrated, and deeply desperate. Her earlier cynicism had evaporated, leaving behind raw, dangerous emotions.
You watched her, the silence now a suffocating weight. You had to end it somehow, or the sheer horror of the plan would swallow both of you. "Mara," you began, trying to inject some logic into the escalating situation. "If you know all this, I'm guessing everyone on the project does too. Are you saying something of that scale is about to happen, no one else gives a shit, and now the fate of the world lies on us?"
Mara stopped, her shoulders immediately straightening. She slowly turned back to you, her tear-filled eyes now burning with a cold rage, every muscle in her face tense. She didn't need to speak. Her expression, raw and furious, was enough of an answer.
The project members knew. And they were either too scared, too complicit, or too ethically compromised to care. The crushing reality settled on you. You had tried to escape Sylus's deadly world, only to find yourself cornered by a greater, more cold-blooded evil, and the only person standing beside you was a colleague whose motives were still shrouded in ambiguity.
You sat there for a long moment, simply breathing, trying to pull your scattered thoughts into something comprehensible.
What were you going to do now?
The question was a desperate, looping mantra in your mind. You had been happy in your new life. Everything was perfect, like a complex puzzle where every piece fit exactly, every equation balanced precisely. And now, you hated to say it, hated to even think about it, it felt like a blasphemous thought, but you missed your pathetic life at the N109 Zone. At least there, the threats were clear, the rules were known. You could fix every mistake or just run away from it. You could never have fathomed things would escalate to this.
What were you even supposed to do? Would destroying the fragment fix anything? Even if it did, how would you deal with EVER? You were a single, highly specialized engineer against a global conglomerate with limitless resources and zero ethics. But in the midst of it all, a cold, clear clarity was beginning to set in. You were starting to see how things were going to end for you. Deep down, you just knew. No matter what choice you made, what path you took, your life, as you had meticulously built it, was already over. There was no future for you.
You pushed the existential dread aside, focusing your gaze. Your eyes landed on Mara. She had moved away from the tense posture at the desk and was now actually sitting, elbows propped up, hands covering her face. You couldn't see her expression, but you could tell she was crying by the slight, rhythmic tremble of her shoulders. The sight of her broken state forced the internal monologue to halt. Her pain, her fear, was real.
A new, complicated question formed. Who were you going to do this for? Was it for Sylus, the man who controlled you with a look? For Mara, the woman whose motives were conveniently unknown? For yourself? Or for 'the greater good', a concept that felt hopelessly abstract?
You took a deep, shuddering breath, the first steady one you’d managed in minutes. The answer, you realized, didn't matter right now. Only the action did.
"Mara," you said, forcing the words out, the volume slightly louder this time. "What are we supposed to do now?"
She didn't immediately reply, only a muffled sniffle escaping her hands. You waited, the silence stretching into uncomfortable minutes. You were about to repeat yourself, unsure if she had even heard you over the sound of her own distress, when she finally spoke up, her voice rough and thick, still muffled by her hands.
"The subject needs to retrieve his Evol fragment before it can be replicated."
"Okay," you said, pushing off the couch, your analytical side instantly taking the lead. You crossed the small space, moving to stand beside the desk, your gaze already seeking out her computer screen. "Sounds simple enough. How are we going to do that? And more importantly, how do we know when it’s going to get replicated? We need a time window."
The sound of your focused, professional tone instantly pulled Mara out of her distress. She stopped crying abruptly, her hands dropping away from her face. Her eyes, still red-rimmed, focused on you with a glimmer of disbelief.
"You'll help me?"
"Uh, I don't know about 'helping you'," you corrected immediately, maintaining the necessary distance. You still didn't trust her, and you certainly weren't signing up for a partnership. "But I do not want the world to end, Mara, especially knowing I could have done something to stop this, so yeah."
A wave of relief, or perhaps fierce determination, washed over Mara’s face. She frantically got up from her desk, wiping her face quickly with the back of her hand. Her movements were sudden and jerky, betraying her deep anxiety. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet," she confessed, her voice strained. "I just knew we had to stop them from replicating it. The time schedule is buried deep in Voss's terminal, probably encrypted. I just need to hack it somehow." She frantically started typing on her keyboard.
That was quick.
You strode toward the desk. "Let me help. My clearance isn't high enough for Voss’s main files, but I’ve got better system architecture knowledge. I can run a decryption script against the server logs while you check the physical files."
Mara immediately shook her head. "No. Your workstation is too exposed, and my terminal has the deepest security clearance we can use without triggering a red alert. If you try to decrypt the files manually, they'll know."
She logged onto her computer with practiced speed. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, pulling up various files, reports, plasma analysis data. She scrolled through reports, her brow furrowed in concentration, searching for the key piece of data.
TING! TING!
A notification sound cut through the tense atmosphere. Your phone, resting on the desk beside your tablet, had received a text message. You ignored it, your gaze fixed on Mara.
A couple of minutes passed in tense silence, broken only by the rapid clicking of Mara's keys and her muttered frustrations. Then, as if she suddenly remembered a critical detail, she stopped scrolling.
"Wait a minute," she murmured. She glanced at the bank of drawers built into her desk, her eyes widening slightly. "Voss is old school sometimes. He often prints things he doesn't want logged... especially for a high-value project like this."
She turned to you. "Look for the blue folder. Check the third desk drawer down, on the right. It should be labeled PU."
You immediately moved to the drawer, yanked it open and began sifting through notebooks and file tabs.
TING! TING!
The notifications came again, silencing through the quiet. Mara looked up from her screen, her attention briefly pulled away from the urgency of the task. "It's okay, you can check that. I can look for the files myself."
Reluctantly, you got your phone out. It was a minor distraction, but ignoring it twice had only increased the volume of the noise. The lock screen showed two texts from an unknown number.
Unknown: Sweetie.
Unknown: You might wanna consider maintaining distance from that friend of yours.
still unable to add anyone else into the taglist, so yeah
You sure you logged in using the same way you did the last time? Like was it through infold account of via gmail or something
my impatient ass didnt even see what i was logging into, ive got three accounts, infold, gmail and fb all using the same email so i was confused as hell LMAO
im genuinely so fucking mad right now i was so pissed off last night over smth but now isnt this just the cherry on top
i logged in to lads after a month or so and then they started asking me to create my avatar or whatever and im like okayyyy weird but maybe its cus i havent logged in for a while and then i got that whole ass intro scene and im like hmmmmm whatever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PROGRESS? MY MEMORY CARDS PROTOCORE OUTFITS BASICLLY EVEYRTHING WHERE IS IT HELLO IM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW
i quit this fuckass game i swear
edit: everything's good im just impatient and blind
The funny thing with my friend is that they were low-key high key flirting on ig notes but would not talk to each other irl unless school related. But then, while my friend was basically ranting and panic messaging me about the ig notes flirting, the guy messaged me asking me how he should talk to my friend. And I basically just told ne just go for it, and he did. My friend left him in read for a bit cause she was panicking. Yeah.
Personally I think you should make the moves but like start small.
IM ROOTING FOR YOU!!!!
so me and my friends are making this film club/society and once its confirmed, finalised and shit, im sooo gonna use this opportunity to talk to him like "heyyy do you wanna join our club" blah blah and i just hope to god he says yes cus theres absolutelly no other way i can approach him. my introverted ass is shaking already.
i havent even considered the possibility that he might in fact not be single 😐😐
I'm feeding your delusions girly!! The universe is trying to say something to you!! Something like this happened to my friend. According to her, every grouped project we have that isn't make your own group, she is always grouped with this one guy. Doesn't matter the subject, if they are classmates they will be grouped together... long story short: they're dating now
ooo thats so sweet! the universe def had plans for them
as for me, he isnt in my group :/ BUT i had a presentation yesterday and boy oh boy why does he stare like that like i really hope i wasnt blushing that bad, and then later we were outside studying for a test and boyyy OMG i really wanna talk to him
should i make the first move or just wait for him to?
okay so im DYING to let this out. i havent been able to tell anyone at uni, my sister or basically just anyone in general.
so its this pretty common thing where you seem to have "unlocked" a certain person at uni yk. you see them once and then POOF they're everywhere.
sooooo i was in my class and the prof was going on like i wont mind if you step out for a sec to take a call or to get coffee or smth and then at that very moment i heard someone get up and walk out. i looked up and its this guy. lets call him mango.
then next day, there's these two compulsory courses you gotta take here in my country no matter what youre majoring in. so i was on my way to one of these classes and there he is. mango, sitting right in front of me.
but ofc no biggie, its a compulsory course after all.
then next class, surprise surprise hes right there.
and then next fucking day, he was supposed to be in class but didnt come, so i think maybe hes skipping or whatever. so im omw to my programming class, im looking for the room and OH GOD hes in there, alone, working on some assignment.
he looks up as i come in and asked me "you have a class here?" and i go "hmm" bitch what is 'hmm'????? anyways he asks me which one and i say programming and then his friends come in and he leaves with them.
ok next class is one of those compulsory courses again. all my friends were in a diff section so i find a seat right at front and get my notebook out and start going through my notes. guess who comes in? MANGO. AND HES NOT EVEN IN MY SECTION. so he he explains to the prof that i just wanna take this class and leave early and shes like yea sure just find a seat. guess where he sits? NEXT TO ME. well not exactly next to me, he put his bag in the chair between us. but like thats basic uni courtesy, you dont sit right next to a random person, right? RIGHT?
anyways, next day. i step on campus, first person i see? yep you guessed it right. then mango is once again in that compulsory lecture. then i went to get coffee, mr mango comes in with his friends, then i leave for class, hes got the same class, then i left to get rackets to play badminton, he comes in like a minute later.
now in all this time, im starting to develop a teeny tiny crush on him. and i was able to confirm it the day when i looked in the class and saw him sitting alone, working on his laptop. hes tall, brunette, cute. come on.
ok so fast forward to this week. theres this other guy, and i always suspected they were brothers, cus they look kinda alike and were ALWAYS together. i have absolutely no way to confirm whether they are or not, but they got the same last names so. anyways, ive often found this dude staring at me, and its one of those blank stares where it looks like he other person is zoned out but he clearly isnt. idky im mentioning this, just seemed relevant.
ANYWAYS so todayyyy, i was outside sitting with my friends. it was getting pretty close to class so im like im gonna leave first and save seats for yall. so im going in and hes coming out. but he reached the door first and steps aside, and my slow ass is still at the steps. mind you there are literally just 3 steps and im not even trying to speed up, and i cant even look up cus im SHY AF and what if hes looking too? i cannot afford any more eye contact with him. whenever our eyes meet, i can actually physically feel my cheeks heat up and i dont want anyone to see that.
I HAVE OFFICIALLY GONE CRAZY! i have ofc caught him looking at me, but that was when i hadnt yet stepped in the danger zone and could actually look up if he was passing by.
how could i forget the most important bit? so i was noticing this weird smell in some of my classes, like a polished car seat. and i couldnt exactly tell whose deodorant it was or if it wa sthe scent of any other product they use. but i noticed it one time he walked past me. IT WAS COMING FROM HIM! and it wanst disgusting, but im generally very sensitive to smells. so i either start sneezing or get a heck of a headache.
so whenever he was sitting close or walking past me, id pull the edward move.
and i just noticed it today, but i didnt smell it today or even yesterday (he sat next to me again, this time we were separated by my bag) and i also caught a sneak peak at his hands. DUDEEEE his nails were filed so perfectly, like i swear an angel did that job cus no way.
I DONT KNOWWWW my delulu ass is romanticising anything he does. now i know for sure he doesnt like me, not one bit. he just looks at me cus he knows i like him, which i doubt cus your girl may be tweaking but i never let it show, OR he just finds me weird as in 'oh yeah thats the girl that keeps staring at me'
so basically hes in almost all of my classes, which could be a perfect opportunity to stare right???? NO cus i sit at the very front and he doesnt, the only time i can look is if he answers smth.
anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk. ill lyk if there are any updates.
I'm rereading "Ever, ever after" bc wtf, it's so good 😭
Also, pls take care of urself!! UNI is pain, so u gotta make sure the rest of you is happy!!!!
//much love from a university survivor💀🩷
hiiiiii bbg!
honestly it just makes my day when i see ppl rereading my stuff cus i only reread top tier stuff ive come across. so its more of like an unsaid compliment for me <333
UNI IS KILLING ME! i literally do not have the time for ANYTHING atm. i do have a bunch of drafts just lying around.
im so so sorry i havent been able to update anything for a while now ESPECIALLY "do you remember me too" i just saw its been months (WHAAA where'd the time go)
ive got assignments and quizzes pilling up and the only thing i can manage to find time for is sleep. like thats all i do these days. ill try my best to update smth atleast this week.
hwo tf do people find the time to go out with friends, party, basically have a social life? and how tf does everyone know eachother on the FIRST FUCKING DAY? i swear its only been a week and i already fucking hate this place. and do you know whats worse? im not even studying what i like. maybe if i was, i wouldnt be crashing out right now.
idk if yall are going to see this or not, but i just noticed i had $50 in my patreon. i was super confused cus i removed the membership and even paused billing and shit. turns out there were still 5 active members that were charged for this month. so if youre seeing this, dont worry ive refunded all of you and to prevent it from happening again, i blocked you since i didnt know how else to remove you guys. sorry for any trouble!! <3
DONT MAKE ME CRYYY ill be back i promise 😭 literally all ive been doing these days is reading dps fanfics and just doing random shit. ive also taken up to watching all those movies i used to avoid just cus they had sad endings. im gonna be a tad bit busy this week but new update coming on monday PROMISE ❤️❤️❤️❤️
