Not a request for help, just informative stuff.
Guys, I know I havenât posted anything for a long time, but starting sometime around last summer, several things happened in my life that traumatized me very deeply (no it's not fckin âimmigrant melancholy'', iâm glad I live in a new place. Itâs just life: if something goes well for you, you have to give something up in return. And apparently, in my case, that something is my mental state).
I tried to turn a blind eye to it and act the way I used to, but it gradually piled up, and now Iâm feel like every day I wake up and keep repeating to myself that I have to live, otherwise I will never be able to move the part of the familyâ whom I left and whoâs slowly dying among that savages â to a safe place.Â
Besides, if something happens to me, with my current status, my body will be deported back to that savage place, the last thing I would want is to have anything to do with it. Hah. So I just trying to exist and do my part-time job contracts, and watching on mountains.
I think I need help, but you know my nature: instead of looking and paying for an English-speaking specialist, I prefer to spend my savings on expensive 3D production software and disappear into it in the evenings in loneliness with a glass of whiskey.
And honestly, during this time Iâve lost interest in many things, videogames in particular. I can hardly force myself to play them, even though I need to, at least for the context. It really scares me. Iâve been a geek my whole life, and I donât want to become someone else.
At the moment, the only thing Iâm fully maintaining is my YouTube blog, so that I have some kind of goal. Besides, it generally involves one-way interaction, since right now I canât properly communicate with people â for their own good (I could hurt them not even realizing it).
During this time, Iâve made several works following my so-called tutorials. Maybe Iâll start posting them later. And thank you for waiting patiently and not going away. I will definitely crawl out of this shit. Someday.
Just wanna ask you not to reply to this post por favor, and not to DM me (only in case if you need consulting about 3D models and ripped stuff). Iâm not looking for attention or support and definitely donât want anyone to pity me, or any other bullshit like that. Iâm simply informing you, so you can understand why I appear so seldom now.
Thank you.









