Diavolo (wanders into the House of Lamentation, finding everyone dressed in black): What's going on here?
Belphegor: We’re holding a funeral for Mammon’s hamster.
Diavolo: Oh dear, I didn’t come prepared! No proper attire, and I didn’t bring any flowers.
Belphegor: It’s alright, Diavolo. This is more for Mammon’s sake than anyone else’s. Just take a seat; the service is about to start.
Diavolo looks around: Lucifer looks irritated, Satan and Levi are still digging a hole, Belphie is comforting a sobbing Beel, and Mammon approaches the podium. Diavolo sits next to Lucifer.
Mammon (sniffles): Thank you all for coming to Lucky’s funeral. He was a special guy, even if you didn’t know him.
Lucifer: Diavolo, what brings you here?
Diavolo: I was just stopping by because I was bored. I didn’t know there was a funeral. I’m sorry.
Lucifer: Don’t worry about it. It’s for a hamster.
Diavolo: How did it die?
Lucifer: Beel sat on him.
Diavolo: struggling to contain laughter
Lucifer: Do not laugh. Beel and Mammon are very emotional right now.
Mammon (voice trembling): Lucky had a great life. He loved Cheetos and running on his wheel. But now, thanks to “Beel’s fat ass!” he’s gone.
Asmodeus: Mammon! That’s not cool.
Belphegor: Hey, cut it out. He didn’t mean to!
Mammon (pointing at Beelzebub): Did you hear him cry out, Beel?! Huh? I’m sure you didn’t, because your fat ass muffled his cries!
Beelzebub runs out of the garden, devastated.
Mammon (drops to his knees, looking up at the sky, crying): They took you too soon, Lucky! You deserved a glorious death, not to be squashed by a pair of cheeks!
Lucifer: Alright, that’s enough. Boys, put the hamster in the ground.
Diavolo: He really loved that hamster, huh? How long did he have it?
Lucifer: A day...
Mammon (throws himself onto Lucky’s grave): LUCKY, I WILL AVENGE YOU!
Based on a request by 💌 anon on how Sylus might react if he finds out you’re ovulating…
tw: female reader, talk of ovulation, implied breeding kink, Sylus has a strong reaction to the news, mention of birth control, NSFW throughout but part two will be worse 😈
Part Two
Fragrant water sloshed over the edge of the tub, your skin slippery from the concoction of essential oils added earlier in the hope of relieving your aches and pains. Your hand slid against your body, glossing over hardened nipples and dipping past your navel towards the dull, throbbing ache between your legs.
Your eyes remained stubbornly closed, thoughts of the debauched nature swirling in a vortex of crimson and obsidian feathers. God, you wished you could admit everything to him… admit that you were struggling, but it wouldn’t be fair to press your burdens onto Sylus.
That was why you had avoided him as much as you could. Why you had dodged the touches he tried to brush against your skin, worried that one touch alone would be enough to give the game away. That he would know from the blazing heat of your skin that things were not as they seemed.
You knew it bothered him, not that he had said anything on the subject, but it was only a matter of time. Sylus was not one to be denied.
As if summoned by thought alone, a sharp knock punctuated your daydreaming. Sinking lower into the tub until your chin hit the waterline, you listened as the low rumble of Sylus’s voice drifted through the door.
“Can I come in, sweetie?”
A tiny part of you wanted to refuse him, but that would be cruel, and cruelty was not a part of your nature, not even in your current state.
Vermillion eyes locked with yours, curious and if you weren’t mistaken, concerned. Sylus sat on the edge of the bath, his back resting on the ceramic tiles whilst he cocked his head and let out a weary breath.
“For a minute, I didn’t think you would let me in,” he admitted whilst carefully rolling the sleeves of his shirt to the elbows. “You’ve been avoiding me, kitten, why?”
You glanced off to the side, heat warmed your cheeks at the accusation. How did you tell him that it was for his own good? He didn’t need you distracting him unnecessarily with wants that made you blush and squirm with embarrassment.
Splash…
His strong hand plunged into the steaming water and wrapped around your ankle. He thumbed across your ankle bone delicately, long fingers splayed around your heel and towards your arch.
“Talk to me.”
The words were followed up with a squeeze of his hand, eliciting a moan that you couldn’t suppress. The corner of Sylus’s mouth twitched upward into a subtle smile, his grasp loosening to run the length of your calf.
“Sylus… I—it doesn’t matter. I’ll be okay, in a few days I’ll be back to my old self.”
“A few days? Nuh-uh, sweetie… I am not prepared to wait so long and I am certainly not willingly to have you continue to avoid me. What’s wrong? Are you sick?” He asked, brow furrowed and the first tendrils of his power leaked out to wash over you.
The power called to your own, entwined around each other in a lovers embrace, twisting and writhing. You weren’t sure if he felt it too, though if you were more present of mind you might have noticed how his breathing had turned shallow and his fingers had stopped massaging calf.
You licked over your parched lips. Gaze low-lidded as desire overrode your previous reservations.
“I’m… can you not look at me like that whilst I tell you this? It’s not helping.”
“Looking at you like what?”
“Like you’re going to devour me whole.”
Sylus huffed a laugh. “I just might, but fine. I’ll close my eyes, how about that?”
He was so handsome and that was certainly a large part of the problem. You’d lost count to the number of times you had fantasised about him soothing the ache in your belly. A large palm pressed against your soft belly whilst he thrust into your hot, wet cunt. His silver hair tickling your shoulder as he marked the skin of your neck, blowing cool air across the blooming bruises. Filling you up over and over until sleep took you hostage and you could happily drown in the fatigue of overused muscles.
“I’m ovulating,” you finally conceded, rushing on to explain. “It makes me feel needy. My body is hypersensitive. I’m prone to my emotions getting the better of me. Picking fights over nothing. Letting jealousy win. It’s a lot and I’m trying not to let it affect you…”
There was a weighty silence, filled only with the gentle sway of the water, and then it was broken.
“Ovulating. You’re… shit—well, that explains a thing or two.”
His eyes were positively glowing. His jaw set into an expression of pure agony. If looks could inflict damage you knew you’d be bloody beneath his dangerous maw.
Sylus was pure predator and you were the only prey he ever wanted to both consume and protect.
“Soft or rough?”
The question didn’t make sense and you frowned in confusion, nose wrinkled.
He answered by submerging his arm into the tub, right between your legs. Not even your attempt at closing your knees together would hinder his progress, not until he cupped your sex.
“I am giving you a choice,” he grit out, jaw flexing, “on how the next few hours are going to go. Either way, you will be asleep in my arms and content by the time I’m finished.”
“Oh, Sylus~”
Sylus groaned. His middle finger rubbed along your slit swollen with heat and desire, dipping through the hot flesh like a knife through butter.
“Don’t. Don’t say my name like that or I’ll make the decision for you,” he warned.
Saliva filled your mouth, runny and hot. “Rough,” you purred, letting your pussy answer for you. “But Sylus… I’m not on birth control right now.”
Sylus, who had started to rise to his feet with his arm dripping and his shirt sleeve dark with water, paused. He turned his gaze on you once more and your spine arched off the porcelain tub, nipples peaked and swollen emerged from the fragrant water.
“Stop talking, princess. I’m already a hair away from plucking you from the water and taking you on the bathroom floor like a dog.”
He strode for the door, ripping it open with such force that you shuddered.
“Five minutes. You have five minutes to get out and get onto all fours on our bed. I want to see my pretty pussy glistening and ready for me… maybe I’ll fuck a baby into you, if you’re lucky.”
You asked for rough… you were going to get it.
an: part two coming soon… dividers by @/roseschoices
Tim: Synonyms are weird because if I invite you to my cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you're going to die.
Dick: My favorite is explaining the different between a 'butt dial' and a 'booty call'.
Damian: It's called connotations.
Jason: Try this one for size——'Forgive me, Father, I have sinned' versus 'Sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty'.
IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.
You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.
My flat-mate’s date for the night was almost as drunk as her. She had passed out in her room and locked the door. He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex. He also demanded food because he was dealing with “whiskey dick”. He didn’t like the lack of food in the fridge. I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the “order” was taking. He took my phone, demanded they “hurry the fuck up”. Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report. Pressing charges wasn’t necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me. Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison. The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen.
This was 14 years ago.
Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can. The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:
“If he’s drunk say you want mushrooms.” I said I want extra mushrooms.
“If he’s threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.” I said I want onions.
She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if he’s blonde, black olives if he’s tall, extra large if he’s tall, etc.
They’ve heard this sort of coded call before. They’re trained for it. They will understand what you’re saying. Order the pizza.
Really though. I’m in training for dispatch and this was one of the first things they taught us. Pretend you’re talking to a friend or relative, pretend you’re ordering pizza, we’ll figure it out. We’ll word questions so you can answer in an easy, casual way. Please, just make the call and we will do everything we can to help you.
I know this probably won't help me at this very second but it can help in the long run. Just in case this might happen to you or someone you might know, remember this pizza dispatch hack to help save your life or a friend's.
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