kari

New York 💗

[manicpixiepoetry]

My 20's are moving too fast. Everybody's so grown up now, and we all sit and talk about how life seemed to move so much slower when we were kids, lord how the world was so much bigger, and brighter back then. I've spent the last few years wondering why that is. I think I figured it out tonight at the intersection where that old blind man sells his handcrafted birdhouses.

It rained all day. The roads are wet, and glowing. The stoplight illuminated the traffic lines and for a split second I was 14. In the back of my moms old dodge. But then the light turned green, and I'm 22 again. Driving home from the grocery store.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, the world wasn't bigger. Or brighter. It didn't move any slower. We just had so much more time to stop and appreciate the rain.

[craftdenim]

[findingwordsforthoughts]

“i don’t think we need to know someone loves us, i think we need to know they love us enough - - enough to stay when it gets tough; - enough to sit with us in the er, at the doctor’s office, in bed at night when air in our lungs feels like fire and breathing is the world’s most difficult challenge; - enough to watch us sleep, and eat, and work and just exist, because our very existence is a form of magic and they want to see our being unfold, a painting painting itself, even on days when the artist is not present; - enough to listen to the stories we’ve already told and laugh at the same jokes, enough to tell us they love us - over and over again, because words do not become worn out if you speak them right; - enough to hold our hand when it is sweaty and look at rashes on our skin, enough to accept the not-pretty because they see so much fucking beauty surrounding it; - enough to not hurt us, to choose us some days and other days to pretend they have, pretend well and lie well and sometimes dishonesty is a greatest kindness you can give to a human being, - enough, - enough for us to feel safe and loved, and the thing is - enough is different for everyone, for some people it takes an ocean, vastness to be immersed into, for others it takes a river - direction and current and a sense of being taken away, and for a few, a few hiding in plain sight, it takes rain - some days we need a drizzle, others a shower that soaks the ground, and sometimes we need drought - to become again desert, sand and sun and scorched ground, to go back to the earth we came from, to breathe in air that feels like fire and exhale flames.”

— marina v., gurf’a (the amount of water that can be held in one hand). 

[writinghurricanes]

“Everyone has different personalities hidden inside of them. It’s no secret. We are all formed of smaller galaxies, that we take out and put on as coats whenever we see fit. It’s no shame. I have that. We all do. It’s no strangeness. I let some people see the summer rain in me, the warm coffee in me, the dusty old books, the smiles that feel like warm sunshine on my face. That’s the galaxy full of bright stars you just want to dive in. I let other people see the hurricane, the wolf blood, the sharp bites and whiskey smirks. That’s the galaxy not many explore, the side you don’t venture into because you want to. I perhaps have thousands of little universes like these that I bring out whenever I feel like it. I am not a chameleon, I don’t adapt to what’s asked of me. I just like to think that I’m not simple enough to be defined by one single thing. But every galaxy has its black holes. The one thing you don’t talk about, the one you keep hidden and pretend it doesn’t exist. I feel like the person I become when I get close to the black hole isn’t who I am. I see it as another person, completely separated from me. I keep her in a locked room. Or perhaps I don’t keep her, perhaps she has caged herself there, in a prison of her own making. She is sad. She is a weeping sky. She is angry. She is an unmerciful tsunami. She is mad. And she scares me. I don’t let her out. In fact, I think I have no control over her whatsoever. She comes out whenever she wants and she does what she wants once she’s out. She cries, she yells, she laughs, she scares. She scratches on the walls of my mind as a warning before she erupts. But she doesn’t stay too long. She never does. Maybe she just gets lonely in there, all by herself, and wants to make sure I haven’t forgotten her. We all have universes, stars, dangerous planets and black holes. Perhaps I am made of books full of raindrops and hunger and feathers and broken wings sparrows. Made of going but never leaving. Of had enough’s and trying too hard. Of cigarette smoke and poison and storms. Of poetry and spilled ink. Of shy mornings and midnight thunders. But do I ever think that makes me original or special or different? Not even for a second.”

—

writinghurricanes, shades of blue (via shareaquote)

OOH MY GOD YOU GUYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE NOTES HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!! SHOUT OUT TO shareaquote FOR POSTING MY WRITING!!!!! 

(via writinghurricanes)

[i-wrotethisforme]

My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I don’t talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids. And I haven’t found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriend’s mom’s. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, it’s comforting to know there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

[i-wrotethisforme]

My PIN number to this day is my second grade best friends birthday. There are people I don’t talk to anymore whose families are still in my prayers. There are shirts I wear to bed from exes of 8 years ago who are married now with kids. And I haven’t found a macaroni salad recipe better than my college boyfriend’s mom’s. Our lives are made up of so many people and when people become parts of our lives, some parts remain long after they leave. And in the same exact way, it’s comforting to know there are so many lives you’re still a part of that you have no idea about.

[romanticnihilists]

[conscious-love]

Try not to focus on “letting go,” but rather, just let it be. Accept the situation as it is. The breakup, the pain — all of it. This is your reality right now. Don’t resist it. Feel all that you need to feel, learn all its lessons. Let this experience teach you about people, love, relationships, life, and especially about yourself. Breakups are an incredible opportunity for self-awareness and growth in general.

The breakup is causing you pain, but don’t prolong this pain by attaching yourself to the role of “heartbroken and stuck.” See yourself as healing, as simply experiencing life. Go with the flow; let the pain flow through you and carry you through the necessary stages of grief. The more you fight it, the longer it takes. Breakups don’t need to make us bitter. Breakups can make us better. Don’t struggle to let it go, just let it be and the pain will let go of you.

♡ Bella Love ☆ 15.03.2018

[conscious-love]

Abandonment sucks. You lose faith in people, question your worth, lose trust in yourself, and so on. I find that the important thing to remember when this happens is that it’s not a reflection of you as a person. There is no such thing as rejection, only redirection. Nobody rejects you, they simply prioritize other things over you. That sounds harsh, but here’s why you shouldn’t take “rejection” personally. It’s not about you. It’s about their current needs and where they are in life. All this means is that as things are right now, you are not “for” them. If the two of you are not meant to be together in this moment, you will separate like oil and water. Their needs are not matching up with yours. This is a difference in philosophies, values, goals, common interests, current lessons being learned. You’re just not for them. They’re not for you. That doesn’t mean you’re worth any less, that there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re unloveable. It just means you aren’t compatible with them (or you were, but aren’t anymore.) It’s not a reflection of you, it’s an indication of where you’re both at in life, and right now, you’re on separate paths. They chose to leave for their own reasons. Even if they think it’s about you, it’s not. It’s about what they want, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We get to choose who we date. You’re a worthy and incredible person all on your own. You don’t exist to be liked or loved. Focus more on liking than on being liked, and learn not to take “rejection” personally. There is no rejection, only redirection. Your people will find you. In order to make room for the new, the old has got to go. To quote Eckhart Tolle, some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.

Moving On

[vibingandstriving]

Having been in both positions, yes. It’s about pursuing what’s best for you, not commenting on someone’s value.

I’ve never left someone cause they were unworthy. It just wasn’t right for me. And I don’t hold anything against those who left me, because they were just making room for something better for them. I did the same. We just want what’s best for ourselves

[conscious-love]

☝️

[celesteapollon]

And the truth is, I have a habit of trying to fix things beyond repair because I simply cannot accept the fact that they’ve run their course. I’m terrified of coming to terms with the idea that some things in life are just temporary and we’re left with no choice but to move on.

- why i tried to fix us, cece (melancholicwritings)

[stories-i-will-never-write]

“People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you”, we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you”. We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures, if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want to guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep the music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to please each other. We just want love. In any and every form. — John Mayer”

— More relatable quotes about life here (via thelovewhisperer)

[ilyimsorryplsforgivemethanku]

excerpts from How to Be Perfect by Ron Padgett

[ninasdrafts]

- on leaving

by ninasdrafts

[datinganonion]

“You deserve to feel whole again. You deserve to reignite the light in your eyes that you lost the day you met them. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin again, and you deserve to take back ownership of the body that someone else forced you to let them control. You deserve to have dreams and goals and big plans for your future, even if for right now, those plans only involve you. You deserve to let yourself be selfish for a while. Do all of the things that you love without worrying about someone else’s opinion of them. Dye your hair your favorite color, and relish in the fact that they would probably hate it. Wear your favorite clothing and patterns and prints and know that for the first time in a long time, the only person you are dressing for is you. You are doing everything for you. You deserve to embrace the person you were before them. You deserve to remind yourself of just how worthy of a wonderful life you are. You did not deserve the abuse you endured. There was nothing you did or could have done to make you deserving of that kind of treatment. Take care, and remind yourself that the abuse you suffered from this person was never a reflection of who you were as a person. You were not abused because you were weak or because you deserved to be punished. Their abuse was something they chose to inflict on you. They took advantage of you. You cannot change a person who does not want to get better, but you, you will be able to change because you want to get better. You did not choose to be abused, and you did not choose to bear all of this trauma. But, you have the power to choose how you will recover from it all.”

— (x)

[worldsofstarlight]

“In another part of this universe, there are people milling around, going in and out of their houses, timing in and out of their works, smiling and talking at strangers, walking slowly across the streets, holding their keys and driving their cars, singing and dancing at some crowded parks, sitting and reading a book in a deserted bench, sleeping and listening to music inside a train, and in the other part of this world,there is me thinking about those people, counting how many of them are genuinely happy, how many of them are pretending that everything is perfectly fine, and how many of them are believing that all of these things are indeed happening, just like how they were supposed to be.”

— Are you one of them? (via vomitingwords)

[fadedheartbreq-blog]

“I don’t know how to stop looking for escape routes. I find them in the smallest of areas, I find them in the safest spaces. I find them in your laugh, I find them in the way you hold me, I find them in the way you always let go of my hand first. I can’t stop looking for a way out when we’re in the happiest places. I don’t understand it, I have myself question my feelings for you in any inconvenience I find. I keep trying to put out the flame before it catches everything on fire, because it will. It will burn out, or it will set everything on fire, there is no other conclusion. I can’t help but question every moment we felt and if its enough. Is it ever enough to stay? It feels like I’m a ticking time bomb that's counting down the days to leave and destroy everything in front of me. I keep everything to myself out of fear of driving you away, yet I jump at the keys every chance I get to be the one who drives away. I don’t want to lose you but I keep lookin for ways you can lose me. “leave before being left” “leave before being left” “leave before being left” plays in my head even when I hit stop. I look for escape routes everywhere I go, I look for emergency exits in every room I enter, not because I’m going to use it but because I need to know its there. I need to know I can. I have too many tattoos to think I have commitment issues, but I can never stay in a place too long, I can never linger in a restaurant once the tab has been paid, I’ve never had the same coffee order. I don’t know what you would call that.”

— dressed up commitment problems 

[a-book-ill-never-write]

“People leave without explanations. They think that their reasons are justified, even if you don’t. They aren’t going to give you a reason why they don’t want you anymore, and you shouldn’t want to hear that. If someone goes, let them, it’s not worth holding onto someone who would walk away without even thinking twice about how you might feel. No one ever thinks they’re the bad person, they believe their intentions were good, regardless of how terrible they were, it’s not worth telling them otherwise.”

— (via londonfromparis)