esse quam videri

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐬𝐮𝐧, 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧, 𝐥𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠

[katoptrisse]

✴ ⋆. ࿐࿔ ⠀⠀henlo, i'm stargirl. lover of books, cinema, art, trees, and all pretty things. the world is quiet here.

𖹭 ⠀⠀⎯⎯⠀⠀⠀*

[katoptrisse]

i have a good feeling about the last half of the year.

[fairycosmos]

cradling the em dash in my hands what the fuck have they done to you

[katoptrisse]

[katoptrisse]

[katoptrisse]

glimmers and small wins i've collected over the last week 🌺

☘︎ in the hospital waiting room last week for my ultrasound appointment i sat in front of an elderly man who greeted everyone and talked to anyone who sat next to him. akala ko nga mga kakilala niya because he was asking questions like, “kamusta? tapos na?” and when they were about to leave, he'd say, “god bless, ingat.” i overheard one of his conversations and found out that he was there waiting for his wife. we didn't even talk but before they left, he smiled at me and said, “god bless.” i don't think i've ever said that in my life but i found myself saying it back to him and his wife. and meant it.

☘︎ tested negative for autoimmune diseases! though i still have several health issues that i need to manage, i feel like this huge weight of uncertainty i've been carrying the last few months has finally been lifted off my shoulders. one less thing to worry about. thank you, universe! 🙏🏻

☘︎ i usually hate it when kids interact with me in public places (lol) but in the hospital waiting room again (a different instance), a little girl started playing with the crocheted flower keychain on my bag. sasawayin ko sana kasi baka masira eh regalo ni ate yun pero hinayaan ko na lang. then she started reciting the colors of the keychain to me: “peenk,” “pooh-ple,” and “white.” then she saw me pull out my kindle and thought it was a tablet. she looked at it and asked, “watch?” but her mom who was sitting beside us told her, “no, for reading lang, anak.” i don't know why but the way her mom said it made me smile. anyway, i can't believe i didn't get annoyed at the kid. she actually made my day.

☘︎ we took charli to the vet last week and the doctors were shocked at how big he is now. the receptionist who know us asked, “yan na po ba 'yung anak ni hound?” i said yes then added, “at ni talim po,” because they know our talim boy too. ang funny lang na kilala si charli at 'yung parents niya dito sa vet. 😂

[katoptrisse]

not to be a “batang 90s kasi ako” typa person, and this isn't even a flex, but i knew of this song back in grade school when my classmates who were paramore fans didn't. this is because my sister would download a whole album instead of just singles, which she'd then transfer to my mp3 player, and i'd have no choice but to listen to whatever she puts in there. imagine my surprise when i found out paramore has a lot more songs than what's been playing on myx. i had the same reaction listening to taylor swift's fearless for the first time and finding out “love story” isn't her only song.

what a time. wala pa masyadong choice sa media na pwede i-consume so you really make do with what you have. this is why this song is ingrained into my brain.

if i remember correctly, this is part of an early paramore ep called “the summer tic”. meron pa ngang demo titled “hello hello” which i think might be my favorite of all time (as a teenager) but i don't think they ever officially released it. i still wish they will. also, they added the songs from the summer tic ep to the deluxe version of all we know is falling when they released it to digital platforms, i think it was last year.

[katoptrisse]

our lesson for today is learning what darvo means :-) aka favorite tactic ng mga lalaking gagawan ka ng mali sabay pag na-callout, biglang “i'm at a low point”.

as a reformed people pleaser muntik na umeffect sakin 'to. i almost apologized kasi pakiramdam ko talaga naka-istorbo ako. buti na lang may support system ako na nagre-remind sa akin gaano ka-mali at disrespectful 'yung ginawa.

thank you, ate faye, for sharing this video - i'm sharing it here since talamak mga kupal ngayon dito sa tumblr. let's not be victims of these men, these people. let them live with the discomfort of what they did to us no matter how small or how long ago it was.

[elgreytea]

What are you reading rn, why are you reading it, and what format are you reading it in (physical book, ereader, on your phone etc)

[katoptrisse]

update on charli: kinabukasan pagkagaling namin sa vet, bumalik 'yung lump sa leeg + batok area niya. pag pinakiramdaman parang 'yung fluid ulit. then nung weekend, pumutok 'yung batok niya 😣 si vd lang ang bantay nila that time kasi nasa labas ako tapos ang sabi niya continuous lumabas 'yung bloody water fluid mula dun sa batok ni charli. nilagyan niya muna ng gauze at vet wrap para tumigil kasi sarado rin 'yung vet that time. ang tingin namin baka effect ng antibiotic kasi one week na halos since nag-start siya mag-meds.

continuous pa rin namin siyang pinapainom ng gamot. hindi naman na masyado pumapalag. nag-send ako ng pictures kila ate tapos siya pa naka-pansin na lumiit na 'yung batok ni charli so chineck ko agad. napansin ko na sa sugat lumabas 'yung fluid instead dun sa shinave na part na binutas via syringe.

bukas pa namin siya maibabalik sa vet. masigla naman na at nakikipag-laro na ulit sa kanyang bestie dogs pero sana maging okay na si charli. 🙏🏻

[katoptrisse]

men are so funny. they'll ruin your peace of mind, cause you anxiety and sleepless nights, but the moment you fight back and they feel even a fraction of the discomfort they made you feel, they can't take it.

next time kasi wag manguha ng litrato ng mga babae dito. don't be a fucking creep. gulat na gulat nung na-call out, parang naabala pa. you're at a low point, okay whatever, eh ako? when i found out you drew me, multiple times by the way, without my consent, did you think i was flattered? no. i was disgusted. i was scared. i was uncomfortable. i felt violated.

but you'll never understand how that feels because you're the one who did the violating.

yes, you apologized, but i'm not obligated to forgive someone just because they said sorry and because years have passed. ngayon ko nga lang nalaman ngani. hindi ba makaintindi ngani.

[ziekseks]

si ai girl cxlestineee na may account sa dating app at nagsesend ng nudes sa mga nakakachat niya (not sure if “mga” kasi isa pa lang naman yung nakausap kong nakilala siya fr dating app but who knooows) mga nakukuhang pictures na ini-ai kapag may face. kinacareer mo talaga yang brand mo ah.

tapos pina-screenshot ko yung feed niya kasi naka-private siya. ayon, may nakuha din pala siyang pics from @/tigre-edi-rawr & @/hello-ellesworld. how did i know? diba kapag nagvi-view ka ng ig profile, may lalabas na suggested accounts? pinag-follow ko yung mga naka-follow sa kanya, tapos isa lang talaga yung nakipag-usap sakin na luckily, nakilala siya sa dating app. & chineck ko isa-isa yung mutuals ko dito para ma-track kung kanino ba talaga niya kinukuha yung mga pics (yes, madami akong time sa mga naninira ng peace dito lewl)

scary part is, nagsesend si ate girl ng tth/nudes na kinukuha lang kung kani-kanino. at ngayon, bikers naman daw ang ganap ni ate. sad for the girl na current victim nya. kaya hindi na talaga safe magpost dito e. to you—whoever the fuck u are, get professional help. you seriously need it. & i hope u get the exact karma u deserve. what goes around always finds its way back.

[katoptrisse]

proof na nasa tumblr pa rin kung sino man 'yung nasa likod nitong si celestine red. today lang nag-post si zi na napasok 'yung instagram niya, ngayon lang binura na lahat nang followers. i can't recall the exact number but i know she has like 800+. the last time i checked was around 5 pm.

nasa recent searches ko siya so it's easy to check her profile from time to time. and yes, madami akong time. please lang naman, tumigil ka na.

[katoptrisse]

boyfriend *tried* to surprise me with steak and mashed potatoes for dinner because it's our monthsary 🙂‍↕️ emphasis on him trying because the delivery came early and he wasn't home yet so i had to receive it haha.

hindi ko na alam pang-ilang luto niya na ito nang steak but pasarap nang pasarap everytime. i mashed the potatoes by the way, and i think i did a good job! i honestly wasn't expecting anything today because we have a pawsyente, and we haven't been able to celebrate our monthsaries the past few months because things keep happening. so kahit hindi masyadong surprise, na-surprise pa rin ako. i love him so so sooo much. next time, i'll go get us some wine.

[katoptrisse]

260714.

⋒ biglang lumobo 'yung leeg at batok ni charli tapos parang may fluid sa loob so dinala namin agad sa vet. na-guilty pa nga ako kasi a few hours before that, pinagtatawanan pa namin siya kasi ang laki ng leeg niya - malaki naman talaga dahil mabalahibo siya lalo na sa part na yun. napansin ko lang na kakaiba kasi nung nauna siya sakin sa hagdan, para siyang naka-collar tapos nakatayo 'yung mga balahibo niya.

⋒ chineckup siya tapos eventually, ginawan ng lab tests, then dinrain 'yung fluids. lumabas na dugo na may halong tubig. sabi, buti nadala agad kasi pag napabayaan baka maging nana. hindi ma-explain kung paano nangyari basta ang cause kasi is 2 weeks ago nag-away si charli at oatside tapos nakagat siya ni oatside sa batok so may sugat siya na mej malaki. but that was 2 weeks ago at nag-heal naman na. and if namaga, malalaman namin agad kasi palaging niyayakap si charli. possible daw na na-infect at na-trigger nung pinaliguan the day before lumobo.

⋒ second time na ni charli sa vet. actually, nakalimutan ko na 'yung una, pero nakakatuwa kasi ang behave niya hindi katulad nung tatay niya na nagwawala at umiihi pa. may pasyente na naman kami dito. sana gumaling agad si charli.

nag-subside na sa second photo kasi na-drain na, pero ito siya before:

[postingcards]

an oregon forest chrome postcard postmarked sept 9th, 1969

[ztahcsslaskcihcsregnalsnebel]

𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴, 𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵.

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 (𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘰𝘵) 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥, 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘺? 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 "𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘩" (𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘨 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵) 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥.

𝘪𝘥𝘬, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥. 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘳 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘴’ 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘰𝘯 𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘯 𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘪 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦. 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥.

i’ll start, please feel free to add yours kahit gaano katagal na nangyari yan.

~ @viciousthrills - back in 2019, he spammed me with unsolicited dick pics even after i told him no. i blocked him immediately and made a public post about it to warn other girls, but it never really reached enough people. check this post. ngl, when i first read zi's post, he was the first person that came to mind. i remember he used to lurk the tth tag a lot and would reblog girls' photos with lewd commentary, very nsfwph comments section energy. i'm not saying it's definitely him. i'm just saying to please be careful around this blogger. i checked his blog earlier and his last post was back in march.

[katoptrisse]

@iamhappygoth09 - he draws women most probably without their consent. he's deleted most of them from his instagram, but in my case, he drew me multiple times and i only found out recently because he reblogged a post from 2024. alam niyang binlock ko siya noon but he still kept drawing me anyway. i still don't know how he got those photos when i had already blocked him. he clarified that he was reposting those drawings to "showcase his art" - na parang hindi ako complete stranger sa kanya at talagang ni-repost pa. by the way, he's a grown-ass married man.

he did apologize when i called him out but i don't feel any remorse from him at all and kept posting like nothing happened. parang naistorbo ko pa nga siya.

[calmkindofchaos]

never forgetti @lostwanderingdrifter

hindi naman tinatanong pero i-ddm ka ng ganito tas magtataka bakit siya nakakareceive ng anon hate. ewan i'm tired of giving benefit of the doubt because these grown ass adults know what they're doing. that maybe if it's not that grave they can bend rules. walang accountability even. so ladies, if you feel creeped out about this guy, don't gaslight yourselves.

[redditreceipts]

there should be an extension to every social media site that automatically blocks every male so you never have to read their comments, see their posts or be reminded or their existence while using the platform