Not Even a Real Person @kaylagelatin - Tumblr Blog

It’s wild that my favorite photo of us together was taken a week before you left. It’s really hard to think about the fact that your mind was made up at that time.

I think I miss you sometimes, but then... I don’t think I even really miss you at all. I do miss my best friend. But I don’t miss you as a partner.

I do wish we’d stayed broken up the first time. I gave you the entirety of my twenties, and for what? For you to just leave when it got hard?

I don’t need someone like that around me. Nay, I cannot have someone like that around me.

I’m not upset you left. I’m just upset you said we’d work through it knowing damn well you had no intention of doing so.

I’m mad you financially crushed me, when you didn’t need to.

I’m mad our boy is going to die because of our rift.

When we got back together, I made you promise me that if we split, we would still be there for each other.

It’s like you might as well be dead. It hurts. It’s fucked up.

After eight years, you straight up just fucking threw me away.

I am happier with him. But what you did still hurts.

I just fucking can’t get you out of my head.

This is so fucked up.

All I can do is sit here and think about you and her.

She’s probably touching you. You’re probably going to fuck her.

It should be me.

I genuinely don’t think there is a universe where we don’t end up together. We were made for each other.

I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I do you.

This is so fucked up.

It is ME who should be sleeping next to you tonight.

It doesn’t feel fair that I feel like it’s wrong to even look at anyone else other than you, but you have no problem hopping into bed with whoever.

Nonetheless HER.

Ugh.

I am way too upset about this. This is none of my fucking business.

I barely ever lurk her but I had to choose today, the day she is in Denver.

I can’t believe this is upsetting me so much.

I miss you.

All I’ve wished all night was for you to be around in any capacity.

I should hate you. Anyone would in my position.

I just want to know how you’re doing. I want to tell you how I am. I want to know what’s going on with you and tell you what’s going on with me.

It was such a short time. Why is life more bizarre without you than without my boyfriend of eight years?

You were right. You were the one. And I fucked it up.

Despite everything that’s happened.

Despite all I’ve done to you and all you’ve done to me

You are the only one I see.

There is something there. There is something there!!!!

There’s always been that something.

I hope you’ll come back.

I need you to come back.

Fuck it, I know no one’s here, but imma keep using this shit.

I need an immediate outlet.

I am scared of falling.

I’ve seen it before. I’ve lived it.

Any time I let my walls down to allow me to fall

It fails me. It blows up in my face.

Renders me completely fucking useless.

You’ve been awful too.

But who’s to say you won’t be awful to me, as you have to them?

Or I won’t be awful to you?

There’s a gnawing at my chest that shares your name. There is a small part of me that thinks we would be okay.

We won’t hurt each other.

But I know that’s not true.

Either you’ll be awful to me, or I’ll be awful to you.

Someone will be hurt.

We will hurt each other.

I will hurt you.

I don’t want to hurt ever again. And I want to hurt no one,

I’ve been feeling vv insecure lately and I’m not sure what to do about it.

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Photography by Adeolu Osibodu

I’m Adeolu Osibodu, a 20-year-old photographer from Nigeria, West Africa. In 2015, I decided I wanted to channel my emotions, state of mind, and how I saw the world into a visual craft. I didn’t want to have to talk too much to express myself. I ended up starting out in photography with my smartphone. The process of framing a mood out of nothing but fragments of ideas in your head is the most beautiful thing one can experience. It wasn’t until mid-2016 that I started to take it more seriously and put my work online. I’m currently dabbling in fashion work with brands that are unique, full of mystery and have stories to be told.

Enjoy past photography features and follow us on Facebook.

posted by tu recepcja

@anyone who sees this:

Please give me a reason to stay. I feel so ready to just give up. Everything is getting out of control, from my personal choices to the things that are going on in my life.

It sucks admitting this, but I need fucking help. Help I can’t afford. There are no public plans that I’m elligible for that cover mental health. Even the betterhelp.com thing is too expensive to swing between vet bills and rent and such.

At this point, just having a human who is willing to hear me out and will not be biased will help.

Any suggestions pointing me towards an actual human you know who might be able to help me for minimal monies (preferably none) would be appreciated!

I’m willing to accept vents and offer the best advice I have (albeit probably not very good advice) in exchange!

Vent4Vent?????

Can we make that a thing for those of us who can’t afford help???

#personal #help #mental health #charity case #whoops

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reasonsmysoniscrying

It’s hard to know exactly what your kids will take away from a vacation, but as I watch them in the living room, performing a stunningly realistic reenactment of the time we saw a young priest aggressively honking at an old woman standing in the street outside the Vatican, well, it’s safe to say that their horizons have been broadened.