CuriouslyWandering

Writing Poetry, Reading Great Literature, the Smell of Old Books and Coffee https://www.tiktok.com/@kaylareneetink?_r=1&_t=ZP-92ny2ybNUCc https://kaylarenee98.wixsite.com/website https://www.instagram.com/kaylareneepoetry/

[kaylarenee98]

Poem by Kayla Renee

I cannot breathe the breath of life

Death has taken my hand 

He guides me through the depths of night

I follow his command

I dwell in the dark with demons

Strangely tranquil is my hell

I have always been a heathen

Here below Earth - I now dwell

I reap the gifts of death

Swarm the forests of the free

Here I feel I may confess

To sin I have the key

Of the greedy gruesome God above

I do not wish to know

The Devil - he has shown me love

Since oh so long ago

I drink the drug of eternal night

Like ecstasy in my bones

I hear the storm - the bellowing brontide

Your “God” has been dethroned

[kaylarenee98]

Dialogue with Self by Kayla Renee

The thing rooted in me rotting black —

Now sits before me bleeding

Free for a moment from the internal attack

I can now confront the seedling

"My face is not my own" I tell her

"It reflects its vile occupant

It is the sinful side my face prefers

But I demand an argument

You've turned me into a sinister spirit

Who terrifies myself in the night

You spew a cruelty that's deliberate

In conquering souls you take delight"

She says "You created me from an ache

I grew only from the seeds of your soul 

You may see me now as a mistake 

But it is I who makes you whole"

"Man will not come near me

The abomination I am remains alone

A life untouched you've guaranteed 

For this — how will you atone?

"Atone for what?

Sheltering your fragmented existence?

There was no wound more deeply cut

And from you there was no resistance"

"You've made me wild —

A beast savagely unpredictable 

Eaten away the inner child

Still dripping remnants — you're despicable"

"You say much you do not mean

I have swam the depths of your secret seas

You summoned me to intervene

To slow the growing of the disease

Without me you would not exist

We feed vorociously on each other

I will not be so ignorantly dismissed

My purpose you will soon uncover"

"Perhaps we are a double edged sword

With its blade always striking first

One more wound I could not afford

So we destroy all with a violent thirst

Stay — I no longer fear the worst"

[kaylarenee98]

Butterflies by Kayla Renee

A jar of dead butterflies appeared in my dreams

A feeling that left me alone in a haze

Awake somehow — filled to the brim with a scream

The lingering image left me ablaze

What could it mean? A death of the soul?

A sacred secret laid bare?

My teeth rot in my mouth yet the feeling is dull

Black oozing beneath my hair

I feel nothing of the brutality of the flesh

Only a darkening of the layers inside

These butterflies — cursed uninvited guests

Carried with them a fatal dust — a beautiful lie

It was a dream of the bones

It lingers and aches

Hungrily — it owns

I am not certain — am I now awake?

I fear picking at this scab — what color will I bleed?

Or like those already dead — will I bleed at all?

Perhaps I have planted the deadliest of seeds

In those dark dreamlike halls

[kaylarenee98]

Moving to Salem Massachusetts in August!! So excited to be going to get my Masters and be in such a beautiful, historical place!! Any tips or advice??

[kaylarenee98]

Evidence by Kayla Renee

She lay sinfully on the slab before man,

Lucifer’s hand still lingered on her corpse.

Robbed of life long before it began—

Hunted—a sickening sport.

Skin pale, swollen—a webbed shadow beneath,

A stasis one wouldn't call peace,

Withered—an unrecognizable shell.

One would do well not to wander these depths,

For even in death—oh, how she compels.

Her nailbeds dried with a brittle bloom of decay,

Blue as the sea she was drowned in.

To eternity her soul was bound to stay,

Her face held high a conqueror's grin

Bones bent and broken—distorted, deformed,

Bruising sharp, brutal—an offering to the Sea God.

The greatest performance ever performed—

A deception: beware when her body thaws

At first crow, from under the earth she will rise,

Eyes salted with soil—and a haunting gleam.

As her body thaws, the clocks begin to unwind,

Fear—now foreign—a buried dream.

Death—it is not as we think.

This girl, once prey, now predator—

Lucifer grants her the final drink.

Beware, man—she is his inheritor.

[kaylarenee98]

Please check out my eBay store and help me fund my educational goals for the Fall!

[kaylarenee98]

Hey everyone, I have just published my first poetry collection 'Nightmares and Daydreams' and it is available through nook and shortly the physical edition will be available to purchase on Barnes and Noble. I would greatly appreciate your support if anyone would be interested in either of these. Here is the link for the collection on Nook:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/nightmares-and-daydreams-kayla-renee-tinkelenberg/1149668489?ean=2940185180860

[kaylarenee98]

Devouring Myself by Kayla Renee

I sinfully swallow suns with a drop of my blood

Now I know, this world belongs more to the bee than to me

One taste of my tears summons a raging flood

I want only to tumble freely with the sea

Cigarette smoke and a trail of ash

Are signs that I linger near

But do not follow — for I move fast

And careful — I am no peer

I am devouring even myself from the inside out

Lungs, heart, liver, and kidneys — yet I feast

Not a whisper heard — although I shout

How to conquer the beast when I am that beast

A cry for help - from myself - is never heard

And so I punish this vulnerable vessel

She does not fight much — path now blurred

I have transformed into a familiar Devil

[kaylarenee98]

TikTok - Make Your Day

[kaylarenee98]

TikTok - Make Your Day

My first poem posted on TikTok!

[kaylarenee98]

Hey guys, so I’m thinking about posting my poetry and recording it for TikTok. What do you guys think? Which poems do you think I should start with?

[kaylarenee98]

So somebody out there is going and flagging all my poems that approach organized religion in a non traditional or controversial manner. I honestly don’t know whether to laugh because they are proving my point or be furious at people’s toxic ignorance.

[kaylarenee98]

What types of poems would you all like to see more of? Needing a bit of a push to get going. All ideas welcome :)

[kaylarenee98]

Fifteen by Kayla Renee

It is difficult to trace the ghost of who I once was

At fifteen I was raw, blistered and open

Off any attention I’d get a hopelessly drunken buzz

None saw the unspoken - the girl well on her way to being brutally broken

The dark shadow had long taken seed

But I fought it with such fierceness- such passion!

I had Lucifer cowering - I took the lead

I was the darks deadly assassin

So innocent yet hands bloodied

I’ve fought in wars before I could walk

Oh the minds of man I’d study

I’d become a siren when I talk

Love was a lesson not yet learned

Though heartbreak- oh that was a cruel cancer

I’d felt murder- murder of all that i’d yearned

I thought perhaps blindly he could be the answer

That last shred of hope for beauty in the world

It ended when I was sixteen

Man came to me in frighteningly dangerous forms

It became a barbaric routine

Would I go back to fifteen? Ignorant yet strong?

The shadows overwhelm me now- the battle lost years ago

I know that I was naive and wrong

But I have it in me no longer to smile for show

Humanity greedily devoured my soul

I have no food here left to feed you

Like birds you’ve pecked and it’s taken its toll

I beg of you- find another to pursue

I want my innocence back- the girl who believed in all

I long for that confidence, social nature, gentle heart

Today I stand alone- a shell, cold and small

I cannot even make sense of my own art

From myself I’ve been forced to depart

[kaylarenee98]

Ode to the Alameda Shoreline

To the Alameda shoreline and its whispering waves

I scribe to you my memories

You grasped my hand when I couldn’t find the days

Your salty salve my remedy

With shadows by my side— you witnessed my slow decay

Never did your support- your love waver

I did attempt to rot and begin to fray

But you placed me in your favor

As a child I’d walk along the battered beach

Dogs running wild— wild as my soul

Yearning for something I couldn’t reach

As I grew— my heart you greedily stole

From you I learned — even the stillness fights

You rebel loudly in silence

And I learned from the best

You’ve given me an edge— a courageous defiance

Birthed a revolutionary that even the gods protest

Your murky depths have flooded my soul

Salty air suffocating my lungs

My sanity you relentlessly stole

And soon—soon— I’ll sink beneath your tongue

[kaylarenee98]

Ode to the Bridges of the Bay

Oh crimson cathedral that has taken root in my veins

I tread you- unburdened deep in my dreams

The city—I hand you control—take the reins

In the home of the fog I may glide unseen

Its sister-—neglected—finally built up

A sight- lights so bright it haunts the mind

Through its tunnel, hold your breath—make a wish for good luck

It’s gentle hum—so comforting—so kind

Longest bridge in the Bay—I watched you from planes,

Your arms stretched wide, planting your seeds.

You danced with the water, erasing my pain,

And my worries you gently eased

And small bridge of my town—do not think I’ve forgotten

The only escape and only sanctuary

Off this island I fear people are rotten

So for now I’ll kneel by the shore and watch the ferries

[kaylarenee98]

Ode to Origin

To the city so often taken for granted

I’ll say I cherish what you hide in the fog

These chaotic streets where my soul was first planted

They are mine- go ahead and call me its hog

Those quiet ferry rides magically lifting my spirits

And sea lions rambunctiously clapping away

An atmosphere of authenticity — there are no limits

I get lost in the gushing winds whisper- its lyrical sway

The fog magnificently swallows the skyline

Enveloping its secrets in grey

Darkness in beauty is my lifeline

Here I will bloom— and here I will decay

I caught a baby once at six

At the birth center that flows in my veins

My family’s legacy stands here in brick

A part of the city my family forever reigns

Oh that bridge that I know you know

So red — so magnificent

Was designed by my ancestors so long ago

The roots— so deep— how they continue to grow

Sitting on BART between the drunk and the businessman

I scribble poems shakily in the flickering light

I realize that I am a madman

As I write and I bite in the night

This city bred the beast of my being

Shaped the bleeding monster I became

But it gave me purpose— pleasure I found freeing

I will never claim to be sane

But in the city we are all free of shame