Title Schmitle.

I really hope you weren't expecting anything too spectacular, I'm just a girl with an internet obsession and the social life of a lost sloth.

[latadelixo]

[skrillex-band-deactivated201606]

chilling

[shinyx2]

[d3dans]

[catbountry]

[brainstatic]

I once read about an aquarium that trained the dolphins to pick up any debris in the tank and give it to the trainer in exchange for fish. One dolphin started started hiding paper under a rock and then breaking off small pieces to give the trainer. She also realized that she could get fish for catching a seagull. She soon started to stockpile fish to use as seagull bait, thus creating an exponentially larger seagull problem. Then she taught the other dolphins, which made it worse. So if you ever think dolphins are cute, remember that these little assholes create capitalism of their own volition and are not to be trusted. 

[sofarawaytae]

[thatonepapercut]

Vine… you will be missed

[stephfitblr]

I haven’t seen a lot of these ones before hahaha

[sheenalarson-deactivated2018021]

“nice, ron…” “oh am i not allowed to sneeze?”

[whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating]

THE SOCK MOM OH YM G-D,,

[wexler]

that one time on Hotel Hell when Gordon Ramsay fed the owner’s dog some shitty bread and then was afraid he killed her

[unclefather]

He checked her pulse

[teuer]

ok hear me out guys

[joner]

I’m listening

[teuer]

okay listen closely

[joner]

ok ready

[teuer]

look me boots

[staraptor]

life… is an egg

[kavvka-deactivated20171211]

explain

[staraptor]

has chickens in it sometimes

[stroboscopic-artefact]

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

[foulserpent]

i call all my friends after 20 years of no contact and invite them to visit me at my house, which is a farm in the middle of nowhere. they approach the farm gates and i appear looking like this

[sneeking]

..go on…….

[foulserpent]

i lead you into the barn where i live and offer you snacks and refreshments. it’s a bowl of minnows and 3 caprisun pouches

[brightereyes]

accept the capri sun, cautiously refuse the minnows

[foulserpent]

i tell you that it’s fine, leaves more for me, but you can tell im a little hurt. we watch cutthroat kitchen in silence, i seem to be attempting to drink my caprisun through my gas mask, but im failing miserably. you say nothing.

[brightereyes]

i say nothing

[foulserpent]

at one point i go into a shed and bring out more caprisun pouches and a single triscuit for you

[brightereyes]

Thanks

[foulserpent]

youre welcome

[05fordexplorer-deactivated20211]

[maybe-itdoesntmatterr-deactivat]

Forever my mood

[tanukitantan-deactivated2014020]

[nickiminajcommission]

the first song or rap you put together, what was the story of that one?

[oldroots-deactivated20151008]

[sloth-grunge]

i would call off my wedding 5 minutes before it started if i found out my fiancé said jif instead of gif

[alwayssober-deactivated20170806]

sometime you’re naked…. sometimes you’re not. depends

[bntyhuntr-remade]

[distinguishedbaloney]